Very tough decisions to make with our son

[rwsmith]

Our son doesn't have ADHD either.....

You might as well give public school a try. You are paying for it anyway.

...but, he shows some signs/symptoms. He's been tested thoroughly by professionals. He takes Adderal for concentration.

He's had terrific behavior problems. However, in public schools, with backing from the experts he is under a 504 plan that acknowledges that he has problems and gives allowances for that.

I think about any public school would be far better than the one he's been attending. You can continue to search for an acceptable school, but in the meantime he'll have his needs covered. If he has behavior problems, get the causes checked out and and if he needs it, get him under a 504.

Our son was in several school programs before starting first grade and, though not as bad as what you describe, were full of unqualified people and bully children that ran unchecked.

Raising kids has always been a minefield, but never moreso than now. We agonized and tried to do everything to help our son along the way and for several years we thought we had lost him to the street culture. However, he's almost 18 now and seeing things from the other side. He's motivated, has ambition, works, does great in school. So give yours all the love and support you can, because it can be a very rough ride.

 

[H Richard]

The most important thing a family can do is to "all" have dinner together around the same kitchen table. Then "talk" about what happened that day. We had a similar situation about 40 years ago with our son who the teacher thought had problems. After he was tested by the Psychologist we were informed he had a good intelligence, could be anything he wanted to be, but was bored with too much repetitious work and didn't see why he had to do the same stuff 2 or 3 times, he understood it the first time. Fortunately the teacher was honest and admitted she took his "attitude" incorrectly, and started to challenge him with more advanced work. By the end of his 3rd grade he was doing 5th grade math. To this day he thinks Trig & algebra are fun.

 

[dusty3030]

"School shopping" is difficult. We reevaluate it year by year. Each school district is different public and private.
Where I grew up private schools sucked educationally and only existed because people did not want their kids going to school with minorities (who were majority in population in those areas.) This is still in effect today in this area to some degree.
We shop every school and are vigilant with our questions. We quiz parents whose children currently and formerly attended the particular schools. So far, our son has only gone to Catholic school. We are not Catholic, but in our area and in our case this school has small class size, great qualified teachers, and a genuine interest in our son. The school is not a "white flight" school and has children of all races, social and economic situations. The public school in our area was our second choice and we'd be satisfied with him there as well. The next closest alternative is a private Christian school that we would not send our son to at all due to quality of staff, but 5 years ago would have been fine - the administration turned over and it went down hill.
The conclusion we came to is shop them every year and do our best to make sure he gets in front of the person most qualified, motivated, and interested in his well being as we can afford. What type of school matters not.

Sorry to hear of what happened with your son.

 

[JH1951]

The key to a successful education for children revolves around parental involvement. OP seems on the right track. Today our U. S. society has evolved to a point where parents both work in an effort to survive financially, and that means often to support the lifestyle that they themselves desire. McMansions and Mercedes cloud the important issues of the family unit, and education is farmed out, in a sense, to the government (is your school funded by tax money? To what degree? Who dictates the curriculum? etc.). This is all convenient, but parental involvement in any school setting is critical to a successful, meaningful education. I work side by side with people who truly struggle financially to afford decent living conditions and a parent for the most part free of 'work' to be there for the kids. Christian and private schools are popular in my area as a way to 'do better' for the children, but as evidenced by the OP, not always successful. Raising children, if not done in a vacuum, still requires parental involvement, not a relinquishment of authority with the hopes that all will work out well. I raised a child with disabilities and had him educated in the public system. It was a part-time job, I assure you, to assure that he got what he needed. 'The system' tends not to deal well with the out-of-the-norm child. Some districts do much better than others, but that is a conscious decision they make to 'do it right'. That is expensive, and often not a welcome option, so if mom and dad don't get involved, the child gets pigeon-holed for the convenience of the system (its administrators). Suffice it to say that as parents my wife and I fought hard for the child. We learned the law, and at times educated the schools about their responsibilities. At other times we fought tooth and nail to force them to meet their responsibilities, as they would rather deny services and hope the parent didn't know what the law required them to provide. We became somewhat regular attendees at school board meetings; often not welcome because we were a thorn in their side. We accomplished a lot with respect to how services are delivered to special needs children in our area, but not without considerable sacrifice. What disappointed me most was two-fold: 1) many education administrators were ignorant of the law, or simply denied the facts to suit their own needs (flat out lied until confronted with the law), and 2) the vast majority of parents who should give a hoot chose not to do so because it complicated their lives. Keep in mind that 'special needs' kids can be on either end of the bulge in the bell curve that is said to be 'normal'. Those children with shortcomings, and those that are budding genius material (the tails on the bell curve) are both entitled to be accommodated. Parental involvement is the only way to make that happen. Do not rely on institutions to provide what only a parent can. Force the issue and work as a team with whatever mechanism you choose to use as an education for your children.
p.s. Drugs are a front line tool to mask what are in many cases other issues that need to be addressed, and perhaps not issues the child has. Drugged children pose much less of a challenge in a classroom. That is fodder for another post at a later time.

