Originally posted by 940lvr:
"The next memo was even more entertaining. All shots fired by officers had to be reported in a use of force report. All you had to do on the form was put your name on in, check a box or two, and write "shot injured deer". Apparently that was waaay to much work for our next genius. So he decides that rather than shoot the deer and have to fill out the form he would just beat the deer to death with his PR-24 baton. By the way he did this on the side of a busy six lane road during morning rush hour. I had never put much thought into it, but apparently it takes a while to beat a deer to death with a PR-24 given the number of people who called in to complain."
Reminds me of another one of the hundreds of stupid things I've done but got away with unscathed:
I had been a new deputy working the road for about 9 or 10 months. Our department's written policy and procedures stated that, when a deputy discharged his weapon in the line of duty, on duty or off, for any other purpose than training, he would write a report AND a memo to his division commander AND appear when ordered before a shooting review board. The board would be made up of 6 or 8 captains, the under-sheriff, the chief deputy, mebbe the sheriff himself if it was a slow day, I guess. As a rookie deputy, it seemed a wise course of action to avoid doing things that put me in front of review boards if at all possible.
What I didn't know was, at that time, the policy was being rewritten to add shooting injured animals to the short list of shootings that didn't require appearing before the shooting review board. The in-practice policy was that the review board would review your report and the memo and, unless they saw something that needed attention, that was that.
Like I said, I didn't know that!
So, late one dark winter graveyard shift, while I am patroling vigilantly, I encounter a very large mule deer doe with three broken legs standing on the side of the road. Forested area, at the mouth of the canyon Snowbird and Alta ski resorts are in. Been hit by a car that has left the area. Obviously needs to be put down.
Needs to be put down... want to avoid review board... hmmmm......
I figured for a minute that I could probably shoot it and no one would know, and if someone living near by heard the shot and called in, I would be the one sent to check it out. With my luck, though, I figured that if I did shoot it without advising dispatch and pulling a case number, my sergeant would materialize out of the darkness and I would be in worse shape than the deer.
After cogitating for a few minutes, the very dim light bulb in my head went on. I had a nice, large and very sharp hunting knife in my briefcase! (For purpose of topicality, the knife WAS a S&W product.) The deer looked pretty weak, breathing fast, was down on it's stomache, drooping it's head, not moving other than that. I could grab my knife, grab the deer by the head, lift the head a bit and slice the doe's jugular veins in one fell swoop. A quick, probably painless death and no gunfire to risk or to report!
My plan went well until I touched the deer. Suddenly, it got new lease on life! It tried to get to it's feet, but only one leg was still undamaged. It started to flail wildly with the broken front legs, swinging them like a wild man's clubs! I hanged on, and desperately attempted to saw the poor creatures throat so it could bleed out and pass from this world.
I was lucky I didn't cut a finger or hand off! It took a bit, but finally my blade found the veins and blood started spurting from the neck. I release the deer's head, which I had wrapped my right arm around, and pulled away. The deer climbed up the frozen, plowed snowbank at the road's edge and collapsed. It stopped breathing seconds later.
I was a sight. I was drenched in sticky, rapidly cooling blood and had deer hair all over, too.
Business had been slow, so I decided I would run home, check out for lunch, take a fast shower and change uniforms. I thought I was being quiet, but my wife was awakened by the running water and came into the bathroom just as I took off my gun belt.
The first I knew of her presence was when she screamed! I must have looked like a lawn mower got me! It took a few seconds to tell her I was unhurt, it wasn't my blood!
I don't know if I violated any policy or broke any laws, but I did wait for 7 years to let the statute of limitations pass on any possible offense, before I told anyone about it!
