Question on what to do

[swsig]

It's your money and your choice. If you have an otherwise good relationship with your "thankless" niece, maybe it's because she is just "that way", so it may not be worth stewing over. If your relationship with her is not so good, that's another matter. In any case, be sure to limit the amounts of your current gifts to the maximum allowed by the IRS before the Federal gift tax kicks in. Last time I checked, you could give a maximum of $15,000 to an individual per year tax free. Any amount over that was taxed at 40% .

You don't say whether you have a formal estate plan, but it looks as if your estate is large enough that one may be in order. Go to a competent attorney who specializes in estate plans. You'll be surprised about the number of decisions you'll have to make, even for a straightforward even distribution of assets. An estate plan is not cheap, but it can save your heirs a lot of grief, and they will always think kindly of you for your thoughtfulness.

 

[ladder13]

When we visited my mother’s parents every Sunday, each of the three of us received a quarter. We all thanked our grandparents profusely.
Today, we give our heirs money regularly right now, it’s better they have it now than when we croak who knows when. They ALL thank us.
It’s called manners, some have it some don’t.

 

[pantannojack]

The one in question may have been treated very badly by one or more of the others. Such happened to me. So I think back how I hated being a kid. No further resentments; that's just the way it is. I would continue with the plan of fair and equal disbursement.

 

[BC38]

It's like trying to reach out to someone. If I keep calling, leaving messages, emails , texts, and no response, I stop. If they can't be bothered, I won't be bothered.

If she has a history of not bothering to say thank you and/or appreciating you for gifts, I wouldn't bother giving her another one. It's your money and you're not obligated to give it to anyone.

And I would let her know why you did what you did. But that's just me.

I'm at that point with one of my nephews.
He lives next door to my mom down in southern AZ, and has been helping her out.
But he needed some help and I was in a position to help him.
I've invested several thousand bucks and even flew down there and spent 3 weeks of my time helping him fix up a mobile home to live in, getting him a second, reliable vehicle, as well as repairing the vehicle he already had to make it reliable, so he and his fiancé would both have reliable transportation to and from work.
He called me last week in a panic because his water heater rusted through and was leaking. So, I arranged and paid for a plumber to replace it for him. He couldn't seem to coordinate a time for the plumber to install it.
Now all of the sudden, he won't answer or return my calls or texts for nearly a week.
I don't know what to think or to do at this point. I'm pretty much fed up with this silent treatment. I don't get it.

 

[326MOD10]

I would just ask why you started giving them things to begin with?

You say it was to help them out as they start their adult life.

If that was the case it doesn't seem to be the purpose any longer.

Just because someone doesn't fawn over the person who gives them a gift doesn't mean they don't appreciate it. We all have different experiences that shape us.

Don't stray from your original purpose in providing the gifts and tarnish your legacy of a kind and generous person just to prove a point that won't matter when you are no longer among the upright.

 

[lihpster]

.

You don't say whether you have a formal estate plan, but it looks as if your estate is large enough that one may be in order. Go to a competent attorney who specializes in estate plans. You'll be surprised about the number of decisions you'll have to make, even for a straightforward even distribution of assets. An estate plan is not cheap, but it can save your heirs a lot of grief, and they will always think kindly of you for your thoughtfulness.

This, this, a thousand times this. Without a plan in place, things get messy. My father passed in June of this year. Couldn't find the will. That means probate. I am the sole heir. By law, I am the only one that inherits. There is nobody else left alive. Still have to go through probate. That's mid 4 figures for an attorney, court costs and such. I even have to take a class and pay $150 dollars to become his personal representative to pay any bills he has left. My attorney says it should be after the first of the year before I get my inheritance. Luckily he had an IRA that he had designated me as the beneficiary. I was able to access those funds as they didn't have to go through probate.

Don't ask me about the troubles I had after he sank into his dementia without a Power of Attorney. Get the forms filled out, make copies and keep them in a location that someone, if not everyone, knows where to find them. Believe me, whoever winds up dealing with it will thank you for it.

 

[Bekeart]

For some of my relatives

In my will:

"Failure to provide for (list naming relatives) is intentional.
They are to receive no benefit from my estate.

Bekeart

 

[grover99]

Over the past 5 years I have had several grandkids, nephews , great nephews getting married, graduating from high school, having babies etc and I sent each a gift. Not a one of them even acknowledged my gifts. Maybe young people are not taught courtesy any more. Well no more gifts from me for anything.

 

[glenwolde]

I'd probably reach out and ask what's up? If she has children, leave it to them instead of her.

 

[sigp220.45]

Put me in the camp with Rusty and Walkin Jack and the other forum friends who opted for the "give and forget" plan.

Give equally, expect nothing in return.

I'm not religious, but I suppose that is what you-know-who would say.

You are clearly a good dude. Don't mess it up now.

 

[rwsmith]

An alternative....

Talk to her without letting her know what you are planning. Make your decision then.

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

To use current slang, she is "ghosting" you.
I have received "Thank You" notes from some of the young women in my church for working on their confirmation projects, when my little Girl Scout Cookie salesgirl graduated from high school last year I received a nice "Thank You" note for the gift I gave her. I have received "Thank You" notes from the families of friends and acquaintances for attending their funerals, I recall one funeral, the father of a high school friend, I was also friends with his older sister-she gave me a hug that darn near broke my back. When her husband asked about it, I told him we hadn't seen each other in 40 years !
Has nothing today with "today's young 'uns" in my youth I met plenty of senior citizens with no manners, no social graces, now at 75 I still meet them.

 

[Ματθιας]

Let's be honest, if you did favors, gave gifts, for whatever reason, to someone, anyone, and he/she didn't bother to show appreciation by saying thanks, or simply ghosted you, would you STILL do the favors or give the gifts in the future? Be honest.

 

[coltle6920]

When I die I plan on leaving all my assets to just three of my eight brothers and sisters. I have my reasons and choose to not mention them here for others to find fault. My reasons also wont be explained in my will. If the three decide to share their good fortune with others it would only confirm why I chose them in the first place.

I know I wont lose any sleep over it.

 

[SMSgt]

Text the bequest to her. She'll respond.

 

[cherrypointmarine]

The way people live on their phones now a days , she could have at least texted you or called . She couldn't take a minute out of her day to at least do that ? My wife says I can be cold when it comes to stuff like this , but you burn me once , never again . And you can tell when the parents make them do it , or worse dictate it . My vote is , leave her out , maybe it'll change her attitude .

 

[charlie sherrill]

I don't have you problem. I have a daughter, son, and four grand kids. My son's name is on everything I own except my house and that will go to him in my will. The reason his name is not on the house right now is that I get a huge senior discount in property taxes. My daughter is covered by a life insurance policy I bought several years ago. I will leave my grand kids a three figure amount each because they would blow a large amount of money. I've spent a lot on all of them over the years anyway.

 

[Kanewpadle]

I wouldn’t hold the actions of young people against them. We were all young once and probably made similar mistakes.

It may take years but eventually she will realize her mistake.

 

[john17427]

I lend and give things to family and friends with no expectation of return. And, if someone asks for my help I will go out of my way to give it. That said, if I never hear from someone to at least let me know they received something I sent, I don't send anything anymore. It's not to be vindictive. I just assume they don't value a relationship with me and I'm ok with leaving them be. That assumption does not come into play with instances involving grief of course.

 

[robvious]

proving a point from beyond the grave isn't good for anyone on either side... I suggest a different approach, making all of them come and get the checks separately, so you can look them all in the face... estate can be decided after that...besides, she probably won't "get it" if she is just excluded, you will just be considered a nasty person by her and her children forever..