Dispatcher Humor

[planojack]

My best call of this type was when I was having intermittent dial tone on my phone. One minute it would work, the next it would not. I called he repair service and was told that she could only check my service when the dial tone was not working. I would have to call back when I did not have a dial tone. DUH!

 

[venomballistics]

Exposing: 4760 Lafayette Avenue. Caller reports occupants of silver Sebring: The driver is leaning back and the passenger keep disappearing.
fresh in from Omaha today.
Seeing if MSO has audio

 

[chmpco]

""My best call of this type was when I was having intermittent dial tone on my phone. One minute it would work, the next it would not. I called he repair service and was told that she could only check my service when the dial tone was not working. I would have to call back when I did not have a dial tone. DUH! ""

Duh indeed. Dial tones only function is to let the user know the line is working. The line will work without it. It activates when there is a short on the line. It breaks when there is a second short on the line or a tone. Some how you were either putting a short on the line or the line was going open. Probably a broken wire where you were. The funny part is neither of you two had a clue. hope they sent someone out who had a clue.

 

[LMWIS]

In the traffic unit we have a vintage poster that says;

'Ever wonder how the the roaring lions of traffic become meek little kittens when the lion tamer (police officer) is around? We need more lion tamers.'

I was asking what an officer was doing, and I got this reply. Perhaps I got too much information...,

 

[bricker]

I worked in a ready-mix dispatch for a while and whenever the truck was a little late, the irate customer would call and demand to know when HIS concrete would arrive. After a bad day when all the trucks were running late, I heard a fellow dispatcher tell an abusive customer," Look, the helicopter is broke so we have to send it by truck, it's gonna take a little longer."

 

[Roadtrash]

Heard in the 70's over a scanner that was kept in a bar for laughs. "Prisnor has escaped from road crew and then gave location. Then"He was last seen heading south on a mule."

 

[rangemaster]

We have a small town PD (38 man dept.) and this is legendary. It happened before my career began.

The dispatcher for our PD used to be at the PD- not the 911 center. She receives a call of a shooting of a "regular" customer of ours.

Dispatcher: "Fairmont to Unit # so-and-so, just received a report of a shooting. Joe Blow reports that he was shot."

Responding officer: "Where was he shot, Fairmont?"

Dispatcher: "In the leg."

 

[Iggy]

Colonel's secretary comes into the Dispatch Office.
She's a nice old lady that has been with the Patrol for 30 years and has no concept of LE procedures or much of any thing else.

Asks the dispatcher to contact Division Sgt Woodward.

Pat 7 Cheyenne,.....
Pat 7 Cheyenne,......

Secretary, "Let me try.."

Not an authorized procedure, but it's the Colonel's secretary, and she seems pretty concerned..

Dispatcher allows her access to the mike.

Secretary.. "Woody!... Woody!.... If you can't hear me, call me on the phone!!!"


He didn't answer

 

[CScott]

Years ago I worked for a heavy equipment outfit when a service tech called in for directions to a service call. He got confused aND said "Wait a minute I'm all f***** up". Apparently some official was listening in and came on the air "Will the person who made that last transmission please identify himself? " There was a pause and then our guy came back on saying "I'm not that f***** up!" .
As told to me at the time by our dispatcher and backed up by the tech who shall remain nameless.

 

[Houlton]

One of my Officers got a call for a possible drunk driver. He found the car, got it stopped and found it was an Officer from a neighboring city. He was sober so My guy asked him what the problem was. He said 34 1/2. Took George a minute to catch on what that was times 2.

 

[jimmyj]

Jimmy's Opinion:
Those who walk on water-
1. Jesus
2. Combat Medics
3.Dispatchers
4. Backup Officers who are already en route before you manage to get loose enough to yell for assistance

 

[4330Inroute]

We had a dispatcher who had over 20 years of service with the Sheriff's Dept.. One afternoon a garbled transmission asking for help came over the radio. She asked for 'Last unit identify' and received no answer. She started a roll call of units, we had 6 units and a Sgt. on the Valley floor and 4 units and a Sgt. in our Mountain area. Several were out on calls. The Sheriff was walking by and asked her what was happening and without looking up told him 'Shut up one of my boys is in trouble.' When he asked again she told him with no uncertain terms to shut up and let her work. When she identified the deputy in trouble she sent in the cavalry including the neighboring agencies. After it was over she took a break and was called into the Sheriff's office. She learned it was he she told to shut up and feared she was going to be reprimanded or maybe fired. He told her that she on the list for Dispatch Supervisor and her actions today just got her promoted.
Not that humorous I know but a good story.

 

[EugeneNine]

I used to install and service e-911 psap's. I did get one call when a dumb terminal caught fire in the room in the back of the fire department. The dispatcher chucked out the back door but told me he was temped to tone out the FD to a fire call at the FD.

 

[shouldazagged]

Many years ago a friend of mine, a seminary student, was serving as student pastor of a little country church in Indiana. The students came and went, but the phone number of the manse remained the same.

A heating oil company opened a depot in the county seat, and the phone number was one digit removed from that of the manse. My friend started getting calls in the middle of the night from people who had run out of fuel. He went to the oil company and very nicely explained that the manse had had the same number for over twenty years and people in the community knew to call it in case of an emergency. He politely asked if they could change their number.

The owner of the company pretty much told him to do something anatomically impractical because they had already printed ads with their number. He was really unpleasant about it.

So my friend just started taking orders. Someone would call at 0215 on a bitter-cold night, and he'd say, "Okay, I'll send the truck right out." And go back to sleep.

After a dozen or so irate customers had nearly kicked in the door of the oil depot, they changed their phone number.