Forwarded "Chain Letter" E-mail Mini Rant

This one always brings a tear to me eye...

BILLY EVANS A BOY WITHOUT A BODY LET'S HELP HIM...

My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with Disney World and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.

Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless ******* who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard.

I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Thank You,
Billy "Smiley" Evans
 
Okay, I am going to smash Billy evans.

Before I do, however, a bit of interesting info.

I once posted something on another forum, basically saying "Will whoever actually wrote the dreaded thing, please stand up." This was because I found two different people claiming authorship.

The result was one Jason Dole said he had originally written the anti-chain because he was so frustrated with all the sick kid hoax glurge going around. And guess what? It went viral, and mutated. Dole claimed he didn't put the part about animal poop in and didn't know who had. The freaking anti-chain just got that added in as forwarders passed it around.

So, I am on to smashing Billy Evans now. already smashed the Justin Bieber anti-chain. Going to be a busy night again.

All the attention-seeking via social network chaining annoys the heck out of me. and from what little I've been exposed to of that nightmarish site known as Quotev *Shudder* Believe me, no sane person lasts long over there. Ugh.
 
Smoke said:
Ditto, if I get those they go straight into the trash.
Click to expand...

Same here, though I will always reply with a debunk if I can find a link or a few to back up my position. And then I scream inside my head and write out a burning rant that the friend never sees, and put it up somewhere others might see it and get the hint. If my friends aren't going to listen to me and they'll just dump me for rejecting the offensive junk they keep buying into, I'll get the message out some other round about way and keep from going insane. Because just deleting quietly and being nice girl just doesn't help me at all. It doesn't even discourage the forwards. Some people take forever to get the hint, because without getting enough debunks, they just think your saying nothing means you're fine with getting their spam.

There are a couple of them that make the rounds on FB every so often that are parodies that end with something like

"If you don't forward this you hate Jesus, Puppies, Kittens and BACON and if you hate bacon the terrorists win"

Those always get forwarded :D
Click to expand...

*Headcomp* Aaaaaaagh! Those get burning smashes from me too. For one thing, they are anti-chains and I hate anti-chains. For another, mentioning Jesus in a chain letter, serious or not makes me scream. The bacon thing - bacon in and itself has become a freaking edible meme and that annoys me. People putting bacon into everything, in things where it just doesn't belong IMO. Who wants bacon scented soap? Bleah, not me! Who wants bacon covered in chocolate? Ewwww! Not me! Get away! Just give me bacon in its normal form, in normal foods, main dishes, never desserts, and not even touching maple syrup. So I just get bugged by this whole bacon fad anyway.

And the other part of this kind of anti-chain where terrorists are referenced *Facepalm* It just occurred to me it's a troll hating on Muslims yet again. *Scowl* People on the right need to cut this out. Their chain letters and Muslim-flaming activity makes all of us on the non-left look bad, and boy, that royally ticks me off.
 
Here's some morning reading.

Billy Smiley Evans, the sad sack anti-chain kid gets a very unfriendly reception from Yours Truly. And I could've got around to this a long time ago. Just hadn't until seeing it now, and I have time to spare. This thing's been going around since 2008, I think it's time this kid was told to take a hike.

Does anyone else dare scream back at a chain letter, especially a hoax kid? Or am I blazing a trail here?

Head to head, hah! Considering Billy Evans supposedly only has a head, how appropriate.

On with the fireworks.

* * *

Chain: BILLY EVANS A BOY WITHOUT A BODY LET'S HELP HIM...

Miss Capri: The things people believe, or continue being amused at after all this time. *Tsks* Let's help him spread like wild fire? People have done that. The result? Irritation!

Billy Evans's chain: My name is Billy Evans.

Miss Capri: So you're Billy evans… Somebody at least took the time to name you something. Believe it or not, some chain letter characters don't even get that much.

Billy Evans: I am a very sick little boy.

Miss Capri: Such is the lot of a pathetic chain letter kid. Oh well. No sympathy from me.

Billy Evans: My mother is typing this for me, because I can't.

Miss Capri: Makes sense, since it takes as much effort to think up and dictate all this crud as to type it yourself, Billy.

