hostler
Member
It's a terrible thing what you and your family are going through, it's the curse of being human, having comprehension of our own, and loved ones, mortality. Knowing it's going to happen and yet optimistic enough to think it may not.
When to say when and when to let it go.
- Thread starter Ματθιας
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Beemer-mark
Member
I feel sorry for you and your family. My older brother is only 76 and he wants it to end. His wife is an angel (and has her own problems) but she takes care of, and I mean everything. He;s home bound and getting out of his recliner is more than he can bear. One thing I think of, and it may be insensitive, is when my childhood dog was blind and suffering taking him to the vet and putting him down was considered an act of mercy. Today my daughters are so attached to their dogs they spend enormous amount on the vet just to prolong the dogs suffering. I think we all know when it's time to go but modern science just offers so many miracles.
This kind of thing is really sad. People unthinkingly make horrible decisions for people at the end of their time in this plane because of their own inability to let go and be at peace with it.
When my late wife was diagnosed with a inoperable brain tumor her one daughter just couldn't let it go that they had to "do something" My wife chose to undergo radiation and chemo in hopes of more time knowing fully well that it was only a stop gap. I supported her decision 100%. Her daughter still won't have much to do with me and I thinks she believes I should have made something more happen.
My one sister went to the hospital, when I was there she told me she was done, she wanted to stop here meds, quit all of it, she was tired of it all, in constant pain, didn't enjoy life and was ready to go. She wanted all her kids to come see her and for me to help make them understand and not interfere. It was difficult, but thankfully they knew better than argue with her and when I made it plan I supported her decision and that I was not going to tolerate any fighting over it all went kind of OK.
End of life directives and medical power of Attorneys are the way to go. Don't wait till its to late. Do it now and appoint someone who knows and will follow through with your wishes. Talk to your kids, family and friends NOW, Tell them what you want and why. Do it for yourself and for them, so they can work though it and get used to the idea and then when the time does come find some peace with it all.
When my late wife was diagnosed with a inoperable brain tumor her one daughter just couldn't let it go that they had to "do something" My wife chose to undergo radiation and chemo in hopes of more time knowing fully well that it was only a stop gap. I supported her decision 100%. Her daughter still won't have much to do with me and I thinks she believes I should have made something more happen.
My one sister went to the hospital, when I was there she told me she was done, she wanted to stop here meds, quit all of it, she was tired of it all, in constant pain, didn't enjoy life and was ready to go. She wanted all her kids to come see her and for me to help make them understand and not interfere. It was difficult, but thankfully they knew better than argue with her and when I made it plan I supported her decision and that I was not going to tolerate any fighting over it all went kind of OK.
End of life directives and medical power of Attorneys are the way to go. Don't wait till its to late. Do it now and appoint someone who knows and will follow through with your wishes. Talk to your kids, family and friends NOW, Tell them what you want and why. Do it for yourself and for them, so they can work though it and get used to the idea and then when the time does come find some peace with it all.
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2009 I had the hardest talk of my life. My Father sat me down and said don't say a word till I finish. "I'm 86 years old in very poor health and I want to Die with Dignity" If something happens to me Under no circumstance do I want to be re-sisatated. I have 3 sons that I couldn't be more proud of. You being the oldest and most dependable I trust that you will obey my wishes.
He handed me a DNR that he had already signed asked me to sign and will have his doctor sign and place in his records.
I thank the Lord that I never had to make that decision Dad Passed away quietly in his sleep about 3 months later
He outlived my mom by 20 years, was a decorated WW II veteran, Bronze Star Battle of Okinawa. survived 4 heart attacks quad bypass and Lung Cancer heavy smoker for 40 years before he quit cold turkey .
Rob
He handed me a DNR that he had already signed asked me to sign and will have his doctor sign and place in his records.
I thank the Lord that I never had to make that decision Dad Passed away quietly in his sleep about 3 months later
He outlived my mom by 20 years, was a decorated WW II veteran, Bronze Star Battle of Okinawa. survived 4 heart attacks quad bypass and Lung Cancer heavy smoker for 40 years before he quit cold turkey .
Rob
Somber but learning post. Thanks
Most families wait way too late to call in hospice. It's an incredible service that really helps families with end of life treatment . . .
Ivan the Butcher
Member
I had a stroke 10 years ago this coming fall, I don't remember the 3 or 4 days in the neural ward but my wife tells me stories.
She would be there in the afternoon, and the nurse ect. would make their rounds, but skip my room! Then and the end of a shift they would check on me. My wife ask one why they walked past earlier and then came back? The response surprised her, the staff all knew I would recover and saved me for last, and dealt with the hopeless cases first then the badly damaged, the those that would have minor difficulty, then me, That way they could go home on a good note.
After a major brain trauma, nothing is ever exactly like it was before! I have a few minor things, but have no reason to compline. My memory starts with them wheeling me down the hall to physical therapy (5 days after I was in the ER), I looked at her and said, I'm going to be a good boy and do every thing they ask me, not be a pain in the butt, and get out of here A.S.A.P! She looked at me and said; "Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?" It turns out I was a big PIA during my semi conscious period, mostly about letting the nurses undress me!
