Divorce (Man Is It Tough)

[4506517]

I just want to say thank you to each and every one of you. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me. I cant tell you how much better EVERY single reply on this thread has made me felt. As I read each one, I felt a little bit better.

Thank you for the out pouring of support. I cant quite tell you how much that means to me.

Since you all have shared with me, I will share a little with you (or at least as much as I can because we are still in and out of court).

My wife was mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive for years. I was always taught that no matter what you never hit a female. People are entitled to say whatever they like, it is never a license to hit someone. I finally got fed up. The stigma of being a male in an abusive relationship (not to mention a LEO) finally fell away and I stood up for me.

I have initiated a temporary domestic violence protection order, hired a cracker jack attorney, and am pursuing a divorce. Fortunately my gun collection isn't up for contention (all purchased prior to marriage), but other things are. Hardest part for me is going to be our dogs. Coolest dogs you will ever meet. I don't worry about their safety if she takes them, I'm fairly confident she will treat them well. I will just miss them terribly.

She has two daughters, my step daughters. I always found it hard to establish a bond or even a decent relationship with them even though I had raised them since they were 6 months and 1.5 years old. They are 12 and 14 respectively. Towards the end, they in turn, began to mirror their mother's behavior and make me the target of their anger and incomplete feelings.

I am following my attorney's advice to the letter even if sometimes I don't completely understand. As a bailiff years ago, I watched my attorney litigate cases and it was impressive. She has a great track record, so I'm following her advise to the "T".

Again I want to thank all of you. it means so much just to hear you all talk about your experiences and to hear that it gets much better in the end. Thank you.

 

[Lee's Landing Billy]

You never really know a woman 'til you meet her in court.

 

[gregintenn]

I've never been there, and hope to never be, but I'd suggest you lean on God for advice and comfort in such a troubling time.

 

[dben002]

When I got divorced it certainly was not pleasant. The kids, the house, the money, her, her lawyer etc..etc...etc... as I am sure all who have gone through this have experienced.

To ease the transition as best I could I just surrounded myself with my children (as much as possible), friends and activity. Tried not to spend toooooooo much time alone doing nothing.....Played a lot of golf, went hunting, fishing, to the beach....all the activities that I loved that were curtailed somewhat while married...If I was alone, I would spend time at places I enjoyed.....Gun range, Dicks Sporting Goods, Gander Mountain, and Local gun shops....killing time but being mentally occupied with something other than divorce.

Also would have friends over (both single and married) for cookouts or patio parties. Things I enjoyed doing......Then without me realizing it....I meet "her"....young, vibrant, sexy and loaded with more energy than I had ever seen. (you have to know I was 34 years old at the time). Started spending more and more time with "her" and continuing the activities I enjoyed as always. Met a whole new group of "her" friends and before I knew what happened the old divorce was gone, over, defunct and a non conscience thing of the past......got remarried and never looked back. Were married 37 years until "she" died in 2014.....Worse than divorce.....now what?? To ease the transition go to start of 2nd paragraph of this post.......it's always a continuous loop............best to you....stay active....

 

[pawngal]

How about dating?

Maybe your friends or family could help with introductions. No need to make it too serious initially, but would likely be good for your self esteem. Plus, women are nice to hang out with.

(But absolutely do not waste time lamenting about your failed marriage or talking about your former wife. That's a big turn off. Start afresh and get to know some new ladies.)

I might be the female (the enemy) BUT do not get involved in the dating scene until you can put this to rest. My guess is your attorney already told you that. When you are ready do not get serious with someone who is recently divorced (or ended relationship.) Rebound relationships very seldom work. I know, I have been on both ends of them.

 

[ladder13]

My brother did it 3 times, he's still standing.

 

[dave1918a2]

I always thought it would be an accidental discharge or a hunting accident. Just couldn't summon the courage. Hang in there baby. We'll be here if You need Us.

 

[lrrifleman]

I was divorced twice. The first marriage didn't even last two years. Come to find out, she was dating one of her co-workers since before the wedding. I hired a female attorney, got the house, no alimony, then I got a dog ... she was more loyal.

Second time around, this marriage involved kids. While I was recuperating from the accident that left me disabled, she became abusive. The events leading to the divorce were ugly. The state got involved. I fought for custody of the kids. I got to keep my house, got custody of the kids, and had to pay a token alimony for three years.

My advice is to keep your head and your calm. Don't do anything crazy or rash. Keep your mind busy and do what you enjoy. Don't trap yourself in your house, go out for dinner. Don't rush into anything.

 

[cowboy4evr]

After the divorce is final , go to " Divorce Care " it is offered through many churches across the country . It is totally non denominational . It will take you about 3 yrs to get your feet back under you before your ready to start dating / getting serious again . Take your time , enjoy yourself first before trying to share that person with someone else .

