Reconciliation

wildenout

wildenout

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I have posted a few times in the forum in regards to my marital situation and pending divorce. But I felt like I needed to post just this one last time so I wouldn't look like the Boy Who Cried Wolf over the whole thing.

My wife had me served with papers in December, the week after Christmas to be exact, and we split our accounts etc. and started entrenching for the fight. This having been my Senior Year in College, I refused to move out (because I was poor also and having just had a son in May 2013, I wanted to see my boy's first year). So we had little fights, I moved into the other room, discussed papers, I went to school, babysat whenever she was at work. It was a weird and hard situation, I wrote about it a few times here on the forum and I also want to say thanks to all those who wrote back and gave me great advice.

Flash forward to March (spring break for me) I arranged to have the both of us and my son go and visit my parents in Las Vegas, things had gotten to a smooth functional/business like relationship with us so this was going to be somewhat of a "lets practice this divorced parent thing." Long story short, as I laid awake doing homework on a couch downstairs the wife came to me and started asking questions about how things would work. You know, other special events not outlined in the papers, plays, dances etc. It was hard to think about, but I gave what I thought were good answers and a lot of "come to that bridge when we cross it." kind of stuff. With giant tears in her eyes, she asked me if there was any chance of reconciliation...

First let me say, that was a BIG shock to hear her say that. Second, I do still love her so I said yes and that I would be willing to try. We have since then put the divorce on hold, are taking a small break/time apart, and it is atually going really well. I feel confident in the fact that it will work out and everything will be ok. We are going to try and find a new place to call home away from both our families to give us a fresh start and I am excited.

There were no real negative reactions in our family or friend circles when we started to tell people our decision. So I hope there won't be any here, I just felt I owed the forum an explaination and also a cause to pause and realize what we have and maybe not complain about it or want to change it. I also didn't want to seem like a giant flip flopper saying "I'm divorced, I'm separated, I'm married" etc.

Thanks for the read and support.
 
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I remember some of your posts. Glad things are looking up and you're willing to give it another try. Sometimes things just have to be put in perspective for people. I've know a couple who had the same type of reconciliation ten or twelve years ago, and they are still happily together.

So, I wish you luck and same happiness.
 
I wish you both the best of luck & send a prayer that it will all work out. I still wonder what my life would be like if my ex & I had reconciled. Oh well. Remember that pride can really harm a relationship, & I know this from personal experience.
 
I'll start by saying there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
And ANY relationship which spans the ages is going to look pretty good to everyone, simply because of the longevity factor.

But it's HARD WORK. Remember, that for time spells, one or the other will be depressed (Sometimes by the relationship, sometimes by other things.) Everyone gets angry. Everyone thinks the grass is always greener. Everyone feels THEY do all the heavy lifting.

We are all wrong, on so many fronts its' not even funny.....:confused:

YOU married her. Ostensibly because you were very much in love with her. That love does not die easy. No one can really criticize your decisions, because well........ love is not always rosy and easy to work thru.

While we might FEEL you are doing X right, and Y wrong....... it's your rodeo, and we are not on the bull. We are on the fence; in fact, I got my OWN rodeo, and while today it feels like I am roping ponies...... tomorrow I might be the clown sitting at the table when the bull comes running....:eek:

You married her because you love her. Be prepared to be hurt by her, be cognizant of the fact that sometimes you are going to hurt her also. Love can heal thru a LOT of wounds, if you keep in mind that deep down, you do really love that other person. Look to the things that bind you for inspiration: Your son first and foremost! Look to your families, who deep down want to see you succeed. Be as honest as you can stand to be, and hold back things which while honest, may be brutally hurtful. Better they burn slowly and die out in you, rather than create a firestorm unnecessarily.

I wish you luck, to even come out and say "I love her, this and that are all screwed up, and I need some advice...." means you really do care, and are desperate for the life you were thinking was coming around to you. There is no need to throw in the towel, just take a deep breath, and realize that life, and love are a long, sometimes painful, often wonderful ride..... and you are officially strapped in and the safety bar has come down on you.:cool:

Hell; I wish the Kelster and I could just fix every little issue and ride into the sunset all happy and that. Not easy, but love seldom is.
 
My wife and I have been married 35 years...and it hasn't always been champagne and roses. We have had our ups and downs, hard times, good times, and times when we weren't really sure it was going to last...but we worked at it, and it has. Now, I couldn't imagine going through this life without her.

