It's all just stuff...

[Shrek Of The Arctic]

Read your post end to end. Echos personal experience of over 46 years as a pastor as well as my own shared family experience.

Let it go is good advice, the earlier the better. How? Corrie Ten Boom once was asked how she'd managed to get through all the terrible things that swept away her family and home. She replied, "I've learned to hold everything lightly." I.e., don't cling. Learned that lesson when I started burying family members... uncles and aunts at the start. Last were my mother, identical twin brother and my father. There was very little left by my mother. My brother, his wife threw almost all his gun stuff in the trash. I dumped it all in the trunk of a 82 Plymouth Fury III. Filled it. Sorted the ammo, etc. Sold it. I bought everything that didn't sell. She and the kids needed the money.

My father, his death really hammered us all. He had very little beyond some old cars and shop tools and two very small 1,000 sq.ft. houses. Sadly, it was the bottom of the housing crash. Very few offers. My SIL insisted all be auctioned. Told her no. Had them appraised. Gave her full 1/3 for everything. Gave my younger brother my part of the best house. That guaranteed he and his family would always have a roof over their heads. Sold him the shop and tools for $5.00. Helped him get back on his feet. Little over 20 years later, thankful to have handled things rightly. SIL went through the money. Could not get her to listen.

SIL was convinced that my father had money hidden in the house. Pulled up the carpet, etc. By the time I'd covered 130 miles, she'd gone through everything. She found nothing. We found an attache case hanging from a coat hanger in the bedroom closet. In it was the will, etc. making me executor. In it was some private papers, wedding certificate, etc. Also a little white box in which was found my mother's wedding ring and a note that it was to go to my wife who had spent over 20 years helping her. My SIL was not happy. Found the double-eagle pin given to her by the Central Ga. Council of the BSA when my identical-twin brother and I earned and were awarded our Eagle Scout pins one Sunday morning following the morning worship service. Found all the merit badge cards, sashes. No longer carry the card since it is getting fragile. Was given my father's knife which I had given him back in 2000. It's not going anywhere. Hope to God have not offended anyone by this ramble. Sincerely. bruce.

Hold everything lightly. Good advice.

I truly appreciate your "ramble" It's well considered and well stated.

 

[Onomea]

I agree that most of us have too much stuff. When we see people having garage sales I comment on how the American Way seems to be to fill the garage to the brim with stuff and then hold a garage sale to get rid of all the junk.

But, I also want to say that nice stuff deserves respect.

I don't admire the guy in the first post who throws a $6K rifle out the back door as a lesson to his wife that it is all "just stuff." To me that seems disrespectful to a fine rifle, and I also suspect the rifle was thrown in a fit of pique that was later rationalized as a moral lesson about the pitfalls of materialism.

I also have things, objects, that while not particularly nice or valuable have meaning to me, and that I treasure. Like a pair of needle nose pliers my mother gave me for Christmas around 1980. Or, a 1930s no name edition of the collected works of Rudyard Kipling that belonged to my father, that I read as I sat beside his bed as he lay dying, and that I later gave as a remembrance to my second son.

On the other hand, I don't think stuff is worth arguing about among siblings in terms of who gets what when a parent passes. No arguments among us four when the time came. We took turns choosing stuff, and if someone deeply wanted something, they got it.

It's just stuff, after all..

 

[Bald1]

I agree. I've been single all my life and have a bunch of toys. A summer car in my avatar, a big touring motorcycle, 7 revolvers, 3 rifles. In fact my entire house is a NY Jets man cave. I'm all set!

Rick

NY Jets!?!?!?!?! Damn I thought we could be friends. Your way to close to Buffalo to be a Jets fan.

