A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened." So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?"
Blonde suicide
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Chipmunk6
Member
I think I dated her, years ago.
C6
C6
That sounds like the blonde that ordered the new super energy efficient replacement windows for her house. After the installation was completed, the contractor came by to collect his money for the install.
The blonde told him not to worry about her paying for the new windows. She said the salesman told her "...they will pay for themselves in one year."
The blonde told him not to worry about her paying for the new windows. She said the salesman told her "...they will pay for themselves in one year."
vic3620
Member
Do you know how many blonde jokes there are?
Just one!! The rest are true stories
Vic3620
Just one!! The rest are true stories
Vic3620
papajohn428
Member
I used to date a blonde...........but I got sick of her princess attitude, and told her I was leaving her. She got so upset she ran into the bedroom, grabbed a 38 revolver, and put it to her head. The whole thing was so ridiculous I couldn't help it, I started laughing at her, which only made her madder.
"So you think this is funny, huh?" she screamed. "YOU'RE NEXT!"
"So you think this is funny, huh?" she screamed. "YOU'RE NEXT!"
reitejl
Member
This blonde gal was driving across west Texas and she was getting really hungry and being in Texas she was gettin a hankerin fer some real Texas chili. Well she see's this lil roadside diner with a big ol sign claimin to have the best chili in all of Texas so she pulls in, parks her car and walks in. Once inside she notices that this lil diner is kinda dive like and there's nobody in the place except an ol cowboy sittin at the counter with a bowl of chili. After sittin fer a spell with no sign of the waitress she asks the ol cowboy next to her "whats it take to get some of that Texas chili"? Then she looks over and asks the cowboy why he wasn't eating his chili and if he didn't want it she would love to have it. Well the ol cowboy shrugged and told the blond You can have it so she slides the bowl over and starts chowin down that bowl of chili. Just as she was takin the last couple of spoonfulls the blonde notices a dead mouse all bloated up and it's fur peelin off and she pukes up the chili right back into the bowl..... In her horror and embarrassment she can't help but see the ol cowboy laughin up a storm. well she just sits there staring at the counter when the ol cowboy gives her a lil nudge and says, "Yup that bowl of chili did the same thing to me"!
fat tom
Absent Comrade
Is there a joke in here somewhere?
f.t.
f.t.
I dunno, but I can't help noticing how that necklace thing would probably swing a lot farther, if only it could.
Texas Star
US Veteran
I like blonde jokes, but have to be careful telling them around my daughter and DIL, who are both blonde. Both are of exceptional intelligence. One is a teacher and reading coach and the other is a scientist who develops advanced cloning techniques. She is also a certified embryologist. Both are very attractive, too.
My daughter's favorite joke along these lines is to ask someone if they heard who the dead brunette was, found floating in the river this morning, all black and blue.
Who?
"She's the last person who told me a blonde joke."
Actually, the dumbest chick I ever dated was a sorority girl from SMU, a pretty pricy school. She was a creature of wealth and privilege, but probably so spoiled that she knew relatively little of the world beyond her own horizons. She made out pretty well, though, and was cute, so I went out with her for about three months. But she eventually bored me, big-time. There was just not much to discuss beyond her family, her sorority, and football, which bores me. I want a girl who knows who wrote the Declaration of Independence (and cares) and who can find Finland or Estonia on a globe.
This babe was trying to answer questions about South Africa, in that nation's booth at the state fair. The two guys from the consulate had gone to lunch, leaving her on her own. She didn't know the Transvaal from the Drakensberg range. Couldn't tell when the Dutch first settled there (1652) or find Durban on a map. I think they hired her as a booth bimbo, to get guys to come over and talk. I helped her, and the men were so pleased when they rerturned that they gave me a couple of six-packs of Lion (maybe Castle?) lager and a subscription to South African Panorama, a beautiful magazine then published by the SA Dept. of Information. Government there has since changed hands. I'd better not comment on that, but the magazine may no longer be available. Much has changed there since the mid-1990's, and a lot has not been for the better. BTW, we have at least two South African members on this board, and Peter, in particular, is a wealth of info on military and police handguns there. (I know; he's technically English, but after 30 years in the RSA...) Frikkie is an Afrikaaner, as his first name suggests. Hello to both if they read this.
Anyway, this girl had brown hair. But I still like blonde jokes, although some of my favorite models and an actress (Lara Cox) are blonde, and are pretty sharp people. Heck, Heidi Klum is blonde, and I once stood about 20 feet from her, watching that finely oiled mind work. Even before she spoke English well, she turned Jay Leno's and David Letterman's snide cracks about her being a blonde model into jokes that had the audiences laughing at the smug hosts.
I like blondes. They aren't all dumb, and I like the look. But I still laugh at the jokes. Tell some more! My family doesn't read this board. The daughter isn't into guns and the DIL and my son are more into Colt, SIG, and Glock autos, not revolvers.
Oh: the blonde DIL shot a deer whose head now reposes on my living room wall. Surgically precise shot from a 7mm-08.
