It's all just stuff...

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I've been spending the last few months of my life helping care for my wife's side of the family. Her Father is in very poor health and speeding down the dementia freeway down in Texas. Struggling to get her four sisters to agree and help with his care is nigh impossible. The only thing they seem to care about is wanting all of daddy's money which, if it ever existed have long ago been gambled away in the casinos. Her Sister here in Alaska is at end of life care for cancer. Additionally at work, I'm posted in the prison infirmary, which is pretty much where inmates come to die. We had one die a few months ago who died screaming for help, because he couldn't get past the locked doors. Other officers were amused and inferred he was talking about the prison doors. I took the doors he was struggling with on an entirely different more religious perspective that is still affecting me. Suffice to say, dying and dying well has been a frequently pondered topic for me lately.

The Sister in Law is twice widowed, and has been pretty much poor all her life. Consequently, she's a bit of a hoarder, and incredibly attached to what few baubles and trinkets she owns. She is currently spending her days blown out of her mind on pain pills, and complaining about us "Trying to run her life" and steal all her precious valuables. She does not in the least understand the trust process, and every penny she does get, she tries to hoard in her house so no one will likely find it. I think her cremation and wake are gunna be out of our pockets, while she's hoarding thousands Heaven only knows where. I guess I'm not so naive as to expect attaboys and pats on the head for taking care of family and end of life care, but I didn't expect it to be such a kick in the painful spots either.

The other day while my wife and I were discussing it I told my wife "She better learn to let go of her darn trinkets and baubles, or she ain't ever gunna leave this Earth cause she'll be too attached to that stuff!" She is leaving a Colt 1911 to my son, and I warned him he better take good care of it, or she'll likely still be around to whup him if he don't.

All this brought to mind a conversation I had with a friend back when I was working the oilfields. He is an amazing outdoorsman and a guide here in Alaska. He's hunted much of the world and hosted other hunters from around the world on successful hunts. He's deeply religious and devoted to his family.

We were talking about guns, knives, and outdoor stuff in general. As for myself, I know I have an eye for neat shiny (And sometimes no so shiny) things. Old guns, nice knives, etc. are easy examples to name. I know it's a bit of a weakness of mine, which I think may have lead him to the story he told me. I'm re-telling it as a para-phrase, cause it was many years ago, and though I remember the sentiment like it was yesterday, there are specifics long forgotten.

He had been working outside all day and came in for a lunch. Basically to make a sandwich, heat up a can of soup, etc. When he entered the kitchen, he found his wife...in a mood. She had just burned the Birthday cake she had been baking for one of the kids. Their Birthday party was gunna be in a few hours, and she was feeling the pressure. She vented to him about her dilemma while he was making his lunch and he calmly shrugged his shoulders and told her "So...just..bake another cake... or go buy one...." This passive attitude was not the thing to placate an angry wife at that time. She started hollering at him about not caring about all these important things. She then pointed at a rifle in the corner and said "I bet you'd care if it was that stupid gun!"

Well....that stupid gun was....a custom built rifle worth about $6K or so. I wanna say it was a Remington action...maybe a Mauser 98. It had custom engraving, Circassian walnut stock, high end European scope. It had been gifted to him by someone he'd hosted on a Grizzly hunt, as I recall.

So, my friend stands up, picks up this rifle, and pulls the bolt from it. "This rifle?" he says? And then he steps onto his elevated back porch and flings it as far as he can into the gravel and the woods. She was devastated to see him do this to a rifle she knew he loved. He calmly sat down and without raising his voice told her "The cake...the rifle...it's all stuff. Just...stuff. It is not of the soul, not of the flesh. In the end, it means nothing"

His actions were...perhaps a bit extreme, but his point is well taken. I guess it comes to mind for me lately with the sister in law, making herself so much more miserable fretting about her stuff getting stolen when she's knocking at death's door. She does have some family valuables from their deceased mother that matters, but when she goes, most of her stuff is going to go into a dumpster or donated to charity. The house she's in will likely be leveled. The property MIGHT go to our kids, which is nice and what she said she wanted when she was more lucid, but there's a more likely chance it will go to the state. Especially since she isn't trusting or understanding and is downright fighting our efforts to make a will, a trust, and keep it in the family.