 

[pharmer]

I hate this topic. I too have too much stuff and when I cleaned out 2 houses and moved to St Cloud years back, I took almost 5 tons (well, that's how much they charged me for) to the dump and I still have stuff. I'm trying to get rid of more but it's difficult. This year I sold 5 guns for a total of $5K. What did I do with the cash? I sent it to my son who needs it way more than me (Colorado is a very expensive place). My wife asks why I send him so much money. I have a savings account, what am I saving for? At 72 there ain't anything I need or even want. I get enough in retirement every month to live well, everything is paid for. Point is, as the great Marcus Aurelius began many of his meditations: "Soon, you will be dead. And those that mourn you will go in their turn." I have wealthy friends and they are prisoners of their stuff. Joe

 

['79 Magnum GT]

NY Jets!?!?!?!?! Damn I thought we could be friends. Your way to close to Buffalo to be a Jets fan.

I'm been a Jets fan since before you were born probably. And it is a curse to be that close to Buffalo. lol

 

[Golddollar]

On the other hand, I don't think stuff is worth arguing about among siblings in terms of who gets what when a parent passes. No arguments among us four when the time came. We took turns choosing stuff, and if someone deeply wanted something, they got it.

I'm happy to say that this is what happened with my siblings and I after my dad died. Pop had a decent gun collection. A question I sometimes asked my brother (the Trustee/Executor) was if our sister was getting enough. But she only wanted the proceeds from the sale of one antique gun as her share, and she got every dime. I picked out several guns that I had a known connection with. I can't remember what my brother selected for himself, and the rest went to auction with the proceeds shared among all of us.

I picked out some of my dad's coats and shirts to wear. Certainly not much monetary value there but it means something to have some of my dad's things.

 

[pharmer]

I agree. I've been single all my life and have a bunch of toys.
Rick

What kind of a man are you. I have twice found a woman I hate, bought her a house and lost half my stuff on the way out. When the judge in family court says: "Joe, you are SOL again!" You know you are at the top of the mountain Just passed 15 years with #3, so far, so good. At least now if I lose half my stuff it will make the job of parting with it much easier. Joe

 

['79 Magnum GT]

What kind of a man are you. I have twice found a woman I hate, bought her a house and lost half my stuff on the way out. When the judge in family court says: "Joe, you are SOL again!" You know you are at the top of the mountain Just passed 15 years with #3, so far, so good. At least now if I lose half my stuff it will make the job of parting with it much easier. Joe

I'm a man that has all his stuff and NEVER gets nagged about anything. I can do what I want when I want. OK?

Rick

 

[greenwellg]

The wife's family is all I have left and that's fine with me. I am comfortable and the two surviving brothers and I have an understanding. If we never see each other again that is fine. Pop asked me to clean out the garage after Mom died and I did. I organized it so it could be sold easily and then I was locked out. We moved from a big house I had built and she bought a condo with her money. I garage sold almost everything and donated the rest and we moved from 2500 square feet to 1600, from a 705 square foot garage to one that we don't even park our cars in. I have a new small Honda 150 CC on-off road bike and a new Prius bought and paid for and we have no debt. She knows where to take my guns to be sold if she goes before me and considering my current health, when she asked her daughters if I could live in her condo if she goes first, they told her I would probably outlive THEM.
I guess it's like the movie The Green Mile. I'll be 75 in 3 months and the cat is 5. I wonder which one of us will go first. but not in any hurry to find out. I'm still dreaming of seeing my machine (patent expired) actually become something that might affect the future of civilization, but if not I gave it a good effort.
I played pickleball for almost 3 hours today, had a great time with great people. One friend, an ex F15 pilot calls me a medical miracle in good humor. I guess I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing until I can not do it anymore,
I have what I need and live an honest life with no real regrets.

 

[Autonomous]

Where to start.
I grew up with nothing and abhor waste. Not a hoarder* as everything is actually useable and there is room for it without stacking. I could sell a bunch of stuff but don't need the money and hate dealing with people buyers. I have gotten rid of some guns and the wife has sold her inherited sterling silver tableware that has only melt value.
* Well... Between my wife and I we have eight small boats, all in good shape. Only one outboard though.

 

[The Big D]

As we “speak” I am in the midst of a purge of household stuff. Never considered myself a hoarder yet the ongoing results suggest otherwise. Have dump trailer sitting outside. Just finished replacing the roof on my sister’s carport and needed the trailer for old shingles and stuff. So relocated the trailer (it’s a big one) to my house and started 2 weeks ago. Have tossed more stuff than I realized I had.

