Stupid stuff people say to LE

[LVSteve]

Used to hear some zingers on the show Cops, and people haven't got any smarter since that show aired. We had a drunk passenger kicked off a plane here in Vegas yesterday. At some point she came up with this gem

Also, according to the report, Diaz told officers that they had no right to arrest her because she was an attorney.

Unruly passenger arrested at Harry Reid Airport | KSNV

Got any more recent ones?

 

[swsig]

Did she have a shirt on?

 

[biku324]

"I have nothing to hide." - every guilty person.

 

[ladder13]

 

[S42N8]

"Why, no, officer, I have no idea why you pulled me over" - every driver on southbound I-75 past the I-275 exit.

 

[lihpster]

My brother's buddy smarting off to the officer that pulled my brother over when asked if there were any weapons in the car: "Does dynamite count? It's for fishing!" The search took awhile.

 

[Hugh WW]

My all time favorite

Do you know who I am?

Sadly most of my snappy comebacks as a traffic cop in the 1970's would get me spanked by the Big Gorilla

 

[jscheck]

I heard the joke but never thought I'd hear it on the job, kid actually told me he was speeding because he was "almost out of gas" and "trying to get to the gas station "! You can't make this up!

 

[Old cop]

My absolute favorite is; "I know my rights" b/c they almost always don't, getting themselves into more trouble.

 

[WardenRoss]

"Mam, you failed to come to a complete stop at the sign."


She replied "The sign says STOP, not DROP DEAD!"


,

 

[smoothshooter]

Did she have a shirt on?

Why do so many crazy women have the highly arched eyebrows?

 

[WR Moore]

Guy got stuck while driving his car down the railroad tracks on Christmas Eve. "I been to a party, and I'll admit I've had a few, but I don't wanna cause anyone any trouble. I'm just looking for a way home without too much traffic on it." He was hanging onto the car door and fell off it twice while making this speech.

Footnote: he had 7 fifths lined up on the back seat in case of a sudden attack of sobriety on the way home.

 

[pawngal]

A few days ago Iowa HP stopped a speeder going 129mph. Reason? Didn't want his kid to be late for 1st day of school.

 

[Rodan]

Too many to list, but here's some favorites...

When asked how much they've had to drink, the answer is always: "two beers"

When you find the dope or gun: "these aren't my pants"

My all time favorite, while cuffing a guy for homicide: "is this going to take long?"

 

[Rustyt1953]

 

[Rpg]

You can't do that!

Famous last words as the cuffs go on, or the back seat door of the cruiser closes, or as the doors of the detention center close.

Maybe some of these citizens actually believe it!

 

[Rpg]

"Why, no, officer, I have no idea why you pulled me over" - every driver on southbound I-75 past the I-275 exit.

This is a whole lot better than actually confessing to speeding from the defense standpoint. At least the suspect won't have his confession presented to the jury.

 

[LVSteve]

When you find the dope or gun: "these aren't my pants"

I recall that from an episode of Cops.

 

[Bozz10mm]

Didn't you see that stop sign?

Yes officer, but I didn't see YOU.

 

[old bear]

Got any more recent ones?

Not recent, but still a classic. On tape in DUI processing area, one brain trust stated he would not attempt the physical DUI testing process. When I asked him why. his response was, "I'm to ******* Drunk."
Unlike most DUI charges that one never made it to court. Can't figure out why not

 

[Autonomous]

A little off topic but it's story time so here we go.
Setting; somewhere up in British Columbia, a railroad road switcher on some end of the line dead end track. This is a couple generations ago when almost all rails (workers) were heavy, serious drinkers.
The crew goes from a main line depot up to a small town and switches out the customers. They'd spend the night at lodging and come back the next day. No other trains come up, so they own the track.
As the crew stumble out of a bar at closing time a polite Canadien Mounty is reminding the patrons to find someone sober to drive them home.
The crew thanked the Mounty and stumbled directly across the street to their waiting locomotive and roared off.
Understand that older two stroke locomotives would carbon up quickly when idling. Going from an extended idle to full throttle guaranteed a big shower of sparks from the stack.
Heros.

 

[biku324]

"I don't know whose those briefcases belong to. " - Money mule with $1.1 million in $100 bills, all in bundles of 50 bound fore and aft with #3 rubber bands inside the identical 10 briefcases resting in two stacks of 5 cases in his backseat.

 

[S42N8]

Next in the sequence: A Good Start

 

[NFrameFred]

PD buddy of mine in a small town was dressed down by an entitled woman during a traffic stop who told him, "Why don't you get a real job on a real PD doing real police work instead of harassing people for nothing in this hick town ?"


To which he replied, "Well ma'am, here's your REAL ticket. Have a nice night."

 

[Eric300]

This was always my favorite that pretty much meant 'guilty';

COP:
"Is there anything in the vehicle that you shouldn't have?"

DRIVER:
"Not as far as I know"

"

 

[jimmyj]

"You can write that citation, but I will NOT sign it !"
60-08 to Control, 10-15 X1 and request rotation wrecker.

 

[moosedog]

I used to love it when someone would say "I'll see you in court!"
To which I would replay "I hope so. We get overtime for that".

 

[Marshwheeling]

Got any more recent ones?

Not recent, but still a classic. On tape in DUI processing area, one brain trust stated he would not attempt the physical DUI testing process. When I asked him why. his response was, "I'm to ******* Drunk."
Unlike most DUI charges that one never made it to court. Can't figure out why not

That one recalls the Slappy White classic:

Walk that white line.

You walk it, I'm drunk.

 

[Rob613]

Years ago now, but I was with my brother and he got pulled over for speeding. He told the trooper he was just going with the flow of traffic.

Trooper: Have you ever been fishing?
Brother: Of course
Trooper: Have you ever caught alllll the fish?

I laughed and joked about it for years.

 

[LVSteve]

This was always my favorite that pretty much meant 'guilty';

COP:
"Is there anything in the vehicle that you shouldn't have?"

DRIVER:
"Not as far as I know"

"

If there is a friend of a friend in the car that the driver doesn't really know, it's a legitimate response IMHO.