So my Sweety has been helping her moms boyfriend of 30+ years. He has dementia and Alzheimers. These are both documented with the VA and some other local health care agencies. Both of these conditions are serious for him but not full-on incapacitating. He can't care for himself other than eating lunch meat and getting a drink and going to the restroom. He is combative and belligerent as he is older and scared. My Sweety has had power of attorney for a number of years that he granted her. He also put her on his vehicle title as he has no drivers license. Recently he went to bank with the PCA (personal care assistant), and found a charge on his account that he didn't understand. The bank teller proceeded to tell him of charges and withdrawals that he didn't think the customer would have made in his condition. He stated that it looked as if the power of attorney was ripping him off if he wasn't aware of these charges. This set him off and he revoked the power of attorney. The PCA called my Sweety to tell her of the development. She went to talk to him and explain these charges and he refused to discuss it and said he was calling the police. She now received a call from a local health care agency wanting to do an investigation. She is very upset and nervous. She has not kept records of every transaction and cannot account for every dollar specifically. She has paid his rent, PCA, cable, phone, insurance, gas for appointments (for her and the PCA), storage, vitamins and supplements, and other expenses that come up in his behalf. She (had) power of attorney (until his very recent revocation) as stated earlier and used it for his care. Is she in trouble as she can't account for every dollar? Is this potentially serious? She returned the vehicle also to show she was not "stealing" from him. She still has insurance on it in case the PCA drives it and something happens that could have her liable. Is this a wise move, or should she take steps to get the vehicle out of her name and leave just his name on the title? What is she supposed to do to prove she has been helping him? Any help and knowledge of this sort of thing would be greatly appreciated. Sprefix
Need serious (legal) advice concerning helping an elderly person with health issues
- Thread starter Sprefix
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Sorry to hear that buddy. Wish I could help. We are taking care of my father in law (alzhemiers) and we have POA. EVERYTHING is documented.
Sounds like a job for the Cajun One.
Sounds like a job for the Cajun One.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Get her name off the title.
This is a fine forum for S&W info, but a poor place to get legal advice.
Go see a real lawyer.
Get her name off the title.
This is a fine forum for S&W info, but a poor place to get legal advice.
Go see a real lawyer.
The 1 st step would be to document all the expenses whether she has receipts ( she needs to hang on to those!)or not. Being that he has alzhiemers,this could blow over by tomorrow.We went through this with my father,it's a nasty disease.
Bruce51
Member
My first thought was to disable the car. Remove the rotor or at least take the coil wire off.
Then he will be unable to take off on a drive, get lost or have an accident.
Be sure to write down everything that can be remembered about normal transactions.
Best of luck.
Bruce
Then he will be unable to take off on a drive, get lost or have an accident.
Be sure to write down everything that can be remembered about normal transactions.
Best of luck.
Bruce
jproffitt
Member
It would appear that the whole situation was started by the bank teller who didn't know the whole story, but assumed that someone was ripping off an old guy. You may need to consult an attorney or just distance yourself from the entire affair.
pinduck
US Veteran
Retain a competent attorney immediately and follow his advice.
CAJUNLAWYER
Member
Get a lawyer and tell him the story. There is a branch of law developing called "Elder Law" dealing with thest types of situations-try to find a lawyer that is conversant in issues such as durable power of attorneys, living wills interdiction (what we call declaring one an incompetent down here), etc . Get in touch with the VA, the altzheimers group and your local counsel on aging. You will be amazed at the resources available. Keep your paperwork and document. And remember-no good deed goes unpunished but Karma does even it out. Good luck and God bless cause it ain't gonna be fun.
Straightshooter2
US Veteran
Caj is right. We went through an Elder Law attorney a couple of years ago due to mom's declining mental state. He set up a power of attorney for me, a medical power of attorney (in Georgia they have to be separate), a living will for her, medical disclosure authorization and some special type of trust. Find one that only does Elder Law and nothing else. They generally will have information about benefits available that most of us don't know about.
CW
Dennis The B
US Veteran
My brother, sister, and I, are probably headed down the dementia/Alzheimer's road with our mother. About a month ago, she had become ill from low nuitrition, dehydration, and pneumonia. She lived alone, and were it not for the quick thinking of a family friend, she may have died in her living room. My brother got to her, took her to the hospital, and we went through four weeks of hospital care; the first two-and-a-half were touch and go. She finally turned the corner for the better, and she's in a facility for some extensive physical rehab. A few years ago, she signed a durable power of attorney, putting my sister in charge of things. She established a joint checking account, and put her monthly bills on autopay, and my sister can monitor the bank account activity.
As parents age, physical infirmities, and onset of dementia create huge health problems. She developed esophogeal problems from old age, and early stage dementia. It caused painful swallowing, which led to the under-nourishment and dehydration. Even with the physical therapy, she will never be able to live alone, and her health has suffered, so that she will never recover completely.
We've already determined that she'll never be able to live in her 120-year-old Victorian home. It's in need of repairs, and just not senior-friendly.
Fortunately, she saw the future, and acted (thanks in part to our relentless nagging). We're in control of the finances, and she won't be taken advantage of by anyone. The only regret is that we didn't get her out of her home earlier, and under better circumstances. I understand her reluctance to give up the family home.
A few years ago, none of us dreamed she would be in this condition; but here it is, and we're glad we went through the preparations.
As parents age, physical infirmities, and onset of dementia create huge health problems. She developed esophogeal problems from old age, and early stage dementia. It caused painful swallowing, which led to the under-nourishment and dehydration. Even with the physical therapy, she will never be able to live alone, and her health has suffered, so that she will never recover completely.
We've already determined that she'll never be able to live in her 120-year-old Victorian home. It's in need of repairs, and just not senior-friendly.