Additionally, I ponder the notion with my own collection of guns, knives, and outdoor stuff. This is especially after seeing a few fellow gun guys pass on, and what happens to their collections. I've rarely seen the kids wildly thankful for dad's favorite hunting rifle or wives that benefit greatly from the sales of other guns and peripherals. It happens, but not with the frequency. we'd hope to see. So, when I look at my collection these days, I wonder how many years of enjoyment I have left in these things. Whether they will become a burden to my family when I die, or whether they'll be appreciated by my own children. After all, it's just stuff. I think...?
 
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Recently someone very close to me passed away. He lived in a rented house and I was tasked with clearing all his stuff out. Friends and family got some of it. We managed to sell a little. But honestly, about 80% of it went either to charity or straight to the garbage.
Its amazing how much stuff we accumulate and believe we just can't live without only to find that its useless to anybody else.
 
Read your post end to end. Echos personal experience of over 46 years as a pastor as well as my own shared family experience.

Let it go is good advice, the earlier the better. How? Corrie Ten Boom once was asked how she'd managed to get through all the terrible things that swept away her family and home. She replied, "I've learned to hold everything lightly." I.e., don't cling. Learned that lesson when I started burying family members... uncles and aunts at the start. Last were my mother, identical twin brother and my father. There was very little left by my mother. My brother, his wife threw almost all his gun stuff in the trash. I dumped it all in the trunk of a 82 Plymouth Fury III. Filled it. Sorted the ammo, etc. Sold it. I bought everything that didn't sell. She and the kids needed the money.

My father, his death really hammered us all. He had very little beyond some old cars and shop tools and two very small 1,000 sq.ft. houses. Sadly, it was the bottom of the housing crash. Very few offers. My SIL insisted all be auctioned. Told her no. Had them appraised. Gave her full 1/3 for everything. Gave my younger brother my part of the best house. That guaranteed he and his family would always have a roof over their heads. Sold him the shop and tools for $5.00. Helped him get back on his feet. Little over 20 years later, thankful to have handled things rightly. SIL went through the money. Could not get her to listen.

SIL was convinced that my father had money hidden in the house. Pulled up the carpet, etc. By the time I'd covered 130 miles, she'd gone through everything. She found nothing. We found an attache case hanging from a coat hanger in the bedroom closet. In it was the will, etc. making me executor. In it was some private papers, wedding certificate, etc. Also a little white box in which was found my mother's wedding ring and a note that it was to go to my wife who had spent over 20 years helping her. My SIL was not happy. Found the double-eagle pin given to her by the Central Ga. Council of the BSA when my identical-twin brother and I earned and were awarded our Eagle Scout pins one Sunday morning following the morning worship service. Found all the merit badge cards, sashes. No longer carry the card since it is getting fragile. Was given my father's knife which I had given him back in 2000. It's not going anywhere. Hope to God have not offended anyone by this ramble. Sincerely. bruce.

Hold everything lightly. Good advice.
 
Recently someone very close to me passed away. He lived in a rented house and I was tasked with clearing all his stuff out. Friends and family got some of it. We managed to sell a little. But honestly, about 80% of it went either to charity or straight to the garbage.
Its amazing how much stuff we accumulate and believe we just can't live without only to find that its useless to anybody else.
Its amazing how much stuff we accumulate and believe we just can't live without only to find that its useless to anybody else.

