A quick dip:
Annoyed at thread drift
- Thread starter geddylee10002000
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Then a nap:
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.
This bookkeeper is deaf.
It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back:
"I don't know what you are talking about.
"The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
This bookkeeper is deaf.
It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back:
"I don't know what you are talking about.
"The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey.
He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love,
Vinnie
He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love,
Vinnie
Emma, who was on a sinking ship, was thinking, ?I?m too young to die.? Then, she yelled at the people around, ?Well, if I?m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this ship who can make me feel like a woman?
For a moment, there was silence.. No response came for a while. Then an Italian man stood up. He was gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He started to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt...one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest...
She gasps...
He whispers...
Iron this, and get me something to eat.
For a moment, there was silence.. No response came for a while. Then an Italian man stood up. He was gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He started to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt...one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest...
She gasps...
He whispers...
Iron this, and get me something to eat.
Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons:
"I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!"
"I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!"
"But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!"
Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?"
Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha......."
"I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!"
"I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!"
"But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!"
Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?"
Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha......."
Vinnie Calabrese, right off the boat from Italy, was excited about being accepted at Harvard University. On his first day on campus, he was walking around looking for the library. He saw an upperclassman standing by a tree, walked up to him and said, "Hey paisano, coulda you tella me where isa da library at?"
The upperclassman said, "Here at Harvard we never end sentences with a preposition. Would you like to rephrase that question?"
"OK, fora you, no problem, Paisano," said the Italian.
"Tella me, do you know where isa da library at, youa ***?"
The upperclassman said, "Here at Harvard we never end sentences with a preposition. Would you like to rephrase that question?"
"OK, fora you, no problem, Paisano," said the Italian.
"Tella me, do you know where isa da library at, youa ***?"
A wealthy American man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during a rendezvous, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he told her he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child.
If she stayed there, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby is born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife did as she was asked, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
If she stayed there, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby is born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife did as she was asked, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destiny and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and passes gas...
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound.
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destiny and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and passes gas...
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound.
I know a good one similar to that but........
I don't want a vacation. Involves a duck and a word that can't be mentioned.
[ame]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uQSw56Gxod0[/ame]
Skeptic 9c
Member
Went in to work today, wore business casual clothing.
Geoff
Who misses wearing shorts everyday.
Geoff
Who misses wearing shorts everyday.
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