jeepjeepwhat
US Veteran
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
NACHO Cheese!
NACHO Cheese!
Let hear em....Good quick jokes.....im first!!!!
- Thread starter dsoza2003
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VAdoublegunner
Member
OK, in the same vein as the Descartes joke (excellent, BTW
)...
Lost - Schroedinger's Cat.
$100 Reward, Dead or Alive.
Have you heard that entropy isn't what it used to be?
Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."
Q: Does light have mass?
A: Of course not. It's not even Catholic!!!
Lost - Schroedinger's Cat.
$100 Reward, Dead or Alive.
Have you heard that entropy isn't what it used to be?
Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."
Q: Does light have mass?
A: Of course not. It's not even Catholic!!!
reerc
Member
Sorry, I don't know Schroedinger ... but I do know Monty Python.
Philosopher's Song
(Warning to the easily offended, one "F" word)
Philosopher's Song
(Warning to the easily offended, one "F" word)
Does anyone know what the insomniac, agnostic, dyslectic did?
...he sat up all night wondering if there really was a dog.
Tim
...he sat up all night wondering if there really was a dog.
Tim
Three Irishmen walked out of a bar... hey - it could happen.
Memphis
Member
Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: EXACTLY where you left him!
Roger
A: EXACTLY where you left him!
Roger
ChinaSeaSailor
US Veteran
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Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
A lady finds her husband sobbing and crying aloud.
She asks him "what the hell is wrong with you? i've never seen you cry like this before"
he replies "honey, remember the first time we made love in your dad's barn?"
"yes, yes...i remember"
"remember your dad catching us in the act and holding a shotgun to my head until the Sheriff arrived?"
"yeah, i remember"
"remember the Judge telling me that if i didn't marry you that i would spend 20 years in prison?"
"yes honey, i do remember"
"Well i would have gotten out today"
She asks him "what the hell is wrong with you? i've never seen you cry like this before"
he replies "honey, remember the first time we made love in your dad's barn?"
"yes, yes...i remember"
"remember your dad catching us in the act and holding a shotgun to my head until the Sheriff arrived?"
"yeah, i remember"
"remember the Judge telling me that if i didn't marry you that i would spend 20 years in prison?"
"yes honey, i do remember"
"Well i would have gotten out today"
beach elvis
Member
A catholic priest, a baptist minister, and a rabbi all enter a bar together at the same.
The bartender looks up at them and says, "What is this, a joke?"
The bartender looks up at them and says, "What is this, a joke?"
Tom M
Member
Little girl had a legless dog named "Cigarette". Every night, she took him out for a drag.
Wheelgunner840
Member
I always thought Polynesia was memory loss in parrots!
WG840
Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland ' Barack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special airplane.
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.
Barack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!' Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!'
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland ' Barack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special airplane.
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.
Barack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!' Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!'
Obama gets off Marine One Helicopter. Marine at the base of the ramp, after saluting, asks him why he's carrying a pig under each arm. Obama says they are not pigs, but genuine Arkansas razorbag hogs. He said "I got one for Michelle and one for Hillary." Marine snaps to attention, salutes again, and says "Excellent trade, sir!"
VAdoublegunner
Member
Infinite monkey theory, West Virginny style...
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare ... in Braille.
Hmmm, come to think of it there have been millions of users on millions of keyboards every hour of every day since Al Gore invented the internet, and nothing even close to Shakespeare has emerged.
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare ... in Braille.
Hmmm, come to think of it there have been millions of users on millions of keyboards every hour of every day since Al Gore invented the internet, and nothing even close to Shakespeare has emerged.
CAJUNLAWYER
Member
What do the Japanese have every four years??
Erections....Bwa ha ha ha ha ha
Erections....Bwa ha ha ha ha ha
Jack Flash
Member
Confucius Say
Man who who fly upside down have crack up.
Man who who fly upside down have crack up.
foolproofoak
Member
what did one burp say to the other burp?
"Let's be little stinkers and go out the back way."
"Let's be little stinkers and go out the back way."
Dyerbill
Member
Did you here about the Irishman who quit drinkin'..................................neither did I !
Deek
US Veteran
A man steals a woman's purse, but she managed to keep her hand tightly gripped around her revolver. As she is spun around when the man grabbed her purse she acquires the man in her sights and shoots him 6 times in the back as he runs away. The judge asks the woman why she shot the man 6 times in the back and she answered him, "When I pulled the trigger the seventh time the gun just went click."
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