Spank or No Spank?

[PA Reb]

Yep, I was spanked mainly by my dad when I deserved it and I deserved it alot when I was a kid. My dad passed away when I was twenty nine but he taught me some very valuable life lessons before he did that I will always be thankful to him for. Thanks Pop, I love and miss you alot!

I remember a time when I was a senior in high school. I had a wood shop teacher who was in charge for a study hall period. This guy came up to about my shoulders and really didn't scare me at all. I constantly went into the class after the buzzer because after all, I was a big shot senior and the teacher was just a runt of a guy and no one was telling me what I can and can't do. One day he said to me "if you come in here late tomorrow, you and I are going over to the wood shop." The next day, probably because I was so defiant, I went in after the late buzzer. George immediately called me out of the room and took me across the hall to the wood shop. He told me to take my wallet out of my back pocket and bend over one of the tables. He then, without hesitation, cracked me across the butt with one of the boards he found laying around. It literally brought tears to my eyes although I refused to let him see that it bothered me.

Jump ahead years later and I'm married with kids of my own. George is now retired but he is in charge of the local Little League Baseball and manages the team one of my kids are on. I still tower over him and weigh nearly twice what he does BUT, I respected him very much. We always joked about the day in the wood shop and I'd ask him jokingly if he'd like to try that again! It always ended in a good laugh.

Sorry for the long rant but I'm all for a good swat across the butt when its needed. It taught me humiliation and respect and I will always be thankful for the people in my past that put me on the right path!

 

[joeintexas]

There of course is a big difference between a beating and a swat on the bottom. Each individual is different and requires different levels of correction. A simple "good talking to" would work for my older brother, for me it took a trip to the woodshed! We raised 5 kids, one never got a swat, three very seldom but when needed it was there and one we could have spanked everyday and threatened with reform school and it wouldn't have made any difference. By the way, all five grew up just fine and made good citizens. Don't think I would have changed a thing.

 

[Andy Griffith]

I only got spanked about a half dozen times as a child by my father. They were spankings and not beatings.

Only once did I make my father so mad that turned red in the face and he didn't say a word to me and he went for a walk.

I think the trick is, not to ever correct a child when you at your wit's end or terribly angry. I guess that must be when most people do it, and because they have little or no self-control, they go too far and it turns into a real beating.

I still have one of my father's belts in the closet- I can never forget the sound it made when it came out of the belt loops. Fortunately, we were very well behaved children- especially in public. I'll never forget my father telling some lady at the store to make her children mind or she was going to get whipped- that was in the 1970's!!!! I don't think he'd get away with that today, although I've seen many parents that should be beaten for substandard parenting.

 

[A10]

I was never spanked as a kid, though the potential was always there! Dad was a big guy, 6' and around 300 for his entire life. Had a deep and commanding voice too (probably part of what made him a great cop!). Trust me, we did what was expected of us! I have never spanked and of the kids or grandkids, though they would occasionally get a swat to the diaper if they were refusing to listen to their mom/gramma! Me, I'd just grab them by the front of their shirt, lift them to eye level, and let them know their behavior was not acceptable. That seemed effective, even when the boys were in their early teens.....

 

[keithpip]

Spanking

When my kids were little I did on occasion give them the "swat" on the butt. I only did this when the situation really warrented it. When they're small the swat will usually get their attention. I found that corporal punishment doesn't work as they get older. By the teen years you can forget it. Now beating a kid is another matter. My great grandmother used to say "When you beat a child you drive out one demon but drive in another" Enough said.

 

[keithpip]

And while were on the subject, why do parents wait until they're in line at Walmart to beat the daylights out of their kids?

 

[BlackAgnes]

For some reason, gun folks are keen to do violence to the people they are supposed to love, in the name of discipline.

The only people in the USA that may legally be beaten are children.

I'll repeat that: Only children can be beaten with impunity in this country.

If you feel you have to hit a child, you've lost the battle already.

There should be a special hell for these sanctimonious folks.

Yeah, I know--You were hit as a kid and you turned out just fine!

If you are hitting your kids, are you sure?

 

[A10]

The only people in the USA that may legally be beaten are children.

I'll repeat that: Only children can be beaten with impunity in this country.

QUOTE]

Excuse me.....B.S.!!!!!!!!

 

[BlackAgnes]

A-10--

Not so. If anyone hit an adult with a board, he'd be arrested for assault. Hit a kid with the same board, especially in southern schools where it's allowed, and you're OK.

Give me a break!

In my opinion, hitting kids is never justified.

What does it teach them?

If you're bigger, you can hit someone smaller?

The way to solve problems is with violence?

If you really want to confuse a child, tell him you love him and then hit him. Or tell him afterwards.