 

[jringo8769]

well what i can tell u after my divorce is this...i got out of a terrible relationship and wound up getting married to a even worse person...at the time we split....i was not prepared for it...i was young and foolish and thought i really loved this person who later would assault me in my sleep while she held our small child...i can tell u after close to 19 years later...the first part will suck...nothing u can do about that...i had a great Church and really spent a lot of time there...one thing i can tell u for sure....DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES....TRY AND DATE...this will not be good for anyone around u including yourself....if u have kids...focus on them and get all the millions of other things going on settled...i did not follow my own advice...thankfully i did not wind up with any other problems but i can tell u depending on the person...u will be better off and hopefully much happier no matter if u are alone or with someone...u need to remember how to live for yourself again and love yourself too...one of the biggest things i learned that was i did not like to be alone....that was the hardest thing for me to start....years later...i have learned to enjoy it...for me i was a athlete most of my life...i threw myself back into training and getting life back on track...put your passion into things of value...and i also did some community service work too...it always give us perspective too...God Bless and i pray things will go smoothly for u too...John

 

[LedFowl]

After 18 years, divorce was my wife's idea. She's a reasonable person, as I am. We split everything, used a single attorney, and remain friends today.

She had all the right qualities, but she didn't want to be married to me anymore. What a shame.

 

[Farmer17]

My wife left me after 17 years and it was the worst time in my life. The divorce was bad enough but after losing half my money I almost lost the other half because of business problems happening at the same time. It was like Satan came out of the ground and followed me around everyday making bad things happen constantly and I was becoming suicidal. After six months I met a woman at my apartment swimming pool and we went on one date and have been together every day since for the last 8 years and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. We built a beautiful home on an acreage and plan on spending the rest of our lives together there and when we die we don't care where we are buried as long as we're side by side.

 

[jimmyj]

I didn't marry until middle age ( I couldn't find a girl that took me serious, even though I carried a gun) However I have co-workers and friend that did/has (this makes me an expert ??).
My advise to the guys : walk away with just the clothes you are wearing and don't look back. It is not worth the stress and worry attempting to hold on to anything cause the wife will get it any how. Penny (wife)always has a room and hot meals for new divorce guys.

 

[JJEH]

Can't help you much here, my divorce was with the best thing that has happened to me!

 

[TTSH]

Despite the mind-numbing unfairness of it all, somehow you'll survive. We all do even in the worse of cases... like mine. It destroyed my family, destroyed my career and obliterated what would have been my retirement savings. I still live in my tiny little "starter house" at the age of 67, 35 years later, with a mortgage now 2-1/2 times what I originally paid for the house. Such is the twisted world of divorce and child support.

The good news is that I'm remarried now and looking forward to moving to a new property and new home where, God-willing, I won't have to deal with a crushing mortgage in retirement any longer.

 

[gman51]

My first wife went her way and I mine because she was running around. Two things if your atty hasn't already told you. 1. put ad in paper you are not responsible for her debts from now on. 2. many people don't realize it but during a divorce because of women's protection rights you can actually have your guns removed during the process of the divorce. it is best you get the guns temporarily put up somewhere away from your access. You don't even want a protection order put against you as that can mean instant removal of your guns and cancel your CC license.
I know on most gun forms it asks are you under a domestic protection order.
I am guessing if the woman was such an abusive person to you then you will not have to much of a problem mentally getting over her. I think you will feel like a heaviness lifted off your shoulders. Life is to short to be unhappy with anyone.
My wife tried getting me to adopt her daughter just before the divorce but I said no. If I had adopted the girl I would have gotten stuck with child support. The wife wanted that so she could get rid of her x.
My guess is you will meet someone and the x will be not a second thought to you. Be glad you didn't have any kids of your own to really throw a wrench into things.
My first marriage ended in divorce and the second one died. I have no intention of ever getting married again. I am to old to get into drama again. Living alone isn't all that great either though.

 

[JcMack]

Women are the ones that file for divorce 75-80% of the time (fact). The phrase "women change men don't" is the Gospel and should be taught in school. That would save men a lot of time and a bunch of money.
Resign yourself to the divorce and get it done as soon as you figure out what's fair and equitable. She won't fall off the face of the earth and maybe she'll realize one day she had a good man. I know people that divorced and re married the same person three times.
I just walked away from the whole mess after my divorce. After I moved to a new place it cost a ton of money just to buy kitchen stuff, a bed, and a T.V.. Make a list of stuff you want from the house and make a deal for it. You'll be glad you did.
Get a girlfriend.

 

[jimmyj]

Option #2: hire a "Hit Man"

 

[crankyoldlady]

In reality, it is a process of struggling through three divorces.

The emotional divorce.
The physical divorce.
The legal divorce.

You will grieve the death of the rest of your life as you had thought it was going to be. So expect to suffer physically, emotionally and spiritually. The longer the marriage the greater the attachment which compounds the sense of loss.

This, too, shall pass.

 

[DeathGrip]

I might be the female (the enemy) BUT do not get involved in the dating scene until you can put this to rest. My guess is your attorney already told you that. When you are ready do not get serious with someone who is recently divorced (or ended relationship.) Rebound relationships very seldom work. I know, I have been on both ends of them.

And what happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam.