Things you need to know if you move to the South

Puller

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THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. Onced and Twiced are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?

8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.

9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.

10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.

17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.

20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.

21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)

22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

23. You know what a hissy fit is.

24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
 
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Not only down right funny, they are all true!! My grandma had a paper route south of San Antonio TX and soon as I could see over the steering wheel I drove and she threw papers ( I must of been 8 years old).

My Mom asked once about me running into anything, Grandma said after careful thought, "Honey we I go to deliver papers there is nothing but cactus and barbed wire fences!!
I got to watch out bragging but does anyone know how fast a Ford Galaxy will go?? I do and it was under supervision of grandma, after I topped out at 100, she looked at me and said "Now that mystery is solved, do you think you need ever to do it again??
God how I miss that old lady!!
 
Half sweet, half unsweet is it for me. Some places its so Sweet it will rot your teeth while drinking. Okra has to be cooked just right, fried with light batter or in a stew with good tomatoes and onions, BTW , seasoned with REAL Smithfield ham. Half to buy it from small shops around there ( Driver)now as Smithfield meats been sold to the Chinese. Anyone know how Real Smithfield hams are cured? I do, just asking
 
What's even worse is when ya move from the south to the north. Heck out here in Never never land wyoming they call that wet stuff What- er. Also they call streams cricks and a little larger stream a river. And ain't anybody knows what y'all means
 
I grew up in the South and hate sweet tea. My mom on the other hand
wanted enough sugar to have a 1/2 inch settle out of solution to the bottom of the glass, when she got ready for a drink she stirred the
sugar and drank before it settled.
 
A. Gizinta ~ six gizinta twelve.
B. K'Meerfiraminute ~ come here for a minute.
C. Merkins ~ Americans. Whenever we have a Southern President, we are addressed as, "My fellow Merkins."
D. The entire grit-eating population knows that it takes 20 minutes . . .
 
Here's a few personal favorites:

1. All bodies of water in the South have horrible deadly monsters hiding in them - some of them are 12-foot long but others are microscopic.
2. Florida is not "the South". Florida is the only state in the Union where you have to drive 8 hours NORTH to get to THE SOUTH.
3. Yes we have seasons, but they go by different names - baseball, basketball and football.
4. The basic laws of mathematics are different in the South - everybody knows pies are round and CORNBREAD ARE SQUARED.
5. (Actually from the movie "My Cousin Vinny") - "If you didn't want grits then how come you ordered breakfast?"

(Pause here for groaning... :D)
 
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I remember my Father showing me how to put peanuts in a short Coke at the old Eight Ball service station in Rome, Mississippi. Good memories there.

When I was young, I sweetened tea so much you could see a half inch or so of sugar sediment at the bottom of the glass. I (like others) would let the syrupy sugar run down the side of the upturned glass as it became empty, and slurp it down. Now, as an older adult, when at a restaurant, may just top off a glass of unsweet tea with a touch of sweet tea or lemonade. Sweet tea, although good, has too many health concerns.
 
Pee-can vs puh-kahn.

Shrimp is a two syllable word with an "s" on the end.

NOPE! Not in Ten-a-sea (Tennessee) it is Pa-chan (pecan) not "peacan." I don't care how Paula Dean pronounces it, she is wrong!!

Shrimp is simply "scrimp." If your not from the South, please refrain from telling us how we pronounce things and speak!!
 
You can tell how long someone has lived there by the number of vehicles that don't run. After a few generations you're in the junk business whether you wanted to be or not.

NOT JUNK! That would be landscaping!
Unless someone wanted to buy on of them to restore. Then they would be fine lookin automobiles! Family heirloom!
 
2. Florida is not "the South". Florida is the only state in the Union where you have to drive 8 hours NORTH to get to THE SOUTH.

And while we're on that topic: Oklahoma is not "the West".

I once flew five hours eastbound from Oregon to a workshop in Oklahoma City. Super-nice people, but I was the only one who wasn't from the South, and these good folks all thought they were in the West.
 

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