 

[Ben_hutcherson]

For college, I went to a school with a big education program. And let me tell you--those kids are slow in the head. You could pick them out in any non-education class. None of them could write worth a damn, and most of the girls were pretty well hung over Thursday mornings (the local-big-skanky-party-bar-that-doesn't-card ran a special Wednesday nights). I was always sort of amazed that you could become a History/English/whatever teacher, and take less than a handful of History/English/whatever classes.

My best teaches in high school were teachers who were a bit "non traditional" in the sense that they had a full four year degree and had worked in their field before going back for an education degree. My sister teaches elementary school, but went much the same route with a degree in biology before going back for an education degree.

I teach a class called "Chemistry for Health Professionals" which I generally shorthand to "nursing chemistry" as pre-nursing majors account for ~95% of the class(balance dental hygiene and a few other fields). I've had former teachers in the class before, and often times when I get evaluations from them the former teachers use it as a grandstand to tell me that my teaching methods "don't work for everyone" and that I need to be sure I'm "teaching to a way that all types of learners understand." Yes, those are quotes I've received, usually buried in a pile of comments from students talking about how much they learned, thinking that they wouldn't enjoy chemistry but did, and other statements of the like. I'm not opposed to trying new techniques, but at the end of the day as an adult in college it's your responsibility to learn the material the professor presents to you. That's just my little snapshot of current K-12 education trends.

 

[LVSteve]

Sounds like that school is dead and buried but has yet to fall over. Do you have to wait until the next school year to get him out?

 

[SC_Mike]

IMHO, time for a change of venue.

 

[Ranger514]

South Dakota public schools did fine by me, all the way through and including a degree from a state university. My dad taught and coached in a public school system for over 30 years before he retired. He passed in 2003, and several former students and athletes he coached attended his funeral service, or sent cards. I have several close friends who are public school teachers. All of them are first rate folks, who genuinely care about their students, and the education our kids receive. In many public school systems, highly effective, experienced teachers are leaving the profession because of low pay and ridiculous administrative policies thrust upon them.

 

[Marshwheeling]

p.s. Drugs are a front line tool to mask what are in many cases other issues that need to be addressed, and perhaps not issues the child has. Drugged children pose much less of a challenge in a classroom. That is fodder for another post at a later time.

My son once said to me about Ritalin: "Pops, you never gave it to me, but a lot of my friends got it. I got two thins to say about that. One, it is a form of child abuse. Two, it is a waste of a perfectly good recreational pharmaceutical."

 

[44wheelman]

Having switched from Catholic school to public in 4th grade....my experience was public was better for me. I got placed in remedial math at the public school because the curriculum was behind at the Catholic school. That was embarrassing. This was late '70's near Lincoln, NE.

Maybe the "ADHD" is just your son being bored, and needs challenged, or doesn't feel like he's fitting in, or... sometimes that takes a smarter more caring teacher.

And as for all those "christians" who turn their heads at you trying what's best for yours...uuhhmmm, I'll just say...nope, better not.

Good luck, thanks for sharing

 

[bovw]

In a nutshell, our middle son had the same issue and teacher diagnosis from his first grade teacher. We did the school meeting, child psychologist, etc. We were told by the Doc that he was probably smarter than the teacher and it was a personality conflict.

With that professional option, we went back to the school for another meeting with the principal. That time he agreed to try a class change. He blossomed under the different teacher, and in a couple months will graduate HS with around a 3.9 GPA as it stands now, and was accepted to VMI last week.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[hostler]

There are lots of decent and successful people who have attended public school, this is not the end of the world. I attended public school and I've been a pretty good person. My wife started school in a private Christian school and then had to change to a public school when her dad's job was threatened with lay offs. She remembers that she had a hard time for awhile because she was so far behind in many areas.
Everyone wants the best for their children but IMO the high school, and pre high school experience is way overrated. I know smart people who went to private school, I know smart people who went to public school, I know smart people who were home schooled and I know smart people who didn't graduate school. In the whole big picture of life, it won't matter where your boy goes to elementary school or middle school, or even high school. This is like asking, "should I give my kid generic or name brand vitamins". The ingredients are the same, but you think you have to get the expensive ones because that's how much you love him.