Billy Evans: She is crying.

Miss Capri: I would be too if I was stuck in a 2008 time warp with you, forced to write this same letter for you into infinity. Only I'd eventually crack completely and just start destroying anything within reach. Including you.

Billy Evans: The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick.

Miss Capri: You already established that within the first few sentences. Typical chain letter redundancy. It doesn't make me any sorrier for you.

Billy Evans: I was born without a body.

Miss Capri: So you're an ameba, one that can actually think.Right. :p

Billy Evans: It doesn't hurt,

Miss Capri: You can't feel what you claim you don't have. Duh. You might want to check that nose-length of yours at any rate.

Billy Evans: except when I try to breathe.

Miss Capri: Bollox. I'm astounded that people actually wrote into hoax-busting sites, wondering if this schlock could possibly be true.

Billy Evans: The doctors gave me an artificial body.

Miss Capri: nope, can't be done. Not even eye-transplants can be done yet.

Billy Evans: It is a burlap bag filled with leaves.

Miss Capri: Only a three-year-old playing doctor would try that and come close to believing it made their doll real.

Billy Evans: The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.

Miss Capri: Liar. Doctors just don't come in this degree of greedy quack.

Billy Evans: I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.

Miss Capri: I would like a lot of stuff that I need more money to get, too, but at least my ambitions/goals are not utterly impossible or untrue. Yours, however, Billy - what a load.

Billy Evans: Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people.

Miss Capri: What's she trying to do, make a new ocean? A person's got to stop crying some time. Someone who just constantly turns on the tears - urgh. Yeah, that would give me a case of shot nerves being around them too. But, even employers sometimes cry too, so there goes another one of your fibs right out the window.

Billy Evans: I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag.

Miss Capri: and I say, take a hike before I tear your stuffings out.

Billy Evans: Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

Miss Capri: Wow it must suck to be her.

Billy Evans: I hope you will help me.

Miss Capri: You've been helped more than enough already, to my annoyance.

Billy Evans: You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too.

Miss Capri: I wouldn't even forward this to people I don't like.

Billy Evans: Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with Disney World and send a nickel to NASA.

Miss Capri: Whoa Billy! Watch it, your nose is going to cause some kind of natural disaster at the rate it's growing. What have you and your fictional doctor to do with Gates, disney and Nasa? You're just not that important, kid, especially since you're not even real.

Billy Evans: With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better.

Miss Capri: Nasa can't take people into different dimensions, and even if by some amazing feat, they could, I'd strongly advise them to steer clear of your chain letter angel friends. Those monsters are up to no good.

Billy Evans: Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors.

Miss Capri: *Scowl* He doesn't believe in your chain letter either so leave him out of it.

Billy Evans: The doctors could help me get better then.

Miss Capri: No, Billy. all the money in the world couldn't fix a pathetic anti-chain sick kid like you.

Billy Evans: Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball.

Miss Capri: Oh, sure, with the other silly kender in chain letter tales, but never with us real people.

Billy Evans: Right now I can only be third base.

Miss Capri: Yet you're too sick to type. Yeah right. I'll hit a home-run right on your head if you don't shut it soon.

Billy Evans: Every time you forward this letter,

Miss Capri: I'd be a spamming idiot. No thanks.

Billy Evans: the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.

Miss Capri: Redundant. You already said that and it's still balderdash.

Billy Evans: Please help me.

Miss Capri: No.

Billy Evans: Mommy is so sad,

Miss Capri: You already said that up above… Twice. I get it. Her life with you sucks.

Billy Evans: and I want a body.

Miss Capri: So do the body snatchers.

Billy Evans: I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

Miss Capri: That's the last thing you should be worried about. The real rot is inside your brain.

Billy Evans: If you don't forward this email, that's okay.

Miss Capri: No, that's more than okay, that's good. Passive-aggressiveness, reverse psych approach doesn't work on me either.

Billy Evans: Mommy says you're a mean and heartless ******* who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head.

Miss Capri: Dandy. she can go cry herself into oblivion for all I care. She'd eventually be happier for it anyway.

