Is it the kids today...or just me?

[snubbyfan]

Friend of mine bought a trailer, hitched it to the back of his truck and moved out here to get away from the city and get his "stuff" together. Him and his wife divorced years ago and she got their boy. She started smoking crack, sold her body for drug money then killed herself.
My friend got his son back at 16 and did his best to raise the boy right including a psych eval. He was diagnosed as having a borderline personality disorder. Meds helped some. Now the boys in his 20's and he's in jail again.

 

[vigil617]

If this kid has threatened his siblings with a knife and mentioned gutting them, he needs psychiatric evaluation pronto. He could just be an angry teenager who isn't getting his way, or it could be far more serious.

I have one relative and one friend each of whom has a teenaged boy who has been diagnosed as a true sociopath. These are people with something missing: they are incapable of empathy or concern for others. They can kill someone without remorse, torture animals, steal quite casually, etc., etc. They can also be very believable. In both the cases involving people I know the juvenile courts mandated home incarceration, which puts parents and siblings in an impossible situation.

Before offering this kid a job I'd urge his parents most strongly to get him evaluated by someone competent to diagnose his problem in depth. I have great respect for juvenile court social workers, but most of them are not sufficiently trained in that level of diagnostic work.

No, it's not "the kids today". This kid doesn't fit easy generalization. Lots of others don't for positive reasons.

100% agree with this, and there is a chance the kid has a screw loose if the parent's description of the threat with the butcher knife is accurate. BUT kids being kids, it could have just been "tough talk" with something heard on TV or in a movie, and not an honest-to-goodness threat with the intent to follow up.

Being the "middle kid" has its own set of stressors, and who knows what the dynamic is in that family. The older brother could be a bully, the younger sister a pest....you know the drill.

I hope the kid will be OK, no matter what. Thanks, Mule Packer, for at least considering giving him a shot.

 

[EugeneNine]

Its not just kids, I know just as many people middle aged or older with the same ethic.

 

[eveled]

When I was a kid, I looked for people working outside, to watch or help. When they would let me I preferred to help. I learned to keep my mouth shut and watch or help. Either way I learned a lot, sometimes the way not to do something. Regardless, it was something in my nature that drove me towards work.

My friends all thought I was nuts. It is not just this generation, but all generations have their share of lazy people, and their share of workers.

Give him another chance, but watch your back. Thanks for trying. Ed

 

[357-RevolverGuy]

This sounds like a part in the movie Gran Torino (starring Clint Eastwood). He isn't Mongolian is he?

 

[jkc]

If he is that fat and lazy, then it sounds like to me that work begins at home. Even if he lives in an apartment there should be things to keep his fat self moving.

When I was a kid my parents never ran out of work for me. Wash the cars, yard work, clean the garage, give the dog a bath, mop the the kitchen floor, clean all the windows in the house (I hated that) fireplace... on and on... or just be dad's go-fer when he was working on the car, house or TV (TVs had tubes back then and it was fun to use the tube tester at the grocery store). Dad was NEVER at a loss to keep me busy. SLAVE DRIVER!!

SLAVE DRIVER!!, indeed, explaining the curmudgeon you've become...

 

[feralmerril]

