Divorce (Man Is It Tough)

Kids first, then you. Do things to keep your ego and mental state positive. If you clean the car or where you live, stop after and admire what you did and pat yourself on the back. You are a good person. Work out or maybe walk somewhere you enjoy only to help your negative thoughts disappear. Read books or watch movies if you enjoy them.

If you start to beat yourself up on how or why it failed, quit and go somehow to a positive mood or thoughts. Your own mind can be your worst enemy. Keep away from alcohol or drugs, you would only make things worse in the long run. Visit with people you enjoy and laugh as much as you can. It's tough but will eventually pass. Seek help if you need to talk it out. I divorced yrs ago. Good luck, Larry
 
There is a process of "uncoupling" when relationships end. The people wanting the divorce have already gone through the grief of the end of the marriage and have starting moving on when they tell their partner they want out. That makes them look callous. That may or may not be true. Unfortunately, the other party is forced to begin the process of hurting, grieving, and accepting the situation. The party that was left is then at a disadvantage because they are an emotional mess and rather than concentrating on recovery, they are thrown into a legal battle. The emotional roller coaster is much more violent in the beginning. The hills and valleys smooth out over time. Just as you begin to recover, she will begin to experience second thoughts and regrets. These may not be admitted but they will occur. Maintain your dignity. Seek counseling. If you cannot afford a therapist, talk to you pastor or priest. Don't have your family take sides and bad mouth her. If you reconcile, those comments cannot be taken back. It's okay to cry, too. In my opinion, an end to a marriage is worse than your spouse dying. When a spouse dies, they are taken away from you. When they leave, you have to deal with the rejection issue. Bawl your eyes out. You have cause and the right to do so. When people tell men not to cry, that is for them not you. People do not know how to deal with a man showing his pain or emotions. That is their problem and not yours.
 
I can't imagine the pain you're going through. I've never been there. I'm sorry that I have no advice for you, but I've seen some very sound stuff here.

We're here to listen. Rant on and we'll let you.
 
I did it twice. First one, I was young and wasn't ready to quit chasin'. 2nd time, I married a young thing, I was 34 she was 23. Gave me a son but about burned my life down on the way out. I was so crushed, near drank myself to death. Stayed single for the last few years of the 20th century and almost the first decade of the 21st after that. Got straightened out and met #3. Except for being old, I'm happier than ever before. I guarantee, if'n you don't dig yourself into a hole, you will be happy again. Also wiser for the experience and better able to see what is truly "good for you" in this life. Hang in there, if there were no "bad times" in our existence, how would we recognize good ones? Joe
 
DGM said:
Best thing that ever happened to me , got away from a crazy woman and wound up with the woman of my dreams . but It is a stressful process. Hang tuff there's better times ahead
Click to expand...

Boy, do I know that! My real love just went 34 years, but many said it would never last..... :)

First was 15 years of hell most of the time... :(
 
First off, leave the alcohol alone. There are NO answers in the bottom of a bottle.

Put your trust in the Lord. If you have a church family, lean on them. If you don't belong to a church, pray, a LOT. As stated above, if there are children involved, DON'T trash your ex, even if she trashs you. The kids will grow up. Don't neglect them. If you have visitation, use it.

I'll pray for you, brother.
 
I will always remember when Johnny Carson was asked on the tonight show..."Why are divorces so expensive?" He deadpanned..."Because they're worth it."

Another time, a young magician (maybe 12 years old) was wowed when Johnny made a quarter disappear...the kid asked how he did it...Johnny said "Get married."
 
How about dating?

Maybe your friends or family could help with introductions. No need to make it too serious initially, but would likely be good for your self esteem. Plus, women are nice to hang out with.

(But absolutely do not waste time lamenting about your failed marriage or talking about your former wife. That's a big turn off. Start afresh and get to know some new ladies.):)
 
Important. It may take a year or so to get past the bad.
Make it your mission not to leave anything bad in your wake.
Time will get you through it.
Hang in there.
Jim
 
When my marriage ended in 2005, after 28 years, my ex- was determined to make it as difficult as possible. I kept telling myself there would be light at the end of the tunnel, and that what I was experiencing was only temporary.

A good friend, who'd been through his own messy divorce, gave me this advice: "This will be the most difficult thing you ever go through, and when it's over, you'll realize it was one of the best things you've ever done."

And an old Italian barber I knew told me: "You marry one girl, but you divorce another!"

Hang in there...you will get through this. And we're all friends here...come on and vent anytime. :)
 
Been there, done that twice as mentioned by others. Didn't get a nifty t shirt either. I was my own attorney in both.

What I CAN share with you is this, " No matter what yo say or do to me "I'M" still a worthwhile person. This is from Jack Canfield before he and Mark Victor Hanson did the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.

Helped ME....might do the same for you as well!

Randy
 
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Onomea said:
How about dating?

Maybe your friends or family could help with introductions. No need to make it too serious initially, but would likely be good for your self esteem. Plus, women are nice to hang out with.

(But absolutely do not waste time lamenting about your failed marriage or talking about your former wife. That's a big turn off. Start afresh and get to know some new ladies.):)
Click to expand...

I wouldn't go down this path. Regardless of who initiates the divorce, it will change the dynamic with your future ex, and not in a good way. Wait until everything is officially settled.

You didn't mention children (or their ages), but that's an entirely different animal. Hard to give advice without knowing that info. People with kids fight over custody. People without fight over stuff.

Never take legal advice from your future ex.

Always take the high road. Other folks will notice, even if they don't say it.

Don't make your friends pick sides.

Get a hobby. If you're here, you probably already have one! Exercise is a great stress reducer, as well.

From this point on, never show your temper. Like someone above said, act like you don't have a care in the world.

Lastly, while it's a good idea to let your lawyer do all the talking, don't let them talk too much. They're expensive, and work for you, not the other way around. Manage your legal time wisely. It takes no time at all to rack up tens of thousands in legal bills, when what you're fighting over is worth less than that.
 
My divorce started in 84 and finalized in 90 after three lawyers and everything I owned.
Best advice is stay away and keep your cool.
I didn't and you read the results (I was 34 when it started)
 
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