While I was unconscious in the neural ward she would be walking down the hall and see all the people on life support, she ask the nurse she was closest to about it, these patients had families that just would not let go.
My wife's mom, passed 6 years ago, in her sleep in her home, with family sending he home. My dad, passed 2 years ago in a nursing home, surrounded by strangers. The very thing he railed against his whole life! Wife number two, didn't seem interested in following any other of his wishes either!
Ivan
She would be there in the afternoon, and the nurse ect. would make their rounds, but skip my room! Then and the end of a shift they would check on me. My wife ask one why they walked past earlier and then came back? The response surprised her, the staff all knew I would recover and saved me for last, and dealt with the hopeless cases first then the badly damaged, the those that would have minor difficulty, then me, That way they could go home on a good note.
After a major brain trauma, nothing is ever exactly like it was before! I have a few minor things, but have no reason to compline. My memory starts with them wheeling me down the hall to physical therapy (5 days after I was in the ER), I looked at her and said, I'm going to be a good boy and do every thing they ask me, not be a pain in the butt, and get out of here A.S.A.P! She looked at me and said; "Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?" It turns out I was a big PIA during my semi conscious period, mostly about letting the nurses undress me!
While I was unconscious in the neural ward she would be walking down the hall and see all the people on life support, she ask the nurse she was closest to about it, these patients had families that just would not let go.
My wife's mom, passed 6 years ago, in her sleep in her home, with family sending he home. My dad, passed 2 years ago in a nursing home, surrounded by strangers. The very thing he railed against his whole life! Wife number two, didn't seem interested in following any other of his wishes either!
Ivan
A sad and sobering post. Please think about what you want if you are in a similar circumstance and have a power of attorney for healthcare drawn up with explicit written directions. I did that and it is very specific to hopefully cover all situations. I have discussed it with my children and they are completely on board with honoring my wishes.
Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers.
My uncle passed this morning. He lived a long and eventful life and most importantly, he's not suffering.
We lost another WW2 vet. He was an aviation engineer in the Pacific. After the War he was an officer in the USAF and then worked for and then did work for an alphabet agency in the ME and then Central and South America. He was a good man.
Out of a family of 11 kids, only two are left, the youngest, both in their late 70s early 80s.
I don't know how to put into words how I'm feeling...I'm not sad, I'm grateful and proud, that men, like him, lived and that I had the honor, privilege and luck to have been adopted and accepted as a member their family. I will miss him.
My uncle passed this morning. He lived a long and eventful life and most importantly, he's not suffering.
We lost another WW2 vet. He was an aviation engineer in the Pacific. After the War he was an officer in the USAF and then worked for and then did work for an alphabet agency in the ME and then Central and South America. He was a good man.
Out of a family of 11 kids, only two are left, the youngest, both in their late 70s early 80s.
I don't know how to put into words how I'm feeling...I'm not sad, I'm grateful and proud, that men, like him, lived and that I had the honor, privilege and luck to have been adopted and accepted as a member their family. I will miss him.
I fully support death with dignity.
I am sorry for your loss. May your uncle rest in peace.
Sorry for your loss. May your uncle Rest In Peace.
I’m sure we all have an experience similar to yours. With me it was my mom. She knew when it was time, and all 3 of her children made her as comfortable as we could, with the help of Hospice.
My wife and I have DNR orders and our son knows our wishes.
I’m sure we all have an experience similar to yours. With me it was my mom. She knew when it was time, and all 3 of her children made her as comfortable as we could, with the help of Hospice.
My wife and I have DNR orders and our son knows our wishes.
I was with one of my best friends from high school when he died in hospice care. His breathing was extremely labored, and he was unconscious from sedation. A nurse came in and gave him another morphine injection. Five minutes later, he was gone.
His wife, my wife and I looked at each other knowing that euthanasia had just been administered - but it was OK. Nothing more could have been done; and we all knew that further treatment would have just prolonged his agony.
There is a time to live and a time to die as we all must. It's nature's law. I fully understand that. When it's time to go, it's time to go.
John
His wife, my wife and I looked at each other knowing that euthanasia had just been administered - but it was OK. Nothing more could have been done; and we all knew that further treatment would have just prolonged his agony.
There is a time to live and a time to die as we all must. It's nature's law. I fully understand that. When it's time to go, it's time to go.
John
ancient-one
US Veteran
No truer words were ever spoken than those in Muss's last sentence.
My sister was an ICU nurse, and the hardest thing she had to see was people watching their loved one pass. I watched my baby sister (she was in her 50s), my dad, was too late for Mom, and my MIL. My dad had DNR in big letters above his bed when in the nursing home. It's awful, but it's part of life.
I'm sorry you lost your uncle...
I just hope there's a Heaven when I go. I'd like to see a lot of people I've lost.
I'm sorry you lost your uncle...
I just hope there's a Heaven when I go. I'd like to see a lot of people I've lost.