Come on--it's time to call it like it is. Sure, you can achieve compliance through fear--what's that worth?

Anyway, I realize this is a hot-button issue and we don't all agree on it.

...But if your parents hit you while you were a kid, they were wrong, and if you are hitting your kids, so are you. Not bad people--just wrong.

 

[g_conway]

my parents would have been in jail if the laws were the same back then.

I slapped my daughters hand when she was 3 years old. I have never had to touch her since. Most of the time, a look will work (she is 14 now.)

I think it has more to do with the child than the spanking. I was a willful little S**t growing up. I deserved all of those punishments. I know I was not "looking for attention" I just sucked at not getting cought. Talking works very well for a lot of kids, as long as they believe you will follow through on whatever threat you give them. I do believe that with some children you have to give them a painful starting point to get them to believe you. It should be the minimum amount needed to cause them not to want that to happen again.

By the way, that was the first time I understood the meaning of " this is goint to hurt me more than you."

 

[A10]

I agree it is a hot button issue, one that goes well beyond the mere musings of some internet philosophers. I do feel that people need to know there are consequences for making poor decisions. I have observed people who, without consequences, will put themselves and others in mortal danger. As I said previously, my parents never spanked us. We did however, FEAR the consequences of making bad choices. Fear is a basic motivator, pssibly the principal motivator in a law abiding society. Fear of jail time, fear of tickets, fear of not being accepted by society, the list goes on and on. Don't sell it short! And, don't sell pain short either! Both are primal learning tools, and can result in core learnings.

Discipline and cruelty are not the same thing. And, "beaten with impunity" is a misrepresentation of the topic.

 

[M29since14]

I don't agree with the No Spank talk until your blue in the face method...

I don't either, but in our last thread like this Dave said the spanking usually hurt him worse than it did the child. Certainly was true for me, so I did little of it - and things worked out just fine. Main thing is to NEVER do anything when the little jaspers have your blood boiling.

 

[Armyphotog]

I was raised down South. The switch was the weapon of choice down here. OUCH! I don't remember what I got switched for, but I'm sure I had it coming. I grew up alright, but I think my parents' own integrity and sense of right & wrong shaped me more than the switch, but it did get my attention.

 

[REM 3200]

The spanking never bother me near as much as the lectures.

Man, I know what you mean.

 

[nawilson]

I don't know about New York, but here in Georgia we DO have laws against beating a child with impunity. It is called child abuse. Parents are allowed to use reasonable physical force to discipline their children though. There is a difference.

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

The best argument for NOT spanking your kids today is that they'll tell their teachers and you'll have the law and the child welfare agencies on you in a flash, especially in an area where their caseload isn't that great and the local culture doesn't tolerate it.
As frustrating as it can be, it's best to take the High Road. A friend is going through a bitter divorce with his wife, she pulled the old "domestic violence-he hit me bit". The cops took her to the local ER, the examining physician told the cops "She's full of it!" Now she's the one with the credibility problem.

 

[nicky4968]

FWIW, there is a test used on parents by child psychologists (the name of which I forget) in child custody battles.
The best score you can get is a 9.
If you score a 10, you're faking the test.
As the psychologists will tell you, "If you score a 10, you wouldn't spank your child for running into traffic".
If Boulder, Colorado child psychologists agree there is a point where physical discipline is required, we on the forum can't be all wrong.

 

[W.E.G.]

I think there are degrees of spanking.

So no clear-cut answer.

I generally object to public spanking - especially if its the checkout line at Wal-Mart.

But again, it depends on the situation and context.
Some public spanking is probably well-deserved.

 

[truckemup97]

As the psychologists will tell you, "If you score a 10, you wouldn't spank your child for running into traffic".

That's about the only reason I've ever spanked my daughter (imminent physical harm). One swat with the palm of my hand, just enough to get her complete attention. I can count the number of times on one hand, and all were before she was school age. Afterword, we sat down and discussed what had happened and why.

She started in a private high school last fall. As we were filling out the forms, there was a yes/no question about corporal punishment. She said, "You're checking no, right?" I told her that I most certainly wasn't. She couldn't believe it, but I think it set the tone for her behavior at this school (not that she was a problem before). BTW, I know the principal, who administers the punishment (only happens about once a year, school-wide), and he won't do so without a parental conference first.

 

[Peter M. Eick]

While I was whacked pretty good as a kid (yes I deserved it) and the nuns with the rulers got me also (yes I deserved it), I can say that I have never once struck my daughter in any way. I have thought about it, she as a pre-teen knows I am capable and would do it if needed but so far no need.

I don't think I am doing anything special or right, just lucky so far.