another lawyer joke

[wheelgun1958]

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.

The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

 

[msgdan]

Lawyer Joke

Lets see if I can remember how these go:

A man is walking through a cemetery and reading all the old headstones. He comes upon one that says, Here lies Joe Smith, a lawyer and an honest man. He thinks to himself, how about that, three guys in one grave!

Why don't lawyers worry about sharks when swimming? Sharks won't bite lawyers out of professional courtesy.

 

[feralmerril]

Whats black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.

 

[Onomea]

Famous law firm: Dewie, Cheatam & Howe.

 

[nicky4968]

What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?

The lawyers can take off their wingtips.

 

[feralmerril]

I heard here or somewhere else that copper wire was invented by two lawyers fighting over the last penney.

 

[Capt Steve]

What is the difference between a lawyer and a pimp? The pimp dresses better.

 

[ingmansinc]

My brother-in-law is a lawyer and he resembles, uh resents, this kind of humor.

 

[Airpark]

Seems they were looking to conduct a very critical test and needed test subject. Their choice was between lawyers and rats....they chose rats....because there are some things that rats simply will no do.

 

[Airpark]

Read a very interesting book about lawyers entitled, "The Terrible Truth About Lawyers" Author was a very famous lawyer.

In it he said lawyers have three choices in everything they do:

1. LEAST IMPORTANT...Attorney-Client...you may think you are first on his mind but you are NOT.

2. NEXT IN IMPORTANCE...Attorney-to-Attorney...This guy I am up against is a dolt...shall I cream him or wait until after the trial and have a drink with him.

3. MOST IMPORTANT...Attorney-Judge....D@mn this judge is dumb. He has no idea how this should go or what to do. Shall I "show him the law"...NO, I'll be up in front of him again someday and then I will have no chance at all.

 

[Joni_Lynn]

Thanks, I enjoyed them.

 

[Engineer1911]

On the battlefield of the shop manufacturing floor; engineers are fighting the battle to achieve a successful profit, Accountants are busily bayoneting the wounded, and Lawyers are stripping the bodies.

 

[WaterburyBob]

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

 

[pawncop]

Second reason lawyers have replaced mice in lab experiments - now more lawyers than mice.

Third reason lawyers have replaced mice in lab experiments - staff does not get as emotionally attached to lawyers than mice.

 

[1/2 fast]

Why are there so many toxic waste dumps in New Jersey while California has so many lawyers??????




New Jersey got first pick

 

[yashua-p]

Ninty nine percent of Lawyers make the rest of them look bad.


yashua

 

[jkc]

Two lawyers are walking side by side down the sidewalk when a shapely and beautiful young woman steps out of a storefront just ahead of them. One lawyer nudges the other with his elbow and asks, "How'd you like to screw her?"

"Out of what...?"

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

Read a very interesting book about lawyers entitled, "The Terrible Truth About Lawyers" Author was a very famous lawyer.

In it he said lawyers have three choices in everything they do:

1. LEAST IMPORTANT...Attorney-Client...you may think you are first on his mind but you are NOT.

2. NEXT IN IMPORTANCE...Attorney-to-Attorney...This guy I am up against is a dolt...shall I cream him or wait until after the trial and have a drink with him.

3. MOST IMPORTANT...Attorney-Judge....D@mn this judge is dumb. He has no idea how this should go or what to do. Shall I "show him the law"...NO, I'll be up in front of him again someday and then I will have no chance at all.

.......................
Can't say nuthin'

 

[Bucco]

What do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean in cement boots?


A start.....