Airport Adventure

[jimmyj]

Hi:
Two flights in two days.
Observations:
1. Ladies do not know how to "Pack Light" and do not admit that their "Carry On" baggage is too large to fit in the over head compartments.

2. Folks do not understand "No Smoking", "Fasten your seat belts", or "turn off electronics before takeoff".

3. Security Guards that "Pat Down" Jimmy are supposed to buy Jimmy a drink after the "Pat Down" (groping).

4. Ladies and Gentlemen. Prior to the flight, it is not a good idea to drink a lot of beer.

5. A Female's sexy smile will get Jimmy to give you the window seat every time.

6. Ladies, It is not a great idea to attempt to use the rest room during turbulence.

7. Guys, its not being a "Wimp" to assist a lady placing her luggage in the overhead compartments. Its just the way us "Southern Boys" were taught (i.e. Manners)

8. Ladies and Gentlemen, Always a good plan to wait until the airplane is stopped and unloading before attempting to retrieve you overhead luggage.

9. FOLKS, The sign in the rest rooms that state "Disconnecting the smoke alarm is a Federal Offense" is put there for a reason. Yes the airline folk are really serious about this.

10 Guys, Coming on the air plane intoxicated will result in you being escorted back off the air plane.

11. Hey, Guy, The good looking female flight attendants that keep watching you is because you are doing a "No No", not because you are so sexy and handsome. (by the way you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe)

12. Young Mothers, please change your infant's diaper in a timely manner.

13. Jimmy did not choose the back pack with pink and red flower design, his wife and daughter did where it wouldn't be stolen and lost. (I wanted a pink one)

14. Lady, In flight please don't wake Jimmy from a nap to inquire if he once gave you a speeding citation (its was his evil twin).

 

[jimmib]

flying is always an adventure...I can relate to all of your list...my wife recently flew and decided if she couldn't beat them she would join them and took two carry-on luggage...glad I wasn't with her that time...personally I would rather drive than fly and look at our beautiful country, but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and run the gauntlet...

 

[walkin jack]

We made 4 flights over the holiday period and I'd add a few things to your list.

. There are no YOUNG stewardesses any more. The youngest I've seen lately is in her mid to late 40s.
. Airline food (still) sucks
. Never ask a stewardess to explain just how you are supposed to get your head between your knees for emergency landing when the seat back in front of you is right in your face.
. Do what ever you must to avoid sitting anywhere NEAR a child under the age of 5. I seem to be a magnet for that kind of thing. No matter what I do I always get stuck sitting directly in front of a chair kicking little brat that is intent on screaming his lungs out and who's parents are long since deaf and won't try to help. I once offered 25 bux to any one who would change seats with me. This kid was so bad No one wanted to do it. If they ever come out with "adult only" flights I'll be their best customer!
. Before you fly, especially in times like Thanksgiving and Christmas, Spend a little time in a dark place in the lotus position before you leave the house. There are many different ways it can turn out: Delayed, cancelled, bumped, inflight problems causing a return to the airport you just left, etc. Only one of them is getting where you're going safely, on time, with no problems. It does go like that sometimes but not nearly often enough to suit me.
.If you take a lap top computer on the plane with you do yourself a favor and remember to take it out of its carry case as you go through security. This will save you a lecture from the security folks and a lot of dirty looks from people in line behind you.
. Make NO flip or cute remarks to the TSA people even if you mean it in a humorous vein. They have no sense of humor and they are usually not in a very good mood anyway.

 

[jimmyj]

Hi, Walkin Jack:

I was told by a another Forum Member that the young cute Stewardesses are all up in "First Class" or in the Pilot's cabin.

QUOTE=Walkin' Jack;137631794]We made 4 over the holiday period and I'd add a few things to your list.

. There are no YOUNG stewardesses any more. The youngest I've seen lately is in her mid to late 40s.
. Airline food (still) sucks
. Never ask a stewardess to explain just how you are supposed to get your head between your knees for emergency landing when the seat back in front of you is right in your face.
. Do what ever you must to avoid sitting anywhere NEAR a child under the age of 5. I seem to be a magnet for that kind of thing. No matter what I do I always get stuck sitting directly in front of a chair kicking little brat that is intent on screaming his lungs out and who's parents are long since deaf and won't try to help. I once offered 25 bux to any one who would change seats with me. This kid was so bad No one wanted to do it. If they ever come out with "adult only" flights I'll be their best customer!
. Before you fly, especially in times like Thanksgiving and Christmas, Spend a little time in a dark place in the lotus position before you leave the house. There are many different ways it can turn out: Delayed, cancelled, bumped, inflight problems causing a return to the airport you just left, etc. Only one of them is getting where you're going safely, on time, with no problems. It does go like that sometimes but not nearly often enough to suit me.
.If you take a lap top computer on the plane with you do yourself a favor and remember to take it out of its carry case as you go through security. This will save you a lecture from the security folks and a lot of dirty looks from people in line behind you.
. Make NO flip or cute remarks to the TSA people even if you mean it in a humorous vein. They have no sense of humor and they are usually not in a very good mood anyway.[/QUOTE]

 

[the ringo kid]

We made 4 flights over the holiday period and I'd add a few things to your list.

