THIS EVENING WILL BE VERY ROUGH - BUT HOPEFULLY WE CAN CHEER UP AN OLD & SICK FRIEND

chief38

chief38

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THIS EVENING WILL BE VERY ROUGH - BUT HOPEFULLY WE CAN CHEER UP AN OLD & SICK FRIEND

UPDATE IN POST 20 BELOW:

Today we got a surprise visit from an old friend and is wife. I've know him since I was 16 and yesterday he and his wife stopped by unannounced. They drove down from NY and are staying with one of their friends - about 2 miles away from us. At first they did not realize we were so close to where they are staying.

They called us from the main gate and when I saw his wife on the video I opened the gate immediately. My friend has had Alzheimer's for 6 or 7 years now and I have not seen him in almost 4 years since we no longer live up North. We do speak on the phone once a month and text each other almost daily - he sends the exact same messages every time. When I saw him struggling to exit the car, he was a totally different person than I knew just a few years ago and I helped him out. I do not think he weighs 100 pounds now! He starred at me and I did not know if he even knew who I was. My best friend for 68 years was also at my house at the time and he also knows my visiting friend for 55 years, but he was not recognized at all. Anyway, they spent 45 minutes here and we invited them back for dinner Saturday evening.

So this afternoon they will be here around 5pm and this will be a very tough, emotional and heart wrenching evening. He has deteriorated physically and is reminiscent of a WW2 Holocaust survivor - that is what immediately came to mind when first seeing him. I hope we can at least cheer him up as his wife told us he is just so depressed. As bad as his horrible disease is, he is still aware that he has Alzheimer's but I do not know if he understands what that really is. So tonight will be a bitter sweet evening and I hope we can have at least some conversation with him that sparks his memory. Alzheimer's just wrecks me as it is so painful to watch a person just wither away mentally, physically and emotionally. How his wife has and is dealing with all of this has truly amazed us - I am sure some of you know it is probably the hardest thing to take 24/7/365. Anyway, I hope my wife and I can emotionally get through the evening, I hope our visiting friend can at least sort of enjoy his visit, and my best friend of 68 years will also be back here this evening to help out and lend support. Gonna be a rough one Guys, - I hope it works out for everyone. I feel so saddened about his condition and I know there is nothing anyone can do at this point.

This stage of life when you have to witness friends, relatives and loved ones get sick and suffer is the hardest of all. :(

This type of situation makes me realize just how lucky and blessed we have been for 71 years. Not everyone gets to stay relatively healthy (mentally and physically) for the better part of their lives. Things like this smack me in the face and just serve as a reminder how lucky we really are!
 
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My thoughts and prayers are with you all...

What a kind thing you are doing...even though your friend may not be able to communicate your friendship, he may get glimpses of the past that he remembers...I am sure his wife will be very appreciative of the dinner and get together for your friend...what you are doing is the true meaning of being his friend...
 
You’re a good guy, true friendships are a blessing.

I guess getting old is a two-sided coin. The good news is we’re fortunate to live long enough to be old. The bad news is, we’ve lived long enough to have old people issues…

I’ve seen my parents live long enough that they lost most all of their friends, siblings, etc. It’s tough stuff. Then my dad passed a year and a half ago, and now my mother is declining and has memory issues like you describe. It’s sad to see them go through it, and also to know that, in some fashion, it’s headed our way at some point…

Then there’s my friend/neighbor that lived next door to me growing up. She seemed old when I was a little kid, but always a nice woman and very active. Well, she just turned 100 in January and is doing great! Mentally sharp as a tack, drives, goes to church every Sunday, and a great attitude about life. Life is a wonderful mystery.
 
I went through this with Mom over the last 3 years. She had vascular dementia caused by micro-strokes. She never forgot who any of us were, but she did forget how to do all of the activities that she loved. During those three years she went from 140lb to 68lb when she left us. It was extremely hard to watch her wither away both physically and mentally. Bless you for trying as best you can. It really is all we can do besides praying.
 
