Need advice please

[Rustyt1953]

As many of you know, my MIL passed a few weeks ago.
My FIL, with whom I have a great relationship with, has been asking me daily if I will take him to purchase a .38 Snubby.
He lives alone now and wants protection.

The problem is that, at 83, his eye sight is bad and he has never owned a firearm. I have spoken of tasers and pepper sprays but he will have none of it.

I can't, in clear conscience, provide him with a weapon that could harm him or others. He is pretty hard headed and will probably do it without me. I suggested that we go to the range and when I feel he is ready I will let him take the gun home. He said he will go one time but that's it.

This my first trek down this road and I need suggestions.
What haven't I thought of?

 

[loknload]

I'd be very cautious with doing this, he could have other ideas?

 

[Autococker07]

Oh man, what a horrible position to be in.... I would tread very lightly, Sir. Whether his intent is simply for protection, or he has other intentions (I would think he would be more concerned with security for his wife before she passed than for himself now), You really cannot take back the act of assisting him if he does something regrettable.

Is your wife read into this situation? Maybe she could help? I would do anything in my power to stay out of this situation, but it must be hard. I do agree with your reasoning that you cannot help him attain such a serious tool without proper training and understanding. This is the only reasonable answer. I hope all goes well. Good luck Jim

 

[KarmannGhia]

Have you talked to him about getting a well trained dog. My Belgian Malinois is more valuable to me than any of my guns (and I LOVE MY GUNS). Great deterrent, protection, and companionship. Just a thought.

 

[Ngtdog]

I second the idea of a dog. Good luck!

 

[wheelgunguy]

That is a brutal decision. If he uses it wrongly you feel horribly. If he ends up needing one and something happens you feel horribly.

I think you have to get your wife and her family involved ASAP. It has been my experience that when people get up into that age range. There is usually one person that they trust their advice and will listen to more than others. If this is true for him I would get that person involved quickly. If that person is you. Well we're back to the wife and her family.

Good luck I will pray for you all.

 

[Rustyt1953]

I don't believe Earl intends to harm himself.
Many of my wife's cousins are first responders. One of them is the police chief of Amberly Village, OH. I just discussed this with him and he is going to talk to Earl to see how he can help. Ritchie is a gentle, kind man and I feel better getting him involved.

Part of me feels like a rat but I can live with that.

Thanks folks.

 

[loknload]

Always rat on the safe side!

 

[Old Sarge]

Wow, you are in a pickle. I think relying on your instincts of getting outside help is the right move. The more help you can get involved is going to be helpful. Good Luck!!

 

[Ranger17]

Not knowing the situation first hand but i can say it is a good thing to have others involved to lend a hand so to speak. I unfortunately went thru something that was one of those "same but not the same" situations and in hindsight maybe could have gone down a different path.
As for your FIL how is his living situation now that he is on his own; is he able to continue taking care of his home and self or perhaps will he need assistance in the future. Not looking for an answer of course more thinking out loud if he may not be on his own long then protection in the form of a firearm would not be needed, etc.
Best of luck for a positive outcome for all

 

[AGoyette]

I will place a 3rd vote for a dog. Besides alerting him to trouble, dogs deter burglers, often alert the owners if there is trouble in the house and are great companions. It might be just the ticket, someone for him to take care of and love. Just make sure someone in the family will be able to take in the dog if and when your fil passes. Too many dogs have been dumped after their owners have passed because nobody wanted them. That's not fair to the dog.

 

[kozmic]

I'd tell him flat out that nothing would be determined until you both went to the range and he took a course in gun safety and use.

Make sure you use the hardest shooting 38 you have with +p ammo out to 25 feet. If it hurts enough and he can't hit the paper maybe you can convince him otherwise.

Best way to put an end to it is if it is his idea not to pursue it.

 

[BAM-BAM]

Given others comments.......... a question!

One of his nephews is a Police Chief....... and he didn't go to him first? At least for advice!


Makes me question.............

My advice "let his family handle it"......