. There are no YOUNG stewardesses any more. The youngest I've seen lately is in her mid to late 40s.
. Airline food (still) sucks
. Never ask a stewardess to explain just how you are supposed to get your head between your knees for emergency landing when the seat back in front of you is right in your face.
. Do what ever you must to avoid sitting anywhere NEAR a child under the age of 5. I seem to be a magnet for that kind of thing. No matter what I do I always get stuck sitting directly in front of a chair kicking little brat that is intent on screaming his lungs out and who's parents are long since deaf and won't try to help. I once offered 25 bux to any one who would change seats with me. This kid was so bad No one wanted to do it. If they ever come out with "adult only" flights I'll be their best customer!
. Before you fly, especially in times like Thanksgiving and Christmas, Spend a little time in a dark place in the lotus position before you leave the house. There are many different ways it can turn out: Delayed, cancelled, bumped, inflight problems causing a return to the airport you just left, etc. Only one of them is getting where you're going safely, on time, with no problems. It does go like that sometimes but not nearly often enough to suit me.
.If you take a lap top computer on the plane with you do yourself a favor and remember to take it out of its carry case as you go through security. This will save you a lecture from the security folks and a lot of dirty looks from people in line behind you.
. Make NO flip or cute remarks to the TSA people even if you mean it in a humorous vein. They have no sense of humor and they are usually not in a very good mood anyway.

Thats OK, I dont mind them being in their late 40s, as long as she is very easy on my eyes.

 

[walkin jack]

Thats OK, I dont mind them being in their late 40s, as long as she is very easy on my eyes.

I agree. And anyway, at my age 20s, 30s, 40,.....All look pretty much alike to me now.

 

[Alpo]

I agree. And anyway, at my age 20s, 30s, 40,.....All look pretty much alike to me now.

You say your cataracts make 'em all just a blur?

 

[jlrhiner]

40 year old stewardesses ARE young! Somebody slap him.

 

[GaryS]

We made 4 flights over the holiday period and I'd add a few things to your list.

. Do what ever you must to avoid sitting anywhere NEAR a child under the age of 5. I seem to be a magnet for that kind of thing. No matter what I do I always get stuck sitting directly in front of a chair kicking little brat that is intent on screaming his lungs out and who's parents are long since deaf and won't try to help. I once offered 25 bux to any one who would change seats with me. This kid was so bad No one wanted to do it. If they ever come out with "adult only" flights I'll be their best customer!

Or as I call it, the screaming baby section. Which always seems to be the row behind me.

More and more, I'm inclined to drive. I'd drive for our February trip to see the kids, but my wife is still working and it's going to be a short trip.

OTOH, I might drive down there in November and take my time. Since I'm semi retired, I don't have to be back on a time table.

 

[DeadAye]

40 year old stewardesses ARE young! Somebody slap him.

Beat me to it

 

[thebeamanater107]

Quiet only cabins on an airplane would make so much money if people had to pay an extra $25 for a seat in the quiet cabin. And children under 12 are not allowed in.

the original point and click interface, by Smith and Wesson

 

[perrazi]

precisely the reasons I don't fly anymore. if I can't drive there I don't go. guess I won't get to Europe anytime soon.

 

[jimmyj]

Groping/pat downs at airports:
I always had this to go though after I received two knee replacements and two shoulder joint replacements in 2006. But behold Knoxville airport got the booth that spun around and x rayed (?) your entire body. HAPPY DAYS !
BUT I discovered Orlando/Stanford airport hasn't got one !
At least they could have cutie female security officers to do this task ??

 

[semperfi71]

If they were truly serious about airline security there would be no "carry-ons" and everyone would fly nekkid.

As a retired Air Traffic Controller I also avoid flying. I saw what was being trained and I is very, very afraid...........

 

[LennyLames]

. There are no YOUNG stewardesses any more. The youngest I've seen lately is in her mid to late 40s.
. Airline food (still) sucks

The young ones are in international airlines; those airlines based in countries where they don't have to worry about age discrimination. For instance, check out the flight attendants in many intra-Asia flights.

Yes, airline food "sucks" because what they serve nowadays can be "sucked" out of a straw.