I think it’s fantastic the BF’s wife drove him over.
She knew it was important for you guys to see each other.
You are good friend and she recognizes that.



Dementia is now becoming more common in the 50yr old crowd.

Papa
 
chief38, y’all are special folks for doing this for your friend! It may be a tough evening for y’all, but hopefully it is something that may bring a sliver of happiness and memories to your friend. My older sister has Front temporal Dementia Disorder. She turned 67 last month and we held a Birthday party for her at the memory care facility she is living in. She smiled and seemed to enjoy it very much. One thing that works for her, and she seems to really like, is looking at pictures from long past events that she attended. Some times she can recognize people or the event and it often brings a smile to her face! If you have pictures like this, you might want to give it a try. Bless y’all, and pray things go well.
Larry
 
My wife is a Neurology Nurse Practitioner. At her last practice she was in a Dementia clinic three days a week. Some of the stories choked me up and I never knew the people. The care takers deserve a special place in heaven for what they do down here. God bless and good luck Chief.
 
roarindan said:
Play some of his favorite music from back in your youth.
Click to expand...

The nursing home where Ruthie works budgets for a guitarist/vocalist to play in the community room once a week.

He will cover songs, jingles and commercials from the 40's, 50's and 60's.

The Alzheimer's/dementia residents light up and will often reconnect and remember the lyrics and sing along.

Ruthie never fails to be moved.
 
Spoke on the phone last week with a friend from far away that I’ve had no contact with for over 50 years. I once knew him and his wife very well. He put his wife on the phone to say hi to me, and I could not understand anything she said. I’d say she has Alzheimer’s or something else debilitating. Very sad shock, she used to be so bright and bubbly. I did not ask my friend what her problem was and he did not tell me.
 
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My BIL(74) got Dementia several years ago. My sister had us remove all his guns from the house 2 years ago cuz he threatened to kill himself and be out of misery. In a group he just listens and will never speak unless you ask him a question. He still remembers the past but doesn't remember what he did this morning. He is a big man that really enjoyed hunting, fishing and shooting. Now he has nothing to do each day but the TV and cell phone which he never calls anyone. It REALLY HURTS to see him that way.

Most of us are over the hill and headed down the other side. I thank the LORD everyday for allowing me to be me.
 
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Rustyt1953 said:
The nursing home where Ruthie works budgets for a guitarist/vocalist to play in the community room once a week.

He will cover songs, jingles and commercials from the 40's, 50's and 60's.

The Alzheimer's/dementia residents light up and will often reconnect and remember the lyrics and sing along.

Ruthie never fails to be moved.
Click to expand...
Not surprised. Although what I actually know about this is nothing, that would have been my guess.
 
Our guests left a few hours ago and my wife and I just finished cleaning up. All in all I thought the evening was a great success and it was great to see my friend once again. Tonight he was so much better than yesterday! Yesterday he sent chills down my spine when he came in. He was more alert and parts of his long term memory were coming back for small amounts of time - then seemed to fade away. Like most diseases, his wife said he has his good days and his bad days. After yesterday I consider today a good day! At least he says he recognized us tonight. He also recalled (or so he said) some of the things we did decades ago.

I BBQ'd a grill full of Ribeye steaks which are his favorite and he was so appreciative - but kept apologizing for his illness. We kept reassuring him and the evening went OK. Heart wrenching sad, but OK. Thankfully there were others here who also know him and they did help out quite a bit. I am glad we did this and I felt really good about doing something nice to help jog his memory - even of only for the moment. I'm also glad we got the opportunity to see him again. We made a date for next years visit and I just hope and pray it is still viable a year from now.

He showed a glimpse of his old sense of humor tonight and we joked about the old days even though he repeated things many times throughout the evening, but no one cared. I only hope he remembers that he had a great time with some old friends. Alzheimer's SUCKS and IMHO is worst disease a person could have.

Thank you ALL for your support - it was very encouraging and I do appreciate it!!
 
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