Fortunately, she saw the future, and acted (thanks in part to our relentless nagging). We're in control of the finances, and she won't be taken advantage of by anyone. The only regret is that we didn't get her out of her home earlier, and under better circumstances. I understand her reluctance to give up the family home.
A few years ago, none of us dreamed she would be in this condition; but here it is, and we're glad we went through the preparations.
Sorry for those of you dealing with this now and in the future......
Thanks all. We reviewed the power of attorney extensively under state statute and can't see anything wrong with what my Sweety "did" in caring for him. It is a durable power of attorney with no expiration (other than his doing so). Anyone's' ideas of ethics or morals are not in play here, just the fact of a legal and binding document under state law. The only answer to questions that may be raised should be answered by the document itself. She is still nervous as "they" are sounding to her as if they have the power to make her life miserable if they are not happy with her answers. We will get through this and it is a shame that (he) is just competent enough to revoke the ability to care for him properly. I guess if the two are in the ocean and she tries to save him but he only pulls her under, then time to let him go (under state care). Thanks so much for the answers and advice. It will be what it will and we will proceed with caution to the end via legal counsel if it comes to that. Blessings......Sprefix
Thanks all. We reviewed the power of attorney extensively under state statute and can't see anything wrong with what my Sweety "did" in caring for him. It is a durable power of attorney with no expiration (other than his doing so). Anyone's' ideas of ethics or morals are not in play here, just the fact of a legal and binding document under state law. The only answer to questions that may be raised should be answered by the document itself. She is still nervous as "they" are sounding to her as if they have the power to make her life miserable if they are not happy with her answers. We will get through this and it is a shame that (he) is just competent enough to revoke the ability to care for him properly. I guess if the two are in the ocean and she tries to save him but he only pulls her under, then time to let him go (under state care). Thanks so much for the answers and advice. It will be what it will and we will proceed with caution to the end via legal counsel if it comes to that. Blessings......Sprefix
They do. Gather all Receipts and make at least two sets of copies, retain the originals yourself. Counsel may disagree with the following, but I would be as helpful as possible with any inquiry, until I felt it had become adversarial. Then I would advise anyone with questions they needed to speak with my attorney. I would also suggest that you and your lady get out of this NOW, if false accusations were made once you can bet it will happen again.
We went through this with my aunt (who lived next door). We then went through it with my mother and then my father. Elder care is challenging. There's no other way to say it. I applaud your wife for what she is doing.
My hat is off to each and every one who provides for, cares for, looks after, etc. an aging relative. When they are able to function, it can be a pleasure. When they have issues such as dementia, Alzheimers, loss of mobility, etc., it can become very difficult. I have been through this with church members who had no living family to care for them. Just about every day I go to the nursing homes in this area where there are many resident who never have any contact with anyone except the other residents and staff. Especially for those who are mentally capable, it is difficult as they must cope with being incapacitated yet fully cognizant of their situation recognizing they will not again be able to live in a non-institutional setting.
The legal concerns of which you have written are beyond my expertise. I have had interaction with families that have had to deal with such concerns. The folks who look into such matters are not evil. Doubtless there are some who will nit-pick everything. The ones I've dealt with were not that sort. As suggested above, you and your wife might want to carefully consider future involvement in helping this gentleman. Further involvement will need to be done with wise attention to what is expected on the part of all concerned. JMHO. Sincerely. brucev.
My hat is off to each and every one who provides for, cares for, looks after, etc. an aging relative. When they are able to function, it can be a pleasure. When they have issues such as dementia, Alzheimers, loss of mobility, etc., it can become very difficult. I have been through this with church members who had no living family to care for them. Just about every day I go to the nursing homes in this area where there are many resident who never have any contact with anyone except the other residents and staff. Especially for those who are mentally capable, it is difficult as they must cope with being incapacitated yet fully cognizant of their situation recognizing they will not again be able to live in a non-institutional setting.
The legal concerns of which you have written are beyond my expertise. I have had interaction with families that have had to deal with such concerns. The folks who look into such matters are not evil. Doubtless there are some who will nit-pick everything. The ones I've dealt with were not that sort. As suggested above, you and your wife might want to carefully consider future involvement in helping this gentleman. Further involvement will need to be done with wise attention to what is expected on the part of all concerned. JMHO. Sincerely. brucev.
Seven3
Member
While it is certainly true that elder law is a growing area of practice (we have a couple of lawyers in our firm who do so), it sounds like this situation has gone beyond what an elder law attorney can do for you. They generally specialize in estate planning, obtaining benefits, setting up trusts for care, etc. Your "Sweety" is now the potential target of an investigation, and may face civil or even criminal action. Call your local bar association for a referral to a criminal defense attorney, preferably one with experience in defending fraud actions. Until she talks to such an attorney, she should not say anything to the investigating agency. Hopefully, this will all blow over, but it is not a good idea to just ignore it. Beat of luck to both of you. I hope it works out.
quneur
Member
I really wouldn't worry too much about the situation. It seems like all the nickels and dimes are adding to more than what everyone expected but those charges are the cost of living expenses. Medications can be costly if paying out of pocket but those charges are kept on record with the pharmacy. The PCA should have their own records of various charges spent, gas, household items bought, etc. Any home repair/maintenance records should be kept by your wife but those repairs can be justified for keeping the place liveable.
Your wife also has her account which she can show there isn't sudden income or she's getting paid, no sudden spike. When someone commits a crime against seniors, the money involved is usually in the thousands not every day gas money or household items cost.
Your wife also has her account which she can show there isn't sudden income or she's getting paid, no sudden spike. When someone commits a crime against seniors, the money involved is usually in the thousands not every day gas money or household items cost.
