Dispatcher Humor

[Straightshooter2]

One of my wife's high school classmates is a dispatcher for the FHP in Tallahassee. Quite often, she sends out interesting things from work on Facebook which my wife shows me the really interesting ones. This from a couple of days ago:

Dispatcher: Gives location of a wreck with rollover to wrecker driver.
Wrecker Driver: "Do you have a description of the car?"
Dispatcher: "Uh, it will probably be the one that's upside down."

I know you LEOs have a bundle of them so let's hear them.

CW

 

[venomballistics]

lookup broadcastify.com or find a scanner app for your smartphone or tablet.

I could ride Chicago for its problems for a month and never run out of matierial, but they have a dispatcher that will make you want to add her to your Christmas list within the first half hour.
I think her name might be Vera.

an officer wasnt speaking into his mic directly and the transmision came across weak .... leave it to Vera to tell him "you can speak with your outside voice ... if you want to".

 

[Sayoc01]

Dispatcher for the Pqwer Co.after ANDREWS! Got a call from a woman,telling me she is without electricity & to send a crew...now!!
I said ,please give me your address & I will see if I can send a crew.She yells into the phone....did you hear what I said.... I said,send a crew NOW!!She then slamed the phone(landline)down! No name,no address,no number to call back,I just shook my head & laughed!
Jim

 

[eyegots2no]

This is not dispatch humor, but,

Why to the people at the grocery stores describe the hair and eye color and age of the lost child???

 

[venomballistics]

This is not dispatch humor, but,

Why to the people at the grocery stores describe the hair and eye color and age of the lost child???

saves the staff from having to do a brat roundup by putting the shoppers on the task

 

[Bajadoc]

People under stress in life or death situations say and do things that seem dumb or irrational. Not fair to hold people to what they say at there worst.

 

[Chuck24]

I always wondered about the poor cop that got the call in the Lorenna Bobbit case. " you want me to go to the vacant lot and look for what!? "

 

[old bear]

Dispatch in deadpan tone of voice, District 7, "check for the bean on the bridge"

Added: Warm summer at Oh-my-God early hrs.

Dispatch to D-5 "they be two or four legged?"

 

[Pondoro]

This is not dispatch humor, but,

Why to the people at the grocery stores describe the hair and eye color and age of the lost child???

I teach archery. When we lose an arrow in the tall weeds I make all the kids look, Someone always asks, "What color is it?" The old kids roll their eyes because they KNOW I will go into my, "It doesn't matter what color it is, if you find any arrow tell us!"

 

[4011]

Young patrol officer arrives on scene of a signal 4 major! Request Fire and EMS. Advises he will acess and advise. Officer to dispatch " possible signal 18 decapataction!" Heard it on my scanner. Couple of days later I was riding with him. He asks did I really say that?

 

[16thVACav]

I always wondered about the poor cop that got the call in the Lorenna Bobbit case. " you want me to go to the vacant lot and look for what!? "

What I wonder about is whether the cops had to do a chalk outline on the ground.

 

[32flyingk9]

Not a dispatch funny, but the traffic was broadcast to dispatch. I usually keep my in car radio in scan mode, and my portable radio on primary. We have several small towns in my area that broadcast on another frequency, and I like to monitor them in case something good is headed our way. On this particular day, one of those smaller agencies had their version of Bubba from Forrest Gump working.

I hear someone yelling on the radio, and realize that it's "Bubba". You can hear the panic in his voice, as he tells dispatch that there's a plane crashing. "Send me fire, EMS, and everybody you've got. Got a plane going down. Lot of smoke! Lot of smoke! Hang on radio, he's pulling up now....smoke is gone. OH LAWD, he's goin down again radio!! LOT OF SMOKE. OH LAWD JESUS!! Looks like he went down in a field." After several minutes of excitement, he keys up the mic and says "you can cancel everybody, radio. It was a cwop duster". I almost wrecked laughing so hard.

 

[jeffsmith]

I was a Police Dispatcher in a small town for 3 years

I sent a Patrolman on a routine noise call to Penny Lane
he asked me where it was over the MDT (Mobile Data Terminal)

My Reply was "Its in my ears and in my eyes"

Its actually in the Strawberry Fields Subdivision next to Abbey Rd

 

[venomballistics]

Not a dispatch funny, but the traffic was broadcast to dispatch. I usually keep my in car radio in scan mode, and my portable radio on primary. We have several small towns in my area that broadcast on another frequency, and I like to monitor them in case something good is headed our way. On this particular day, one of those smaller agencies had their version of Bubba from Forrest Gump working.

I hear someone yelling on the radio, and realize that it's "Bubba". You can hear the panic in his voice, as he tells dispatch that there's a plane crashing. "Send me fire, EMS, and everybody you've got. Got a plane going down. Lot of smoke! Lot of smoke! Hang on radio, he's pulling up now....smoke is gone. OH LAWD, he's goin down again radio!! LOT OF SMOKE. OH LAWD JESUS!! Looks like he went down in a field." After several minutes of excitement, he keys up the mic and says "you can cancel everybody, radio. It was a cwop duster". I almost wrecked laughing so hard.

you have to track him down and buy him a beer.
If not for his contribution, it would not have been possible for you to win the internet today.

 

[MaricopaKid]

People under stress in life or death situations say and do things that seem dumb or irrational. Not fair to hold people to what they say at there worst.

But if there is no one injured, may we smirk and mock them?

 

[venomballistics]

But if there is no one injured, may we smirk and mock them?

That's only the best part of being stuck in the human condition aside from beer

 

[venomballistics]

sometimes its the dry dutiful flat tone of voice that makes it hilarious.

I heard one out of Chicago earlier this year where a CPD radioed in upon arrival on a crime scene.
"Yes it appears to have been a bomb thrown at the car, It's not burning anymore"

 

[Rigor Mortis]

The officer that found the missing limb in the Lorenna Bobbit case was a young female officer. There was some urgency in the search as they feared a dog might find it first. Surgeon reattached it and worked fine by the porno shows of her ex-husband. Surgeon was never paid for his work. Happened in Prince William Co. VA

 

[yaktamer]

"Base to Sam 8."
"Sam 8."
In a sing-songy voice: "Call your mother, call your mother."

 

[Engine 21]

Years ago, prior to 911 - emergency calls came directly into the fire station headquarters. The Captain usually picked up the emergency line and as the emergency phone lines started lighting up I looked out the window and saw a 4 engine commercial aircraft with the number 1- left engine on fire. About that time I heard the Captain tell an excited caller "yes we can see it from here. However, we can't do a xxxx thing about it until it gets on the ground". The aircraft made the airport where the crash crew was waiting - just like the Captain said. He had a dry sense of humor to say the least.