Billy Evans: She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach,

Miss Capri: I don't dwell within my own stomach, imbecile. and yep, it's guilt-free where you're concerned.

Billy Evans: she hopes you die a long slow horrible death and then burn forever in hell.

Miss Capri: She should be very careful, that sort of wish could come back and bite, or rather, burn her instead.

Billy Evans: What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes

Miss Capri: Hah! It took me longer than that to write out this smash.. Are you sorry you tried to insult and guilt-trip everyone by default for not forwarding yet?

Billy Evans: to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame

Miss Capri: Oh, yeah, what a cruel person am I for not wanting to needlessly make my friends feel bad. Aren't I just despicable. *Snicker*

Billy Evans: about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Miss Capri: actually a poor brainless little boy who doesn't exist.

As for this age thing, Billy, you have been caught in a lie. Your chain has been going around since at least as far back as 2008. That means you're far older than 9 by now.

Oh, you'll continue to be just fine, unfortunately. You've managed to help the likes of Teddy and Bloody Mary stink up the net with chain letters for years.

Billy Evans: Please help me.

Miss Capri: You can parrot out this plea time and time again, and my answer will always be the same. NO!

Billy Evans: I try to be happy, but it's hard.

Miss Capri: I know. Your mommy is sad because you're sick and you're only third base. Your un-life sucks out loud. I get that. I just don't care.

Billy Evans: I wish I had a kitty.

Miss Capri: So do I, but we can't get everything we want. You've been getting what you've really wanted since 2008, though, dupes reposting/sharing/emailing your anti-chain.

Billy Evans: I wish I could hold a kitty.

Miss Capri: Knock it off with the kitty already. I get it. You want to get and hold and hug and kiss and love a kitty cat. Tough darts for you.

Billy Evans: I wish I could hold a kitty

Miss Capri: *Scowl* You already said that! Shut it! *Thwacks Billy Evans upside the head*

Billy Evans: that wouldn't chew on me

Miss Capri: You wouldn't have any better luck with a dog or a rabbit, they chew stuff a lot more than cats, so you're not convincing me of anything here.

Billy Evans: and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body.

Miss Capri: *Disgusted glare* As Jason Dole said, that wasn't in his original version, adding it in doesn't improve on it at all. Since when to cats seek out burlap leaf sacks to do their business in anyway? They like to do it in the dirt.

Billy Evans: I wish that very much.

Miss Capri: I wish you'd shut up and die. as in, stop being recycled and recirculated.

Billy Evans: Thank You,

Billy "Smiley" Evans

Miss Capri: You're not welcome.

No love.

Miss Capri

* * *

That's it for this episode. Later all.
 
Wait a minute...What now?(backing away slowly) not *backing away slowly*:D
 
timn8er said:
*No argument here*
Click to expand...

Mehehehehe. *Grins* Believe it or not, I treat those gender-related chains the same way Most women love the ones that tell guys to practically become like slaves to their gf/spouse and be sure to tell her she's "beautiful" a million times a day. To that I say: put a freakin' sock in it! and a bunch of other stuff. Out come the cyber weaponry. I'll go after chain letter dudes too who say particularly dumb things about how girls should treat them too.
 
Can't speak for anyone else, but I'll use quotes to quote what someone else says, but use * to denote some action on my part. When I grin at you, it looks like this: *grin*
 
Warren Sear said:
BILLY EVANS A BOY WITHOUT A BODY LET'S HELP HIM...
Click to expand...

Yo - Please post Billy Evans' address -- I have SEVERAL kitties that I'll be glad to send him.

P.S. I like (and use) the *asterisks* in place of "quotes". It's not like we're writing term papers - Although, actual correct spelling would be nice................
 
DeadAye said:
Beats me..........:confused:
Click to expand...

Heh. Chalk it up (or down?) to individual quirks.

So... Autocorrect. Sometimes it really bugs me. I appreciate when it corrects a word I actually mistyped or misspelled. But not so much when one is deliberately writing a word, and Autocorrect thinks it should be something completely different. "Yes, autocorrect, I was writing 'f a n d o m s' not 'randoms' or 'fantoms'."
 
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