I Thought I Retired.

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These are three of the calls I've had in the last two days. There have been a lot more since I retired on January 18.

Call number one: Last night Maria called. She said she had some questions she wanted me to answer. She told me she was down the road from her 26 year old daughter's house waiting for a friend of her daughter's to bring her daughter's son to her. I asked why was she down the road, why not go pick the kid up. Maria then went into a long rant about how her daughter had one kid out of wedlock and shortly after that got pregnant again by a soldier who was getting deployed to Afghanistan. The daughter married the soldier who was deployed shortly after the wedding. While he was gone she found out he had another girl pregnant at the same time. The two mommies have been comparing notes while "Double Daddy" was gone and the relationship between Maria's daughter and baby daddy has soured. Back to why Maria was waiting down the road. "Double Daddy" showed up with a brand new unpregnant girlfriend and wanted to take his new three month old son with him and the new GF. Maria was afraid he'd snatch the kid so she went to pick him up and take him to her house. Her question to me was: "What can I do if he comes to my house and tries to break down my door and get his son?" Anybody confused yet? I basically told her not to take him to her house, take him somewhere Double Daddy doesn't know about, take two aspirin, and call a lawyer first thing in the morning.

Call number two: Robin called and said she was getting evicted and somebody had kicked in the back door of the trailer she was moving from and wanted to know what she could do to keep from paying for the door. Robin's stepfather is a childhood friend of mine. Robin is a big girl with lot's of tattoos and no job. I don't know how she could rent anything. About 15 years ago she came up pregnant with twin boys and about the time they were born the baby daddy went to jail. They never married. Not long after the twins were born her mother and stepfather got custody of them and have been raising them ever since. I told Robin she should start by getting a police report about the door and that maybe her landlord wouldn't charge her for the door. Not likely though because if she'd been paying her rent she would not be getting evicted. I told her to call the SO and have an officer meet her at the trailer and take a report so she'd have something to show the landlord. "I don't have a way to get there." I asked her if she had a car and she said she ran it into a power pole and didn't have insurance to get it fixed. "How are you moving out?" I asked. She said a friend was helping her and I envisioned another creature in a pickup like the last time I saw her several years ago. I told her to get the friend to take her back over there long enough to get the report done. "Uh, OK."

Call number three: A couple of days ago Deputy Chris called and wanted to know if I knew where "Jimmy" was. I know who Jimmy is and I told Chris I could probably locate him and asked why they were looking for him. Chris was not happy. He told me a lot of disgusting things Jimmy had done to his seven year old daughter and said he was trying to serve warrants on him for rape of a minor child. Chris said he had been to Jimmy's house and he wasn't there. He wanted to get to him before his neighbors told him officers had been there fearing he might take off. Jimmy is a wannabee. He works night watchman jobs, which is not a bad thing, but his uniform looks like Adolph Hitler on a SWAT team. He drives a white Tahoe with push bumpers, screen prisoner cage, red lights, and antennas everywhere. He's got all the latest gadgets he can legally own. I told Chris not to talk about him on the SO radio because Jimmy has a scanner that he never turns off. As far as I know he's not certified by any law enforcement agency. I called my friend Leland because I knew Leland knew his employer. Leland gave me the needed info and a couple of hours later Jimmy was picked from the warehouse he was guarding. Jimmy's kids were sent to foster care because his wife showed no inclination to protect them. Jimmy is in jail waiting on a bond hearing. After his arrest two more complaints about him and children were received and are being investigated. I could get deeper into this but I won't. I will say the investigator working this one has her hands full.

The phone quit ringing a couple of hours ago and I will now go back into retirement. The freezer is full of fish my granddaughters and I caught, the tomatoes are almost ripe and I have to retie them daily, the grass is cut but the mower broke down on the way back to the shed, I have other veggies to put up, and I still have a packed range box that I need to do something with. If somebody needs some help I'll still take time to listen though.
 
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Never a dull moment around there huh Charlie.
Glad you are getting to do some fishing and spending a little
time with the grandkids. Enjoy your retirement as you have
earned it fully. Forget about the mower and buy a couple of
goats. :D:D:D

Chuck
 
You are a good man. Maria, should take the unfaithful Marine to court and get him to start paying child support. He apparently has enough money to be able to go out an "charm" all these women!!
 
Always grabs my attention when I see one of your community news updates; quite the cast of characters and the mental images I envision of each individual are quite "interesting" to say the least. Makes me quite proud of the way my sons have turned out. I thank you for the much needed service (paid or not) that you provide to your neighbors.
 
Charlie have you ever thought about moving after retirement...Retirement Protection Program.......Well wait untill the tomatoe's are ripe....Good luck....I found that not looking out the door works sometime......If they aren't shooting...That hasn't happened yet.
 
Sounds a bit like DC....Seems like everyone should know you retired but apparently no one got the memo.
 
I sure hope you've got enough adult beverages. The last one was a big bottle, but probably a short life expectancy.

I've made a few observations. Remember I've only been retired for 3 years now. You never really retire if you left in good standing. Sometimes I've considered those who got fired to have ended up better off. I get calls all the time from work. Usually from someone who I've explained their problem to a dozen times in the past. Its easier for them to just not think. Ask Dick, he'll help you.

The owner of the company I retired from considers me a consultant, so he pays me to be nice to the idiots. He even calls from time to time with a legitimate question. Its kind of fun watching the trouble others get themselves into. My replacement isn't my friend - he just tells them to call Dick and where to find my phone number.

In your case it probably is good that you listen and offer up good advice. It reminds you that you did a good job in the past and people relied on you because of it. Obviously you know where to draw the line and its advice only. No reason to get your hands dirty in all this.

On other subjects.... have you started fertilizing the neighbors yards?
Vacant houses look so much better with tall grass. I spent the last 8 years hoping someone would burn the dump next to me. I always enjoyed the foot tall yard, sometimes 2 feet with proper nutrients. I was sure the ownerette (she's not real old, just fat) enjoyed being reminded she owned it and needed to do maintenance. The city took care of that with regular postings on her front door and mailed to her home.

At least you live out in the country. There are things I can't figure out. Where do the former tenants go? Sure, the ones lodged in the county jail are easy to figure. But when they inevitably get out, where do they move. A house that was once full (sometimes over full) becomes vacant and just stays that way. How wealthy are the owners that they can afford it? We've got bums living on the riverbank. So where do they go when it gets cold or rainy? Do we have that much excess housing that we can afford all those empty (and often never visited) homes to sit empty?
 
When I retired 12 years ago, my only fears were of possible boredom and the government screwing with my health insurance....still have the latter fear. Once friends and relatives were fully aware of all the "free" time I had on my hands, my skills with plumbing, electrical, metalworking, and home construction, kept a long list of available chores to avoid any chance of boredom. With my own chores puttering around 65 acres, with 6 acres of lawn, gun hobbies, honeydo lists, and with a little time for just goofing off, I sometimes wonder how I ever found the time to go to work before retirement.
Having read many of Charlie's stories here on the forum, usually a very captivating mix of colorful characters and on the job humor, at least one book should be part of his retirement plan. He has the writing skills to make those characters appear in your mind as though you were watching a movie while reading about the participants. He could title it "Truth Really is Stranger Than Fiction", or "Misfits of Mississippi",....title possibilities are endless. Go for it and put me on the list to buy a signed first edition.
 
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Thank ya for bein' who you are, sir.
If you're retired, does that mean you have the time to start writing that book?
 
Charlie, do you live near a Walmart Super Center? Jus sayin.
 
I'm really looking forward to retiring in three years. Although in my case it just means getting another job and working until I die.
 
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