Had unopened boxes from my move 19 years ago. GONE now.

Lotsa cool/nice/collectible (really) stuff remains and will be conveyed to friends BEFORE my dirt nap so I can share their enjoyment. Daresay some will be surprised and happy.

Be safe.

 

[Crazywader]

Recently someone very close to me passed away. He lived in a rented house and I was tasked with clearing all his stuff out. Friends and family got some of it. We managed to sell a little. But honestly, about 80% of it went either to charity or straight to the garbage.
Its amazing how much stuff we accumulate and believe we just can't live without only to find that its useless to anybody else.

Heard this recently and trying to embrace it:

Use things not people
Love people not things

 

[Golddollar]

My late aunt and uncle who lived 4 blocks from me were married for 63 years. Do you know how much stuff can be accumulated in 63 years when you were raised in a mindset that everything should be saved? My cousins came up to the house week after week to clean out the house. Seeing what my cousins had to do gave me some spark toward trying to shake down my house, but I seem to get stalled.

 

[dmn57]

My sister and I cleaned out my parents house a couple of years ago after they went into assisted living. The basement was like an archaeological dig going back layer by layer through 50 years of stuff. Some was donated, even less was kept, and the bulk of it went in the dumpster. It was a shame the trip down memory lane ended at the landfill, but most of the cherished items they hadn't seen in decades wasn't really worth keeping.

 

[Grimjaws]

I'm been a Jets fan since before you were born probably. And it is a curse to be that close to Buffalo. lol

Jets fan! That’s an understatement. He was nice enough to share some photos of his collection with me. Let me fix that for you..

“I’ve been a Jets FANATIC…”

 

['79 Magnum GT]

Jets fan! That’s an understatement. He was nice enough to share some photos of his collection with me. Let me fix that for you..

“I’ve been a Jets FANATIC…”

Thank you Grimjaws!

Rick

 

[Phenix]

I've been spending the last few months of my life helping care for my wife's side of the family. Her Father is in very poor health and speeding down the dementia freeway down in Texas. Struggling to get her four sisters to agree and help with his care is nigh impossible. The only thing they seem to care about is wanting all of daddy's money which, if it ever existed have long ago been gambled away in the casinos. Her Sister here in Alaska is at end of life care for cancer. Additionally at work, I'm posted in the prison infirmary, which is pretty much where inmates come to die. We had one die a few months ago who died screaming for help, because he couldn't get past the locked doors. Other officers were amused and inferred he was talking about the prison doors. I took the doors he was struggling with on an entirely different more religious perspective that is still affecting me. Suffice to say, dying and dying well has been a frequently pondered topic for me lately.

The Sister in Law is twice widowed, and has been pretty much poor all her life. Consequently, she's a bit of a hoarder, and incredibly attached to what few baubles and trinkets she owns. She is currently spending her days blown out of her mind on pain pills, and complaining about us "Trying to run her life" and steal all her precious valuables. She does not in the least understand the trust process, and every penny she does get, she tries to hoard in her house so no one will likely find it. I think her cremation and wake are gunna be out of our pockets, while she's hoarding thousands Heaven only knows where. I guess I'm not so naive as to expect attaboys and pats on the head for taking care of family and end of life care, but I didn't expect it to be such a kick in the painful spots either.

The other day while my wife and I were discussing it I told my wife "She better learn to let go of her darn trinkets and baubles, or she ain't ever gunna leave this Earth cause she'll be too attached to that stuff!" She is leaving a Colt 1911 to my son, and I warned him he better take good care of it, or she'll likely still be around to whup him if he don't.

All this brought to mind a conversation I had with a friend back when I was working the oilfields. He is an amazing outdoorsman and a guide here in Alaska. He's hunted much of the world and hosted other hunters from around the world on successful hunts. He's deeply religious and devoted to his family.