I have been through this as my sister had 6 kids and her husband died young. I belive it was called paranoid schizophrenic with one. He was in the army a short while and got drummed out. Shortly after that his dad died and he was on my door step. I had him a couple days and was giving him a mild chewing. We were at the supper table and he grabed a steak knife, started shaking and started to tell me that he was the meanest ------ ------ in the world with a knife. At the time I was married and my daughter was about five and she was sitting between us. To me it seemed slow motion. My ex said she never seen me move so fast in my life. I knocked him to the floor and really was fighting myself to not kill him.
The next morning I took him to a shrink and the shrink came out and told me, yup he`s crazy, belive it or not, in those very words! We eventualy got him medicated and on ssi. That was back around 1983. Today he lives by himself and is about 49 years old. He is okay as long as he is on his meds, he still dont work and is fully on ssi.
If you are going to get involved, (I wouldnt again), you need to find out if he is a mental case or just rotten. if he is just spoiled you might stand a chance of beating him in line, but likely you will get in big legal trouble if you do that. You cant fix crazy. Eventualy if thats the case he will get meds and on the system before he kills someone.
I used to argue and preach untill I was blue in the face with him. All that it done was make him feel bad and I would hate myself for loseing it. Been there, done that, and wont again. He had another brother that I went through the same thing with too. That one died on my watch in 2004. He was about 40 years old. My sister has a third son that is about 6ft 8"s with a worse case of it. It was or had to be some genetic mis match as she had six kids and three of them have/had this disorder. Personaly, I lay it possibly due to her and her husband getting into sceintology back in the 1950s and raiseing the kids in it and useing their methods. I will also say most "experts" will say I am wrong.

 

[rojodiablo]

Dang! I must not be able to communicate very well. Got contacted the other night about one of the kids that lives in our town. His folks wanted to know if I could "help."

The kid is fifteen years old and has already had some "problems" at home. He's threatened his sixteen-year old brother and seven-year old sister with a butcher knife. I guess he told them he was going to gut them like a fish. It was so bad, they had to call the authorities. He was taken away for about a week for "observation."

Anyway, he's home now and the main problem, as I see it, is the kid doesn't know how to work. His idea of exertion is sitting on his big fat [couch], eating ice cream, and playing his X-box all day long.

His parents asked if he could come over to my place and work for me. I told them it was okay as far as I was concerned. Apparently he had previously worked for one of the other guys in town and told his parents that the old boy was a "slave driver." I told them if he thought ol' Wade was a slave driver, he'd hate me, because I make Wade look like a ***** cat.

Then, I sort of laid things out. I explained that I wouldn't ask him to do anything I wasn't willing to do right along side him...that included everything from shoveling manure to digging thistle out of the pastures to topping off some young mules.

He was supposed to show up over an hour ago. He hasn't shown.

Did I say something wrong?

My buddy across the road thinks it's because the kid heard about me answering my door one night about 10:45 with a .45 in my hand. My friend says that might've put the kid on edge.

I don't know. I'm thinking that if his folks call again, I'll just tell them that I can't use him. What do you think?

I'd call his folks just to see that they are ALIVE.

 

[kamloops67]

i would have liked to work for someone like you at 15, i worked for most my neighbors here and there as needed. one guy let me shoot his 44mag blackhawk another made moonshine,yet another had a knock out daughter that became miss rodeo canada .
kid might come around, hope so for his sake. working for the neighbor rocks.

 

[Intheshop]

The very best of luck to you....and your decision,one way or another.

We're sort of on our second round with all this.We were blessed with having 1/2 dz or so young men come through here that we helped up from the bttm.Words just can't do justice to the peace and harmony that God bestows on you for lending a helping hand.

We're working on wacked/messed up G-youngins now.One of my extended G-boys is 5.Him and his 4 y.o. brother were taken from a crack *****.A cpl younger friends of ours adopted both.Anyway,we babysit....and love doing so.The little 5 y.o. is just pathetic,he just got kicked out of another preschool.Their new mom's in hospital(messed up knee) so we're working with him.

It's a sad state when people abuse...mentally as well as physically...little kids.Will say a prayer for you.Best of luck.

 

[Alnamvet68]

It's not the kid, it's not you, it's the parent(s), the failing schools, and a pervasive state philosophy of dire consequences for the parent or a teacher should appropriate discipline be applied.

 

[fat tom]

Don't they still have those "boot camps" for troubled kids?
f.t.

 

[ChattanoogaPhil]

SLAVE DRIVER!!, indeed, explaining the curmudgeon you've become...

Right!

If there was a teen at home I wouldn't be begging the neighbors to put him to use. There's endless work to be done right here at home! Almost makes me wish there was a teen at home... well maybe almost...