My daughter's favorite joke along these lines is to ask someone if they heard who the dead brunette was, found floating in the river this morning, all black and blue.
Who?
"She's the last person who told me a blonde joke."
Actually, the dumbest chick I ever dated was a sorority girl from SMU, a pretty pricy school. She was a creature of wealth and privilege, but probably so spoiled that she knew relatively little of the world beyond her own horizons. She made out pretty well, though, and was cute, so I went out with her for about three months. But she eventually bored me, big-time. There was just not much to discuss beyond her family, her sorority, and football, which bores me. I want a girl who knows who wrote the Declaration of Independence (and cares) and who can find Finland or Estonia on a globe.
This babe was trying to answer questions about South Africa, in that nation's booth at the state fair. The two guys from the consulate had gone to lunch, leaving her on her own. She didn't know the Transvaal from the Drakensberg range. Couldn't tell when the Dutch first settled there (1652) or find Durban on a map. I think they hired her as a booth bimbo, to get guys to come over and talk. I helped her, and the men were so pleased when they rerturned that they gave me a couple of six-packs of Lion (maybe Castle?) lager and a subscription to South African Panorama, a beautiful magazine then published by the SA Dept. of Information. Government there has since changed hands. I'd better not comment on that, but the magazine may no longer be available. Much has changed there since the mid-1990's, and a lot has not been for the better. BTW, we have at least two South African members on this board, and Peter, in particular, is a wealth of info on military and police handguns there. (I know; he's technically English, but after 30 years in the RSA...) Frikkie is an Afrikaaner, as his first name suggests. Hello to both if they read this.
Anyway, this girl had brown hair. But I still like blonde jokes, although some of my favorite models and an actress (Lara Cox) are blonde, and are pretty sharp people. Heck, Heidi Klum is blonde, and I once stood about 20 feet from her, watching that finely oiled mind work. Even before she spoke English well, she turned Jay Leno's and David Letterman's snide cracks about her being a blonde model into jokes that had the audiences laughing at the smug hosts.
I like blondes. They aren't all dumb, and I like the look. But I still laugh at the jokes. Tell some more! My family doesn't read this board. The daughter isn't into guns and the DIL and my son are more into Colt, SIG, and Glock autos, not revolvers.
Oh: the blonde DIL shot a deer whose head now reposes on my living room wall. Surgically precise shot from a 7mm-08.
Last edited:
mwtdvm
Member
A blonde and a brunette were walking
on the beach. A seagull flies over and drops a big gooey one on the blonde's shoulder. The brunette says "Don't move, I'll get some toilet paper."
The blonde responds.. "Why, he's already flown away."
on the beach. A seagull flies over and drops a big gooey one on the blonde's shoulder. The brunette says "Don't move, I'll get some toilet paper."
The blonde responds.. "Why, he's already flown away."
How come blondes don't use vibrators?
Chips their teeth.
Chips their teeth.
quneur
Member
A brunette walks into a doctor's office.
Brunette: "Doc, it hurts when I touch here, here, here and here..."
Doctor: " You use to be a blonde, right?"
Brunette: "Yes! How did you know?"
Doctor: "Your finger is broken."
Brunette: "Doc, it hurts when I touch here, here, here and here..."
Doctor: " You use to be a blonde, right?"
Brunette: "Yes! How did you know?"
Doctor: "Your finger is broken."
I once dated a blond Polish girl. (She told more jokes than I did.) Nice woman, very attractive, good cook, emigrated on her own at 26. Taught herself English by watching TV, "Like, you know what I mean?". Became a citizen. Anyway we are going out to her car and she goes into a drama scene. "What's the matter?" "My electronic key won't open the door. How are going to get in?" I took her key ring found the car key and opened the door. She looked at me and said, "If you say one thing they will never find your remains."
There was once a blonde who was sick of dumb blonde jokes. She dyed her hair brown and instantly felt smarter.
As she left home to drive to work she thought, I'll take the old highway instend of the freeway. That will cut 12 miles off my trip. Thats being smart!
As she drove to work she had to stop because a large flock of sheep were crossing the road. She leaned out the window and asked the sheepherder, if I can instantly guess how many sheep you have can I have one?
Sheepherder says "nobodys that smart, OK".
Blonde says 652. Sheepherder says "Well I'll be". OK pick one out.
Blonde puts her sheep in the trunk, says "pretty smart huh."
Sheepherder says "you used to be a blonde right?"
Blonde says, yes but how did you know?
Sheepherder says, could I please have my dog back?
As she left home to drive to work she thought, I'll take the old highway instend of the freeway. That will cut 12 miles off my trip. Thats being smart!
As she drove to work she had to stop because a large flock of sheep were crossing the road. She leaned out the window and asked the sheepherder, if I can instantly guess how many sheep you have can I have one?
Sheepherder says "nobodys that smart, OK".
Blonde says 652. Sheepherder says "Well I'll be". OK pick one out.
Blonde puts her sheep in the trunk, says "pretty smart huh."
Sheepherder says "you used to be a blonde right?"
Blonde says, yes but how did you know?
Sheepherder says, could I please have my dog back?
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