I've decided that a 38 snubby is wrong for me, because the recoil of the .38 special +p is too much out of a 2 inch barrel, plus I wouldn't be getting true defensive .38 ballistics. Also nothing beats that sweet K frame trigger.
There's much to ballistics beyond barrel length; what matters most is matching the right round with the right gun -- do that and ballistics are attended to.
Some think that more barrel length and more "boom" will make for a defensively superior round. Not so. An example: many shooters presume more velocity is automatically better -- it isn't; the right velocity for a particular bullet is what matters. Not enough and you won't get reliable expansion, true, but too much velocity and you expand too soon and fail to adequately penetrate.
So you can get true defensive .38 ballistics from a variety of barrel lengths, provided the defensive round is well chosen.
Is it possible that when you say the .38+P recoils too much out of a 2" barrel that you mean from a J-frame 2"? Each person's hand has differences in felt recoil, but to me the heft of the K's frame swallows the majority of the recoil, and the barrel length is secondary; I don't feel that much difference between a 2", 3" or 4" inch K-frame until you get to the heavy-barreled 4". But yes, a 2" J-frame is a different thing altogether, recoil-wise.
If we are in fact confusing snubby J and K-frames, that would also explain why you say you're not interested in a .38 snubby because you don't want to miss out on the sweet K-frame triggers -- it's the same trigger on any K-frame regardless of barrel length; you wouldn't miss out on it whichever length you chose within the K-frame family, 2" and up.
If you're thinking of a shoulder rig, I'll presume you're planning on concealed carry. Bottom line is I think you'll find a 4" K-frame cumbersome to carry, open or concealed, but especially concealed. Strongly suggest you consider the 2.5" Model 19 or 66, and 2" or 3" Models 10, 13, 64 and 65.