 

[hardluk1]

Rusty Take him to a shooting range and let a range officer deal with him . If the RO says yes or no , ether way this removes you from deciding if he is capable using a handgun . I have seen RO's tell people to go home , they are not safe to use a handguns .

 

[wheelgunguy]

Given others comments.......... a question!

One of his nephews is a Police Chief....... and he didn't go to him first? At least for advice!


Makes me question.............

My advice "let his family handle it"......

I can't speak for the other posters but my post didn't say "let his family handle it". I said get them involved. I would advise anyone who has a tough decision to make to get counsel from others who may have insight that I don't have or a relationship with the other party that is different than mine.

I believe this to be wise in any decisions where I or others have doubt as what to do.

 

[BAM-BAM]

I can't speak for the other posters but my post didn't say "let his family handle it". I said get them involved. I would advise anyone who has a tough decision to make to get counsel from others who may have insight that I don't have or a relationship with the other party that is different than mine.

I believe this to be wise in any decisions where I or others have doubt as what to do.

Wheelgunguy; No offense meant. I was not disagreeing with, or commenting on your advice.........just providing my own thoughts.

Many seem to be concerned about the true purpose of "getting a gun".

For Rusty; a nephew who is a Chief of Police (or one of the FILs other children)........ might be better "primary"......use his experience and professional judgment in this matter.

The last thing Rusty needs is for the "family" to turn on him if their father/uncle does something "untoward".... with a gun Rusty "helps" him get.

Guilt often find an outlet in anger ...... directed at a 3rd party!

 

[Rustyt1953]

Wheelgun, I was that person. He trusts me as some others are already trying to make a path to his money. He knows that Ruthie and I never saw him that way and we have never asked him for money. He doesn't want any one to know he has a gun.
He is fully capable of living on his own.

He trusts Ritchie as well. We have both been around firearms most of our lives. Ritchie promised to keep this between us and Earl has agreed to abide by his decision. Ritchie has an S&W 442 that Earl can use, at the range with one of us present each time. Time will tell.
As for dogs, he has an asthma-hound Chihuahua and doesn't want another dog.

Thanks for all the help, this is a tough one.

 

[BAM-BAM]

Looks like a good course of action...........

Good Luck

 

[Big Cholla]

Rusty: My proposal sound a little "iffy", but twice in my experience it has worked in just such a situation. Before reading it, you must remember just the possession of a handgun has in 93% of the recorded cases by the NRA has made the bad guy(s) go away............Take him to buy the snubby of his choice. Tell him that you want the best for him and that the handgun must by 'tuned' by a pistolsmith of your choice. Prearrange this; Have the pistolsmith make an altered firing pin so as it looks right, but will under no circumstances actually fire the cartridge. That way he can unload the handgun and dry fire practice all he wants. If he should ever happen to go to a range and attempt firing, just have a story ready that the 'tuning' must not have gone right. But, I don't think it will ever come to that. His home defense handgun will go into the sock drawer or the night stand to never be touched again. He will live until having to give up living alone very peacefully. This step is drastic, but it has worked twice in my experience. I was the pistolsmith. ..............

ps: I returned both handguns back to ready status later on for the Sons.

 

[wheelgunguy]

Wheelgunguy; No offense meant. I was not disagreeing with, or commenting on your advice.........just providing my own thoughts.

Many seem to be concerned about the true purpose of "getting a gun".

For Rusty; a nephew who is a Chief of Police (or one of the FILs other children)........ might be better "primary"......use his experience and professional judgment in this matter.

The last thing Rusty needs is for the "family" to turn on him if their father/uncle does something "untoward".... with a gun Rusty "helps" him get.

Guilt often find an outlet in anger ...... directed at a 3rd party!

Truly, I am not offended.

Sometimes with the written word context is lost. When I saw "Given others comments.......... a question!" I thought the entirety of your post was referencing others comments and I felt I should add some context. So as to not to be misunderstood.

Now that I re-read your original post with the context of your following one. I realize what you were saying is not what I thought you were saying. I get it now.

I appreciate the clarification.