Dad has Alzheimers...

[BobsSmith]

Greetings Everyone..

Going to be a tough week next week. Dad has been in the Psych Ward at the hospital for a 2 week evaulation. My brother and I had a meeting with his doctor yesterday. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimers or a similar dementia problem.

He is going to lose his drivers license and we need to try our best to get him into a Assisted Living Home.

Poor guy, we lost Mom last July due to cancer and related treatments after a 2 year battle, now he is going to flip when we take the car away.

I am confident that once we can get Dad into a "new home" he will be able to adjust to a new life.

Best

Bob

 

[BobsSmith]

Greetings Everyone..

Going to be a tough week next week. Dad has been in the Psych Ward at the hospital for a 2 week evaulation. My brother and I had a meeting with his doctor yesterday. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimers or a similar dementia problem.

He is going to lose his drivers license and we need to try our best to get him into a Assisted Living Home.

Poor guy, we lost Mom last July due to cancer and related treatments after a 2 year battle, now he is going to flip when we take the car away.

I am confident that once we can get Dad into a "new home" he will be able to adjust to a new life.

Best

Bob

 

[BarbC]

I feel for you, Bob, I really do.

Good for you and your brother, though, for being proactive and taking care of your dad. He will adjust and you will have some peace of mind he is in good hands.

 

[Erich]

God bless you guys.

 

[suda]

Bob,

I have been through your identical situation. It is tough. Try to find a place for your Dad that specializes in Alzheimers. It will make a big difference. Be strong.

Dave

 

[OKFC05]

Been there, done that.

God's patience and mercy be with you.

 

[wbraswell]

God bless you guys for doing what I think is the right thing, getting him into a place now while he still has the mind to understand why he can't live at home and that this will be a better life for him and you. Both my grandmothers had Alzheimers or Dementia. Too,too many people wait too late to get their relative into a place where they can be properly cared for, and they never feel comfortable in their surroundings. Good luck.

 

[Hunt200]

Awe I am sorry to hear this. I hope he adjusts well.

 

[Firehouse]

Sorry, to hear of this. I have an 80 year old Grandmother that doesn't need to drive anymore but that's like putting her in jail. Good luck.

 

[boneman]

Your doing the right thing,our prayers for your family. Larry and Linda

 

[MK]

Hope it works out for him. I'm going through
the same thing with my mother.
She had a recent urinary infection, and that
made it much worse as far as the confusion.
According to the doctors, she should slowly
get back to where she was before the infection.
Her sister had Alzheimers also.
My mothers problems started with two strokes,
but I think some Alzheimers may be setting in
also lately. She's been slowly getting worse,
even before the infection.
My mother got into a place before she got too
bad, but I don't think she'll ever really like
it. Too independent for too many years..
But we had no choice. Just too dangerous for
her to try to live at home, being her left side
is paralyzed, and insurance would not cover
full time home care.. Only an hour or two a
day, and that wasn't enough to enable her to
safely stay at home.

 

[reload4me2]

went through this with my mother in law
I don't know about CA but in AZ there are "group homes" Essentially a person or family which own a house in which they house (typically 3-5) folks. My mother in law has been in the same home for 4 years - I think it is a better deal overall than a nursing home scenario.
First it is small and literally is a home, it has a living room, bedroom, etc - does not have an institutional feel. Food is cooked in the kitchen and eaten in the same room or close by. Over time she now feels this is her home.
There is more stability of staff - in a big nursing home the staff may rotate and the same person may not interact with your dad regularly and this change day to day is tough on those with dementia.
Because they same folks see your relative daily they may be more attuned to when something is physically wrong as opposed to someone covering for a week end in a nursing home.
They are not nurses, so don't expect expert medical care, but they do have training in giving scheduled insulin
The cost is considerably less.
Talk to the social service folks at the hospital - they may be able to help you out.
Bottom line for us is that my mother in law seems happy there, is well cared for and lives in a real house.
Of course go and check it out yourself because not place is the same.

 

[BobsSmith]

Thank You for your prayers and good wishes!

I know it will work out after the things get more stabilized. There are some good Assisted Living Homes in our area and will be helped by a Social Worker. Dad will have his own private apartment, 3 meals a day, social activities, local transportation. Once we are able to get him into a place, I think he will do ok.

