What's your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

[Frailer]

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because "hunting" implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

 

[LVSteve]

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Now that's clever.

There are no doors in Chuck Norris's house. Who needs doors when you can walk through walls.

 

[M28]

Chuck Norris built the house he was born in.


(Can't take credit, think I saw it here on the Forum.)

Brian~

 

[Swissman]

Chuck Norris is the only actor who needs a stuntmen for crying-scenes.

 

[snake charmer]

Who's Chuck Norris?

 

[38-44HD45]

Chuck Norris does not do pushups. He pushes, and the Earth moves down.

 

[gaucho1]

Chuck Norris can tell you

"How many chucks can a woodchuck chuck?"









But it irritates him ........................................................... A Lot

 

[Bullseye 2620]

Bullseye

 

[mod29fan]

Legend has it that Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard.....just a third fist. (line from a Family Guy episode)

 

[viceunit]

Ghosts are caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

 

[Speedo2]

One bad bowling team, over in Langstuhl, Germany:

Well, maybe not so scary after all:

 

[JustinL]

I heard he once killed two stones with one bird.

 

[pawncop]

Chuck Norris kicked Superman out of his Fortress of Solitude, and dated Lois Lane.

 

[Huffer]

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice.

If Chuck Norris were to fight himself, the universe would implode.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

 

[Bullseye 2620]

Bullseye

 

[safearm]

I'd rather face Chuck Norris!

Bullseye

 

[Farmer17]

Why was Chuck Norris never in a western movie? .......Because he won't ride a horse, he'll carry it!

 

[MTS Cop]

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a gun, he just points his finger at something, says bang and it dies.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar and the roof blew off because no building can contain that much awesome.

Chuck Norris set the speed record at Talladega...without a car.

Chuck Norris has won every election in American history, he just chooses to let others run things.

 

[Dennis The B]

Chuck Norris is never late. Time knows better than to get ahead of Chuck.

 

[Huffer]

Before filming any movie scene, Chuck Norris must be injected with a 50x dose of elephant tranquilizer to keep from scalding the cast with the searing heat of his rage.

Before filming a movie fight scene, Chuck Norris must be injected with a 100x dose of whale tranquilizer so that if he were to accidentally hit any of the stuntmen, they would have a chance of survival after a month in ICU.

Before Chuck Norris fought Bruce Lee in "Way of the Dragon", Chuck requested a 500x dose of lethal injection serum because he considered Bruce a friend.

When a total eclipse of the sun occurs in any part of the world, it means that Chuck Norris happened to be there that day and decided to practice his stare-down on the sun.

When Bruce Banner gets angry, he becomes the Incredible Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he becomes Chuck Norris.