 

[DWalt]

I have two grandchildren (ages 8 and 13) who go to a very exclusive and expensive religious-related school (not Catholic). Fortunately I am not paying the tab. I won't go into details, but I am not at all happy about how they are turning out. I think they would have been far better off going to the local public schools, which are very good in my area. And it would socialize them much better than being around only the "Rich Kids." But I can say nothing that their mother wants to hear.

 

[JcMack]

I had a step son on Ritalin age 8 to 11 ('78 to'81). I don't know current medical recommendations but we were to give the boy the meds Mon thru Fri and he got a break from them on weekends. It was like stretching a rubber band all week and letting it snap on Friday night. Weekends were a nightmare. The kid liked to play with fire, literally.

 

[31FordA]

I am a product of 12 years of Catholic school. My parents, also Catholic school grads, sacrificed a lot to put my brother and I through school, which we are both grateful for. Our local public school was bad news then, and it's only gotten worse. When I think of what I pay in property tax for kids to graduate functionally illiterate (if they graduate at all) it makes me want to scream. The parochial elementary school we went to wasn't that great, the quality varied year to year depending on who you got for a teacher. Most of them were really great, but a few were beyond incompetent. My high school was much better, I can think of only one teacher who was useless. I managed to graduate in the top third of my class, and eventually went on to get a college degree that I didn't really need.

The concern about leaving a faith based school is understandable, but shouldn't discourage a change in school. I went to Catholic school, but I learned my faith from my parents and grandparents. Most of the kids I went to school with don't practice the faith in spite of all those years of school. If the local public school is a good one then it's worth considering. Regardless of what school the kids go to the most important part of their education, religous and secular, is mom and dad. Who I am is in large part the result of all the love and support my parents gave me. Good parents are way more important than any school.

 

[shamrocker]

my heart is with you my friend

I had a sort of similar situation years ago, I pulled my son and went the home school route.
Its not easy, and I was lucky as I was self employed and could have him sitting at a desk in my office.

It was the best decision I ever made...................I forced the state (with the help of my congress critter) to
GED him at age 14.
He blew them away, with 100%

I then enrolled him with a GED in the University of the unnamed state.....................he was driving to school with a learners permit at 14.

A year later he came to me and wanted to transfer all his credits to the university of Alaska, we did, moved him 4,000 mi and rented him an apartment, he excelled and after being head hunted by Chevron, PB, Conoco Phillips........

He is now running a plant on the north slope and knocking down just short of 200K a year.

Hes married, happy, beyond successful, and my pride and joy.

F..k the system, get them out of it, you can do so much better, granted it was a huge sacrifice in time and money.....but what I got out of it was priceless.

the government school system is not on your side.

Nuts up, whats more important? your kid? or what?

pull them, educate them, you can do so much better than the "school system"

this from a man who barely made it out of High School.

 

[Muss Muggins]

Sue their (. . . . )off, individually and as a school----the fact they are in financial trouble telegraphs that they are very poorly managed---if this happens to be your church too, find another church, (God help those who help themselves)
You could consider home schooling, if you and your wife both work, then perhaps an uncle or aunt or grandparent will step up to the task---but any child that has a 94 GPA isn't the problem to be addressed.
olcop

The fact that they are in financial trouble means there's nothing there to get from a tort action . . .

 

[JH1951]

An interesting thought to ponder about home schooling: A neighbor who home schools recently said to me "It's simply amazing what I have learned myself during this undertaking....."

 

[chaparrito]

My best teaches in high school were teachers who were a bit "non traditional" in the sense that they had a full four year degree and had worked in their field before going back for an education degree. My sister teaches elementary school, but went much the same route with a degree in biology before going back for an education degree.

I teach a class called "Chemistry for Health Professionals" which I generally shorthand to "nursing chemistry" as pre-nursing majors account for ~95% of the class(balance dental hygiene and a few other fields). I've had former teachers in the class before, and often times when I get evaluations from them the former teachers use it as a grandstand to tell me that my teaching methods "don't work for everyone" and that I need to be sure I'm "teaching to a way that all types of learners understand." Yes, those are quotes I've received, usually buried in a pile of comments from students talking about how much they learned, thinking that they wouldn't enjoy chemistry but did, and other statements of the like. I'm not opposed to trying new techniques, but at the end of the day as an adult in college it's your responsibility to learn the material the professor presents to you. That's just my little snapshot of current K-12 education trends.

Your snapshot of "current K-12 education trends" is an example taken from a college course for professionals?
Thanks ever so much!

 

[bullmack]

ADHD is way over treated - even by the pro's. Drugs should be the last resort. Some kids are simply hyper active while others are the opposite. My wife cannot sit still. She always needs to be doing something. In 1st grade (mid 50's) they simply allowed her to stand in the back of the classroom and move around. She's a med school grad with honors.