Both Dad and Mom had been blessed with good health for many years, until a couple years ago. For this we are thankful. Many people have not as fortunate as we have been.

We all have to deal with things as they are, not as we wish them to be.

Thank You again...

Bob

 

[truckemup97]

I second the idea of finding a situation that specializes in Alzheimer's care. Also, there are some great meds available. My grandfather has been on one for two years, and while he hasn't improved a lot, he hasn't gotten worse, either. Fortunately, he is able to live with my Aunt and her husband, so we haven't had to deal with the Assisted Living situation.

 

[feralmerril]

Bob, like many of us, I have been through your exact situation too. It was the toughest period of my life next to a hatefull divorice.
Dad was a widower in his late 80s. He lived in the boonies in wisconsin. I had just retired in california. It involved many trips back and forth. Dad was at first stubborn, had lost his drivers license and refused to go to assisted liveing. He was 8 miles from the nearest grocery store. On top of all that he was still a big 6ft 5" very powerfull man. He was the stubernest most conservative person you ever met even before he was hit with alzheimers.
I had to move in with him for 6 months, a very bad and trying 6 months! While he used to be very neat and organised in prior life, he had slipped into squaler and the home place was very dirty. It took me 6 months of argueing before I could get him to agree to assisted liveing. Thank God I was single at the time and was able to live with him!
It didnt stop with assisted liveing. As I said, he always was one of the biggest and tougest guys in the country in his good days. He wasnt mean, but had always been one of the quietest well mannered gentilmen anyone ever met. Yet due to his size and rugged looks the girls that worked at the rest home were afraid of him. His body was yet in good shape and he would force his way out every day and walk the streets of the small town. Once a old neighbor found him pokeing around at the old house in a blizzard 8 miles away! I must have flew or drove 8 trips in two years to wisconsin from california to straitin things out besides the 6 months liveing with him! I also had a aunt that lived nearby that was a huge help. But my poor aunt had just buried her husband that had alzheimers for about the past 10 years, and it almost killed her too as dad would walk over to her house every day and camp out. He got it in his head that she was his daughter as she was a kid sister 20 years younger! My sister due to circumstances was no help and lived in california, so since I had just retired it all fell on me.
The good news is its over! You will get through it too. We all will pray for you. Dad lived to right at 90.

 

[Jst1mr]

Moved the folks to Assisted Living just last week. Dad has Parkinson's (84 yrs old) and has begun to lose the mental edge as well as the physical. Mom (74yrs) had a stroke this summer and suffers from diabetic symptoms that have caused her to fall frequently. They lived in their beautiful retirement house in a park-like setting in the country and were reluctant to leave. We had lots of care assigned to help with meals and such, but I finally asked myself "If there were a fire in their home, would they be able to get out?". NO. Now they are adjusting to a whole new life style...hope it goes well.

 

[Wheelgunner840]

That's got to be one of the hardest decisions anyone has to make. A close friend of mine is dealing with the same situation with his mother. Her condition is getting to be quite advanced at this time. Sorry to hear of this, and will put you and yours in my prayers.

WG840

 

[BobsSmith]

A lot of you have been through the ringer as well. What is frustrating is that Dad seems "normal" for much of the time,except that his short term memory is bad. Then he will slip into the "Sundown" mode, where he does not know what to do. Like leaving the house at 4 AM to look for Mom.

Will be taking tomorrow morning off to shoot my new to me S & W 457 with my shooting buddy!

Rest of weekend is visiting Dad, "hiding" his car, looking at various facilities for Dad.

Thanks for the sharing...

Bob

 

[RufusG]

I had two Aunt's go through this. It's obviously hard on them but it's rough on the families as well. I think it took ten years off my Mother's life just worrying about one of them until they got her in a home.

She was in what was one of a national chain of Alzheimer's nursing homes, I want to say the name was "Sunrise". They were very nice people and did a heckuva job considering the task at hand.

 

[Spotteddog]

Bob,
My thoughts are with you. Went through it with my Dad too. Your doing it right. Getting them accustomed to the surroundings while still lucid is critical. After a while, he'll think of it as home. Damnable ailment! As hard on loving family members as it is on it's victim. No, I'm wrong? It's worse somehow on loving family members.