I hope that 30 years from now, you look back on this difficult period in your marriage and feel the same way...and that despite all the difficulties, the good times far outweigh the bad. :)
 
Rojodiablo:

That was one of the most insightful posts that I have seen in a long time.

I really hope that this young man reads and rereads it carefully.

God? Budda? How about, 'The Force?"

It does not matter what word you put to it. But my prayers go out to save this marriage.

And the really neat thing is that I know that a whole bunch of you will join me.

Skye
 
The very best to both of you. Prayer from Texas your relationship will grow together, love together, and stay together.
 
More prayers from Texas. Another bump in the rough road of life. I hope the rest of the roads are not so rough. Remember this is Sunday.
 
We are going to try and find a new place to call home away from both our families to give us a fresh start
Click to expand...

This is a very good idea. Inlaws, no matter how well meaning, can wreak havoc in a relationship. My wife is the greatest thing in the world, and has been since I convinced her the world doesn't revolve around her mother.
 
Good for you! The easiest thing in the world is to walk away. Staying together and working to make it work is the only way it will work. At the base of everything, you have to be friends.
 
It sounds like from the time you were served and now you both learned to co-operate and work together and even to talk to each other. God Bless you both, Good luck. Marriage is a 24 hour a day 7 day a week JOB it takes WORK from both people.
 
Both my sister and my best friend got divorced from their spouses only to discover it was a grave error. In both cases, after a year or two, they reconciled and re-married the ex.
My sister and her husband stayed together for the rest of their lives. My best friend and his wife are still together and their marriage is stronger than ever.
I was married to my wife for 33 years until her passing. We had our share of difficulties. A couple of times we were consulting divorce lawyers. But we always worked it out because down deep there was always true love.
A good marriage takes hard work. Only those who are willing to roll up their sleeves and dig in will make it.

I can't say what's best for you, but I applaud you and your wife's willingness to try.
 
A wise man once said, that for a marriage to work, both people have to want it to work.

Sounds like he was right.

Good luck.........from someone who's been married 46 years...not all happy but we both wanted it to work.
 
There is no such thing as perfect human being,therefore,there is no such thing as a perfect marriage! The reality of the fact is that,people in young marriages have to grow up and face the facts of life.I doubt anyone has heard the words (Life is easy) It is not! It is a challenge and sometimes a struggle,in other words it has its ups and downs,and you have to take it like most descent people do, confront the difficulties together. In any instance.Walking away is for the weak.I don't care if you are a man or a woman! Specially when there are kids involved.There is no problem that can't be solved between adults but some people think it is easier to walk away,and go meet someone new.Is that someone really the perfect person!! B.S. Like I said before there is no perfect person. So you have to bight the bullet sometimes,and do the best you can to get along, for the sake of your kids,and your family.There is no way,someone else can give your kids as much love as you will,as a natural parent.
Some of the best marriages came out of the hardest times that the world has faced,such as world wars,the great depression etc.Those people stuck together no matter what they had to face in life's difficulties.
But anyway,I am glad to hear you are back together,and I wish,and hope that things stay that way for you two.
With all my best wishes to you.
 
Wow, there's some great advice in all the previous posts.

Someone once told me, "You don't marry the 'right person.' You become the 'right person'." That pretty much sums it up...you're continually working together to become the right person for your spouse.

I wish you both the best.
 
Had a good friend who was married, divorced, and then remarried his former wife. A month before he died they had party in town to help raise some money for him. He was well known and well liked by all. He apologized to me for the party and said the only reason he let it happen was that he wanted to make sure his wife would have a little extra to allow her to keep their house. He didn't know he was dying until a few months before his death and was in his early 50s. You and your wife go at the rest of your life together as a team. I hope you both have a long and fruitful life awaiting you.
 
I don't know you from a hole in the ground, but you have survived a serious event and are coming away with all you faith and trust intact. There is no better way to get on with life than with the one you committed with.
We should all be so motivated.
To prevail in the long haul, you must stay on the path.
 
Thanks all for the likes and overwhelmingly positive feedback, and also the great advice. I am feeling even more blessed now to have my forum behind me. The thing that always kept me going was a quote by Honest Abe "It's not the weight of the load that breaks you, it's how you bare it."
 
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