We were talking about guns, knives, and outdoor stuff in general. As for myself, I know I have an eye for neat shiny (And sometimes no so shiny) things. Old guns, nice knives, etc. are easy examples to name. I know it's a bit of a weakness of mine, which I think may have lead him to the story he told me. I'm re-telling it as a para-phrase, cause it was many years ago, and though I remember the sentiment like it was yesterday, there are specifics long forgotten.

He had been working outside all day and came in for a lunch. Basically to make a sandwich, heat up a can of soup, etc. When he entered the kitchen, he found his wife...in a mood. She had just burned the Birthday cake she had been baking for one of the kids. Their Birthday party was gunna be in a few hours, and she was feeling the pressure. She vented to him about her dilemma while he was making his lunch and he calmly shrugged his shoulders and told her "So...just..bake another cake... or go buy one...." This passive attitude was not the thing to placate an angry wife at that time. She started hollering at him about not caring about all these important things. She then pointed at a rifle in the corner and said "I bet you'd care if it was that stupid gun!"

Well....that stupid gun was....a custom built rifle worth about $6K or so. I wanna say it was a Remington action...maybe a Mauser 98. It had custom engraving, Circassian walnut stock, high end European scope. It had been gifted to him by someone he'd hosted on a Grizzly hunt, as I recall.

So, my friend stands up, picks up this rifle, and pulls the bolt from it. "This rifle?" he says? And then he steps onto his elevated back porch and flings it as far as he can into the gravel and the woods. She was devastated to see him do this to a rifle she knew he loved. He calmly sat down and without raising his voice told her "The cake...the rifle...it's all stuff. Just...stuff. It is not of the soul, not of the flesh. In the end, it means nothing"

His actions were...perhaps a bit extreme, but his point is well taken. I guess it comes to mind for me lately with the sister in law, making herself so much more miserable fretting about her stuff getting stolen when she's knocking at death's door. She does have some family valuables from their deceased mother that matters, but when she goes, most of her stuff is going to go into a dumpster or donated to charity. The house she's in will likely be leveled. The property MIGHT go to our kids, which is nice and what she said she wanted when she was more lucid, but there's a more likely chance it will go to the state. Especially since she isn't trusting or understanding and is downright fighting our efforts to make a will, a trust, and keep it in the family.

Additionally, I ponder the notion with my own collection of guns, knives, and outdoor stuff. This is especially after seeing a few fellow gun guys pass on, and what happens to their collections. I've rarely seen the kids wildly thankful for dad's favorite hunting rifle or wives that benefit greatly from the sales of other guns and peripherals. It happens, but not with the frequency. we'd hope to see. So, when I look at my collection these days, I wonder how many years of enjoyment I have left in these things. Whether they will become a burden to my family when I die, or whether they'll be appreciated by my own children. After all, it's just stuff. I think...?

I sometimes have similar thoughts.

 

[45Smashemflat]

Threads like this remind me of a conversation I overheard between my 88 year old Grandmother and a cousin of hers that was moving in to assisted living. The cousin was emptying her house and was asking my Grandmother if she wanted any of her nice old furniture or other things. My Grandmother told her no, and she seemed surprised. “Why don’t you want any of my things, they are very nice.” My Grandmother said very simply, “I don’t want anything in my house older than me.” I about fell off my chair.

Bottom line, I’ve had to clean out my parent’s home as well as my in-laws. As a reply above, my sister and I went through our parent’s stuff very amicably. I even forfeited some stocks my Dad had listed in his will for the Grandchildren (hers) but that he had never updated his beneficiaries on his accounts. (Note to others, if you didn’t know, beneficiaries on accounts, insurance, etc trumps whatever might be in a will.). My wife and I have been slowly selling, donating, and trashing a lot of our stuff due to this experience. If we have anything left to “leave” others, it will be things they have expressed interest in.

 

[pawncop]

I have been trying to develop the mindset to downsize. It has been difficult. I did recently give my grandson my grandfather’s Winchester model 67, single shot, 22 caliber rifle, making it his great great grandfather’s. It was the rifle I used to take my first jackrabbit when I was about 12 years old.

Posts like this one helps me to remember it is only stuff.

 

[bigggbbruce]

When they load you on the gurney after you call 911.

They don't ask what stuff do you want to bring.