2 TIMES THAT!
 
OP you should start to divest yourself of stuff. Selling cheap will expedite the process. Let me know if you’re divesting from a shooter grade model 18. 👀
 
We just built a new house and moved after 30 years in our old house. I had no idea we had this much stuff.
Now, I have a lot of hunting and fishing equipment but i could sell that stuff pretty easily if I wanted to (and have sold some) but my wife has tons of absolute crap. I have spent hours and hours boxing up glassware and knick knacks. 4 China cabinets full plus countless shelves. I told her “You know our daughter will throw that crap out.”
Nobody under the age of 65 wants that kind of stuff anymore.
She had probably 100 place mats, about half brand new. You would think that we are hosting State dinners at the White House.
I’ve slowly been thinning my stuff out. I don’t want to burden our daughter.
 
We just built a new house and moved after 30 years in our old house. I had no idea we had this much stuff.
Now, I have a lot of hunting and fishing equipment but i could sell that stuff pretty easily if I wanted to (and have sold some) but my wife has tons of absolute crap. I have spent hours and hours boxing up glassware and knick knacks. 4 China cabinets full plus countless shelves. I told her “You know our daughter will throw that crap out.”
Nobody under the age of 65 wants that kind of stuff anymore.
She had probably 100 place mats, about half brand new. You would think that we are hosting State dinners at the White House.
I’ve slowly been thinning my stuff out. I don’t want to burden our daughter.


Funny you should mention that. My other thoughts on "Stuff" is that I don't want it to be a burden to our children. As a small example, I have two sets of China. One of them....should be sentimental. It belonged to the Great Grandmother I never knew, then the Grandmother on my Father's side, then it was passed onto me. It is very old, very incomplete. Accidents happened, family arguments happened, etc. I honestly never liked Either grandparent on my father's side, so it has zero sentiment for me. Neat that it belonged to my Great Grandmother, and my Great Grandfather sacrificed greatly for it, but...I never knew them. It has sat in the box I received it in for more than two decades.

I have another box of China inherited from the family. An aunt and uncle I never really cared for had owned it. This China is complete, but it means nothing to me. We live way too bare bones to store or utilize this fancy stuff. If we have people over for dinner, it would be a wonder if we could provide half a dozen matching cups, plates, bowls or pieces of silverware. A person would likely be eating barbecue or beer batter halibut and drinking out of disposable cups or straight from the bottle. And...I'm fine with that.

So, as it is, I often ponder whether I should take off of this precious China to the dump, or try to see if a second hand store will take it. I understand there is significant family history there, but..none for me. Honestly, I've got mostly negative memories in that stuff. None for my children either. All they've ever done is tripped over it. I can't help but feel guilty for my take on the issue, but...it's just stuff.
 
Funny you should mention that. My other thoughts on "Stuff" is that I don't want it to be a burden to our children. As a small example, I have two sets of China. One of them....should be sentimental. It belonged to the Great Grandmother I never knew, then the Grandmother on my Father's side, then it was passed onto me. It is very old, very incomplete. Accidents happened, family arguments happened, etc. I honestly never liked Either grandparent on my father's side, so it has zero sentiment for me. Neat that it belonged to my Great Grandmother, and my Great Grandfather sacrificed greatly for it, but...I never knew them. It has sat in the box I received it in for more than two decades.

I have another box of China inherited from the family. An aunt and uncle I never really cared for had owned it. This China is complete, but it means nothing to me. We live way too bare bones to store or utilize this fancy stuff. If we have people over for dinner, it would be a wonder if we could provide half a dozen matching cups, plates, bowls or pieces of silverware. A person would likely be eating barbecue or beer batter halibut and drinking out of disposable cups or straight from the bottle. And...I'm fine with that.

