Life and family are a tough thing sometimes

David LaPell

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I have on occasion discussed some strange issues with my family, mostly involving my sister and my wife. Well, it appears that's coming to a close, sadly.

This past October, my sister went on a path of total self destruction, something she's been on now since she was 15, and that was thirty plus years ago. I had pretty much washed my hands of her because of her activities and her issues and the fact that she and I never got along, her threatening to call CPS on my son because she's angry, etc., well, she ended up turning all that hate and spite on my mother, her 30 year old son and my mother's boyfriend, and they were the ones who had defended her from everyone else. She threatened them, that she would call their jobs, make up accusations, etc.
It turns out that she was doing every street drug known to man including prostitution to make money. Then a week before Halloween she was nearly killed in a car accident. She crossed the yellow line and was clipped by a car coming the other way. She broke her left arm in two places, all the ribs on her left side, bruised her heart, kidney, liver and her spleen. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt and the airbag knocked out most of her teeth and she had a major concussion. For several days she was in a coma. There were drugs and an illegal gun in the car. That case was put on hold while she was in the hospital.

After a couple of weeks she got out, she really didn't have anything, then it turned out, the car wasn't in her name, it was her husband's but he died in August and she wasn't listed on the insurance. Worse, the day after the accident, someone called the insurance company and tried to add her to the policy, which sent up major red flags.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, my mother lets me know that she's moved my sister up from Georgia where she is to here, and that's she has stage 4 metastatic breast cancer that has spread to her kidneys, liver, lymph nodes and even her bones. My mother is worried that I will call the cops because she has a warrant out on her. I don't think there would be a point in calling the cops now. There's been some treatment, but as of today they admitted my sister to the hospital, it's about 6 hours away, but with Covid rules I can't visit anyway, none allowed. She now has cancer in her lungs and brain, her liver is failing, she can't talk now and she sleeps pretty much all day and night because of the pain, when she's awake, she's out of it because of the cancer in her brain.
I look back at her life and wonder, she's only 46 years old, and it's been a rough life. Drugs, partying, jail, etc and it's been non-stop. Worse is my mother who is in charge of everything won't call my nephew, her son to let him know exactly how bad his mother is, because he might "flip out" as she says. I don't have any way to get ahold of him or where he even lives, but it's not right. I have been in communication with my oldest sister who I haven't spoken to in 20 years to let her know, because my mother won't.
I've never seen such bitterness before in my family. I didn't get along with my one sister at all even when we were little kids, but I at least wanted others in the family to know what's going on, what they do with that is their business.
I also see a wasted life, and I think that's the saddest part of all. At 46 years old to see a life ended with all the drugs, criminal activity, etc. is a shame, worse when it's closer to home.
 
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I feel for you and your family.
I have a cousin whose mother introduced him to drugs and crime at a young age. He has spent most of his life in prison. I do not even know if he is still alive.
My uncle spent a fortune trying to get him help every time he got out but it wouldn't be long and he was on drugs and stealing or robbing to support the habit.
Every time I think of him I think what a wasted life.
 
There is something to be learned from every situation.
And there are consequences for our choices.

Sometimes, they aren't always immediately apparent.
 
David, I'm very saddened to read of your family's situation. I had a childhood friend whose situation wasn't too different from your sister's, although he did live a little longer.

When we were young, the girls all loved him, and his friends all wanted to be him. He was charming, smart, handsome, witty, a great guitarist, a real "people person"...until he got into drugs and alcohol in his late teens.

His entire adult life was marked by addiction, failed marriages, and a string of arrests. His low point came when he was arrested for beating up his own father (who was one of the nicest guys you could ever hope to meet). He basically drank himself to death, and by the time he passed, alone and broke, his own siblings (he was the middle of five) had had nothing to do with him for years.

Your sister's made some terrible decisions, but at this point she deserves everyone's compassion and prayers. I doubt her life has been any easier for her than seeing it unfold has been for all of you. I wish her comfort at this final stage of her life.

I hope your mother has a change of heart, and lets your sister's son know what's going on. He deserves to be informed, and your mom will regret not doing so if he finds out after the fact that your sister has passed.

Good luck to you and your family...you will all be in my prayers.
 
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I am really sorry to hear your family story. Drug and alcohol addiction and cancer sucks and kills so many people each and every year. My daughter and granddaughters lost their husband/father because of drugs.
 
You have written about your sister before. I feel for you and your family. Have the doctors said how long she has? I will pray for her. Perhaps if they get her clean and sober, she may become rational again. Perhaps you or someone from the family can speak to her then. Perhaps someone could talk to her about her soul and salvation. As to telling the police where she is, they will do nothing. If she is taken into custody, they will have to pay her medical bills. They may keep track of her but she will not "go to jail" or be taken back to where the crash occurred. If anyone was hurt in the crash, it may help them in getting paid for their injuries and medical bills if they know where she is. Maybe not. Talk to an attorney from the state where the crash occurred regarding this issue. The insurance companies will not pursue her because she has nothing. Do not sign anything making you responsible for her medical care. Tell the rest of your family the same thing. You do not want to be stuck with the bills. The hospital will continue to care for her.
 
Some family's are very lucky that drugs and alcohol does not cause problems in their lives, while others have family members indulge in
them and the family it torn into threads, by the things that happen and things that are said.

There is nothing worse than people that are on a "crutch" and can't see the light or hear what their loved ones are saying to help them out but instead just get deeper into the rabbit hole.

I feel your pain and have been there..........

Some people are strong, some weak but it is hell when we can't turn the tide.

All we can do is our best to make it a better world.
Some times we speak to a deaf ear.
 
David, I am so sorry to hear of this. Some things are just beyond our control, Best to accept that.

You are a wonderful father. Your posts about your son show that. Hold your own family close, and carry on. Your own behavior is under your control. It is all a good man can do.

Prayers sent.
 
Your sister made bad choices in life, and as my mother would have said, she was someone who never spent more than 10 seconds a day thinking about anybody but themselves.
 
Pray for the Lord's comfort & grace for your Sister.
It is a terribly sad situation but a better place awaits us all if we seek it.
 
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