 

[Comrad]

For me it would depend on how mentally sick this kid is. Don't want him turning on you one day. Sad to say but not everyone can be saved, trouble is it's almost impossible to tell who can and who can't. If he's already threatened his own family with a knife I would be very concerned. Just watched a documentary about kids like that. If he's got any history of setting fire, animal cruelty and bed wetting the odds are he's quite dangerous. Sorry, just an opinion.

 

[feralmerril]

There is one of those programs for troubled intercity youths here in the boonies. They take the kids I think blindfolded or however in the remote area of SW utah. They make the kids live primitive and do stuff together to rely on each other. I have ran into them several times while we were rideing quad in remote areas. The first time we were parked on the trail and some came through pushing a high wheeled hand cart of supplys. A black kid smiled and asked me if I had some coke. I started to dig out a pop out of our cooler bag to give them a few and their handeler came up and said that wasnt the type coke he wanted! Another time a cowboy came with a van of them to our friends resturant. I noticed that when a couple used the rest room he stood by the door as they could have tried to escape and hitch hike away. What I seen may well have actualy been rebellious sons of rich people paying big to have them straightend out by a wilderness type boot camp. I met one guy that had worked as a counseler for what sounded like the same group. I dont know if it was this outfit or not but suspect it was.
Boot Camps Troubled Teens | Utah

 

[shouldazagged]

For me it would depend on how mentally sick this kid is. Don't want him turning on you one day. Sad to say but not everyone can be saved, trouble is it's almost impossible to tell who can and who can't. If he's already threatened his own family with a knife I would be very concerned. Just watched a documentary about kids like that. If he's got any history of setting fire, animal cruelty and bed wetting the odds are he's quite dangerous. Sorry, just an opinion.

Agreed, 100%. That's why he needs expert psychiatric evaluation. If he has a borderline personality disorder, that's difficult to treat because it's what seems normal to him and he figures everybody else is screwed up; but it can be treated over a long period of time. Personality disorders are learned ways of behaving, not true mental illness. On the other hand, if he's a true sociopath it will never be really safe for him to live in society. That's harsh, but it's true. He lacks the ability to feel any compunction about hurting or killing animals or people, and always will.

Sure, there are lots of spoiled, lazy kids who just don't like rules and refuse to work. There are plenty who could have used a hell of a lot more discipline when they were younger. But there are many who are great kids, and unfortunately a few who are terribly dangerous.

 

[Foodfuzz]

I taught school several years ago. Ran into a few kids like the one described. If he has threatened sibling he definitely need to have someone qualified evaluate him. A lot of parents are willing to allow someone else to raise their offspring for them. I couldn't make up in seven hours at school the lack of interest or neglect many got at home. I was there to teach thirty kids math, science , spelling, English, by the way, toss in manners, respect for others, patience, etc.
I don't know if it's possible for you to make up in a few hours what he is lacking from home. I had one kid pull a knife on another for disrespecting him for stepping on his shadow. Sounds like you might be better off not having him show up.
If he does, check six, keep your head on a swivel.

 

[feralmerril]

As said it would be hard enough handeling a mean, spoiled, lazy kid but still that would be more doable than trying to teach a undiagnosed and un medicated skitzo! You have to be sure his problem isnt a medical mental one first! Even the army didnt diagnose my nephews problem. Than just threw him out. It was AFTER that, that it got so bad we had him diagnosed, medicated and got him on ssi. I spent (wasted?) roughly eight years fighting and policeing two nephews on and off and sometimes together. This is matthew, the one that died on me in 2004.

 

[kamloops67]

you all remember thet teen angst is real ,right?
i knew a kid that was a bad axe wanted to be a gunman ,didnt mind fighting ,screwed up all the time loved burnin stuff and making weapons, traps etc killed a lot of squirrels etc tried making bombs but didnt know how. (no internet back then). chased girls didnt do his homework was kicked out of his moms house to live with his dad and was bounced back a year later,and he was mean to his cat...well, he turned out ok yeah the cat too
he might just need a good example to follow. a kid like that might just listen to a man he respects