So, as it is, I often ponder whether I should take off of this precious China to the dump, or try to see if a second hand store will take it. I understand there is significant family history there, but..none for me. Honestly, I've got mostly negative memories in that stuff. None for my children either. All they've ever done is tripped over it. I can't help but feel guilty for my take on the issue, but...it's just stuff.
Most kids these days aren’t sentimental at all. I read an article a few months ago entitled “Nobody Wants Your Crap”.
It talked about just what we are talking about.
It said pretty much all young people want are guns, money and jewelry.
They don’t want furniture, China or knick knacks.
Remember the Hummel plates that were popular 30 years ago? They weren’t cheap. People collected them every year.
I believe the first one came out in 1972.
I was in a Goodwill thrift shop a couple of years ago and they had every year still in the box for $16 each. They had been there awhile.
I have several family photo albums from when I was growing up. Lots of photos of extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. My daughter never met these people. Might as well throw the albums out to save her from doing it.
 
I met my wife when I was 45. I’d been single for a long time. I bought whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. When she met my son she said “your dad has a lot of stuff”. My son’s reply was “ he’s like a hoarder but with really cool stuff”. In my defense every man should have 4 motorcycles 2 ATVs and a side by side. And if you have a couple small boats and canoes then naturally you need a half dozen outboards. 👀
 
This hit home. When my mom passed away we (2 brothers and my sister) decided to sell the house they built in 1958. It is close to a thruway which when they built it was a goat farm! Now it’s a four lane highway. Upgrades to the roof and inside and my Dad took real good care of it. We all have homes and live in the area but not that neighborhood. Found tons of tools, photos, clothes, etc. plus good old wood furniture in great shape. Estate person came in and said it wasn’t worth his time as no one wanted that stuff any more. Well we sold on our own what we could, donated the rest, helped out a few shelters with woman’s clothes and blankets but not much was there that had any value per se.

Two things I did find that took on some great meaning to me at least
My Dad joined the Navy when he was 17. He came home on leave and there is a picture of him in his uniform holding a beer with a huge smile on his face. Probably his first beer after boot camp is my guess. I was the last child and he had grey hair early so to see him so young and vibrant was amazing to me. The date on the back was 1956.

He served most of his time in the Brooklyn Navy Yard and in 1956 went to see South Pacific on broadway. My oldest son is a music teacher and opera singer who now lives and works in NYC. To think he and his grandpa had the same love of theater was cool. My son wants the playbill and I will frame it alongside the picture of dad in his uniform and surprise him with it next month.

I have lots of stuff. Books, Godzilla memorabilia, tons of D&D merchandise (yeah I’m a nerd), tools, computer gear since I work in IT plus a nice collection of Smith and Wesson revolvers. Yet I treasure only a few items
- my Dads issue wool
blanket I keep in my truck
- my uncles coast guard issue knife he carried as a landing craft machine gunner in world war II - he helped deliver troops and supplies on Omaha Beach then Iwo Jima then Okinawa
- a blue dice set from the very first release of D&D in 1974 I wish to be buried with
- my wedding ring - my wife has put up with me for coming up on 32 years of marriage soon almost 38 years when I first met her. She’s given me a great life, two wonderful children, a home and now we just celebrated a new grandson.

While I like to think that little guy would be interested in doing some shooting with grandpa or the Godzilla stuff maybe even getting into gaming, when he grows older I want him to have my Citizen watch. Every time I go visit he loves to take it off my wrist and chew on it or wave it around at only 7 months old.

The rest is just stuff.
 
Cleaning out relatives' homes can be one heck of a chore! When we cleaned out my in-law's house I would load my pick-up 3 times on each trip. One load went to the dump, one load to a charity thrift store, and one load went home with us. It took several of those trips just to get all the years of accumulation out of there and that didn't include the furniture.
 
I met my wife when I was 45. I’d been single for a long time. I bought whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. When she met my son she said “your dad has a lot of stuff”. My son’s reply was “ he’s like a hoarder but with really cool stuff”. In my defense every man should have 4 motorcycles 2 ATVs and a side by side. And if you have a couple small boats and canoes then naturally you need a half dozen outboards. 👀
I agree. I've been single all my life and have a bunch of toys. A summer car in my avatar, a big touring motorcycle, 7 revolvers, 3 rifles. In fact my entire house is a NY Jets man cave. I'm all set!

Rick
 

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