Caje's Joke O D day

[CAJUNLAWYER]

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Point to you watch and say, Times Up?"

 

[jaykellogg]

A long time ago Boudreaux was hauled before the local judge. The judge asked the Sheriff what the charge was and the Sheriff answered that the man had killed his wife. The judge addresses Boudreaux and asked him why he had killed his wife and Boudreaux answered "I caught her in bed with another man". The judge asked "Why for did you kill the woman?" Boudreaux replied, "I thought it was better to kill just one woman than half the men in the Parish".

 

[Jst1mr]

I liked the "perky" thread better......

 

[Damn Yankee]

At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up:
"At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up:
"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."

The crowd cheered.

The third speaker from Italy stood up:
"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

 

[shouldazagged]

A randy young lady named Sherry
Made love to each Tom, Dick and Harry,
Frank, Gerald and Ben,
Then Harry again,
And the crew of the liner Queen Mary.

 

[rolomac]

Two men were out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole,
just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish,
Bob said, "Earl, I think I'm going to divorce my wife.
She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continued slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully said,

"Bob, you better think it over – a good woman like that is hard to find."

 

[cussedemgun]

Mr. Canoli's last request

Mr. Canoli, an aged Italian from the neighborhood was in the final stages of a valiant fight with cancer. He was in the local catholic hospital & all the nuns knew him so they gave him special attention.

When he began to feel a new energy & started talking about getting well, the sisters all knew this to be a sigh the end was near.

They called Mother Superior so she could council him.

She said "Mr. Canoli, now that you are planning to return home, maybe this would be a good tome to settle your bill."

"I wish I could, sister, but everything I owned was spent on medicine prior to me being admitted here, I haven't a penny left to my name."

"Do you have property that you could offer for a temporary lien until you get back on your feet?"

"Sorry sister, that's all gone too, sold to pay medical bills."

"I'm sure it's not that bleak in this hour of need, don't you have family that can assist you till you're back on your feet?"

"That prolly won't work either sister, you see I'm all alone in this world except an old maid sister & she's a nun. I now she hasn't got any money."

"SIR, if your sister is a nun, she is NOT an old-maid, she is the bride of CHRIST!"

"Good think'en sister, send the bill to my brother-in-law."

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

A long time ago Boudreaux was hauled before the local judge. The judge asked the Sheriff what the charge was and the Sheriff answered that the man had killed his wife. The judge addresses Boudreaux and asked him why he had killed his wife and Boudreaux answered "I caught her in bed with another man". The judge asked "Why for did you kill the woman?" Boudreaux replied, "I thought it was better to kill just one woman than half the men in the Parish".

Actually the joke I heard is "Don't worry Boudreaux-I can get it with one shot"

 

[model70hunter]

2 Fellers arrived at the Pearly Gates the fist was wearing a loud print shirt and sunglasses. St. Peter asked his occupation and name. The gent said his name was Bob and he was an Hawaii Airlines pilot for 40 years. St. Peter said here is your silk robe and gold staff, enter heaven.

The next person said I am Pastor Jim I preached for 43 years in Pasadena, CA. St. Peter said here's your handwoven wool robe and wooden staff. Pastor Jim said I need an explanation. St. Peter said Jim you preached for 43 years and folks slept thru your sermon. When Bob flew folks prayed.........