Three elderly ladies are sitting around. First one says, "I'm 70
years old but (rap, rap, rap) knock on wood, I'm still sharp. But,
some times I go to the store for two items and I'll forget one of
them."
Second one says, "Well, I'm 75 years old but (rap, rap, rap) knock
on wood, I'm still sharp. But, some times I'll call someone, dial
the number, and by the time they pick up the phone I've forgotten
who I've called."
Third one says, "Well, I'm 80 years old but (rap, rap, rap)...
Come in!"
An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl
of about seventeen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm
and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on
her knees and pleaded, "Please don't call the police, mister, oh
please!! If you don't, I'll let you make love to me and do whatever
you want with my body!"
The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in. Soon they
were naked and in bed together. The old man tried hard and tried hard,
but he couldn't get up an erection. Finally, he rolls over, exhausted,
and embarassed.
"I'm sorry, young lady...but it's no use," he gasped. "I'm afraid...
I'm going to have to...call the police...after all."
Three old-timers are sitting on the front porch of their retirement
home, kinda' quiet when the first old fella says "You know, things
just ain't what they used to be. I used to get up in the morning,
take myself a good piss, and I'd feel great for the day. Now, I get
up and it's hardly a trickle anymore... Hurts like hell, too"
Second old timer says "Yeah, I remember waking up, and after a
cup of coffee or two I'd take a really good ****. Now I gotta
strain 'til I get dizzy, just for a couple small rabbit turds"
That third ole' boy is just sittin' there, so one of the others
asks "and what about you, you ain't said nothin"
The man answers, "Well sir, every morning I take a real good leak
at 7 o'clock, and at 7:30 I take a pretty healthy dump, too"
First guy says "man, you really got it all together, dontcha?"
"Not really", says the third, "I don't get up until 8 o'clock"