I dont know if any airlines serve "free" meals in economy class in U.S. domestic flights anymore. The meals that we now pay for seem to taste better because we have to shell out extra money for them, giving them more perceived value.

Actually, the meals in first class aren't too bad (okay, the wine helps) but are still subject to the main challenges in airline "cuisine:" sense of taste is reduced by about a third at altitude (in-cabin air pressure is usually around 8000 foot equivalent); airplane galley weight/space limitations require that food be prepared well in advance, then re-heated.

I was told by a another Forum Member that the young cute Stewardesses are all up in "First Class" or in the Pilot's cabin.

I've also heard "The flight attendants are younger and better-looking in First Class." I used to sit up front all the time, and in reality, first class is the preferred assignment for flight attendants (lower passenger to staff ratio, generally more experienced travelers, etc.). Such assignments are dished out based on SENIORity.

40 year old stewardesses ARE young! Somebody slap him.

That "40 year old" flight attendant is in reality a 30 year old. The excessive UV exposure at high altitudes, the relatively sedentary nature of the occupation, poor dietary conditions, irregular hours and sleep conditions, etc. accelerate aging. Same effect on many pilots, but no one ever complained about wanting a "younger pilot."

 

[rwsmith]

Those 20 year old stewardesses

Those stewardesses that were 20 years old in 1963 are now 70.

 

[LVSteve]

Quiet only cabins on an airplane would make so much money if people had to pay an extra $25 for a seat in the quiet cabin. And children under 12 are not allowed in.

the original point and click interface, by Smith and Wesson

...and no damned cellphones, either.

US domestic flight attendants are pretty tame. Get on the wrong side of a British Airways stewardess on a long flight and you will soon be wishing for an exit hatch, parachute or not.

Get on the wrong side of an Air France stewardess and she will personally toss you out the door and have your estate fined for noise pollution because you screamed so loudly as you fell.

The TSA gropers are total amateurs compared with any UK or Israeli airport security folks. They know the stitches per inch of your underwear by the time they are done.

 

[Beemerguy53]

Groping/pat downs at airports:
I always had this to go though after I received two knee replacements and two shoulder joint replacements in 2006. But behold Knoxville airport got the booth that spun around and x rayed (?) your entire body. HAPPY DAYS !
BUT I discovered Orlando/Stanford airport hasn't got one !
At least they could have cutie female security officers to do this task ??

It's not an x-ray...that device uses the same energy your cell phone emits. Google 'millimeter wave technology' for an explanation...

When you alarm a magnetometer at a security checkpoint, anywhere, the security people there will want to know why. That's their job, and it doesn't make them bad guys. And groping is what perverts on subways do...

 

[Beemerguy53]

I fly a lot, and to tell you the truth, I don't understand the complaints or smart-alecky remarks people make about TSA or the airport security process.

Anywhere you go these days, in any public building, you encounter security. Cruise ships, sports stadiums, concert halls, courthouses...all have metal detectors and many have x-rays. This past weekend, when I was in Manhattan, I noticed that to visit the Statue of Liberty, tourists have to go through what signs call "airport-style screening".

When you travel, flying is voluntary; if you don't want to be screened, use some other way to get where you want to go. You have a choice there, unlike, say, when I get a summons for jury duty, and the government not only orders me to come to the courthouse when I have committed no crime, but then tells me my keychain Swiss Army knife is prohibited.

Everything TSA does is on their website, explained in plain English. And the TSA people I've encountered are neither better nor worse than most other government employees...some are nice, some are middle-of-the-road, and some are jerks. They have a job to do, and there are good reasons why they have to do that job: If current airport security screening standards had been in place 12 years ago, 343 of my FDNY brothers, and 2600 other innocent victims, would not have died at the World Trade Center.

 

[feralmerril]

We have several flying threads going here at the same time. This wasnt my worst flight but my best/worst flight I missed! New years eve 1968 going into 1969 I and a GF took a connie gambler special flight to hawthorn nevada. Durring the week it was $10s and I think weekends and holidays for $15s they would fly you to hawthorn nevada, haul you to the "El Capitan" casino, feed you and give you a $2.50 roll of nickles.
We had a great trip, I won a little over a $100s on BJ and remember flying back with a strep throat. I told the GF lets take the DC 3 next time.
We were set to go in febuary but I got asked to take some OT and called the GF and said lets go next week. The plane never came back.
I carried a news paper clipping of the wreck for years and would pull it out of my wallet and read it again when things got rough.
Lone Pine, CA Plane Crashes On Mt. Whitney, Feb 1969 | GenDisasters ... Genealogy in Tragedy, Disasters, Fires, Floods
I see I made a comment below the artcle about 6 years ago.