Hornady XTP are very good. If you can find them, Speer Gold Dot are an excellent alternative with a more rounded ogive for better feeding. The maximum OAL is less for an hollow point than for FMJ bullets. I load XTPs to an OAL of 1.230" (FMJ to 1.260"), otherwise they may lodge in the rifling if the throat is short (e.g., Kahr PM45 and Springfield XDs). A "plunk" test with a dismounted barrel should pass if the bullet doesn't stick, even a little, if pressed into the chamber with your thumb.
Prosecutors or the plaintiff's lawyers in a civil suit can try anything, but a good defense lawyer could easily dismiss allegations that your handloads were especially deadly. Commercial SD ammunition is loaded much hotter than most would dare when hand loading. Police carry hollow points to minimize the chance of over penetration, not necessarily because they are more deadly.
Commercial ammunition is preferred for self defense because it performs better and is arguably more reliable.