Because,
Then they go out with the scoundrels and rogues.
Then they go out with the scoundrels and rogues.
Can someone explain this to me?
- Thread starter Art Doc
- Start date
keith44spl
Member
He be clay...For the potter's wheel.
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OP
Art Doc
SWCA Member, Absent Comrade
Involved party is a relative. Even if not, I have every right to question or comment on what I see going on right in front of me. I'm not trying to talk anyone out of anything. I will not try to interfere. I will not express my opinion to anyone in the family unless -maybe- if asked. I was just curious if anyone had any ideas why this happens.
I like the control idea. She may see this man as someone who would be totally dependent on her. Loyal to her out of necessity. She's has the power and the money putting her in charge and she likes it that way. She's domineering and needs a subservient mate.
I could see that.
I like the control idea. She may see this man as someone who would be totally dependent on her. Loyal to her out of necessity. She's has the power and the money putting her in charge and she likes it that way. She's domineering and needs a subservient mate.
I could see that.
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Let me guess .... she's the younger..... can cook .... clean and ............well you know......you love her.....she loves you and you've given her a better life than she ever expected.................. 31 years ago!!
And she's given you a better life than you deserve...........
Rocksprings
Member
The answer to your question; STUPID
Bajadoc
US Veteran
She does not believe she deserves better. She has low self esteem. Do not take that as an insult. Many intelligent driven women do not see them selves as such. Media images of women are idealized. Some young women take it upon them selves to live up to those idealized images. Some otherwise good men are threatened by driven intellegent women and all that is left are the losers. She has to step back. Complete her education and begin a career. Any man who deserves a good woman will be more than willing to wait for her and assist in any way possible. Any young man who spends nine years on his parents couch is not worth a you know what.
All you need is love. Love is all you need.
Jack Flash
Member
I can only speak from experience that I gained a long time ago to not to give advice on relationships. Dear Abby I am not.
There are two possible outcomes. She breaks up with the guy and later regrets it. This is your fault since you poisoned the relationship, the love of her life, with your interference. OR, she goes through with it and after years of disappointment and heartache, doesn't want to speak with you since "you told her so".
Note that I'm not giving advice here, just saying how I learned to keep my mouth shut. People are going to do what they want to do, then when it goes wrong, look for someone to blame.
There are two possible outcomes. She breaks up with the guy and later regrets it. This is your fault since you poisoned the relationship, the love of her life, with your interference. OR, she goes through with it and after years of disappointment and heartache, doesn't want to speak with you since "you told her so".
Note that I'm not giving advice here, just saying how I learned to keep my mouth shut. People are going to do what they want to do, then when it goes wrong, look for someone to blame.
cussedemgun
Member
Men & wimmen see a possible relation differently
As they stand in front of the preacher to take their marriage vows, she is thinking:
I know I can change him, I will save him
He is thinking: BOY, she is perfect, I hope she never changes!
First, she doesn't, second, she does.
There is a "nurturing instinct" all females are born with. A need to cuddle the helpless, no matter what their age. You see it early on with all children, little girls cuddle their dolls while little boys are pulling the wings off bugs or stabbing frogs.
Physical attraction is a strong factor for both male & female, but from that point on, personal emotion takes a front step over reason. That's when the hidden instincts take over.
As they stand in front of the preacher to take their marriage vows, she is thinking:
I know I can change him, I will save him
He is thinking: BOY, she is perfect, I hope she never changes!
First, she doesn't, second, she does.
There is a "nurturing instinct" all females are born with. A need to cuddle the helpless, no matter what their age. You see it early on with all children, little girls cuddle their dolls while little boys are pulling the wings off bugs or stabbing frogs.
Physical attraction is a strong factor for both male & female, but from that point on, personal emotion takes a front step over reason. That's when the hidden instincts take over.
jlrhiner
US Veteran
HEY!!! Don't blow it for the rest of us deadbeats!!!
Rastoff
US Veteran
Taking divorce this lightly will guarantee it. Yes, you should let it worry you.
If this is someone you care about, you should involve yourself.
I would like to pose a different idea. The one thing that hasn't been discussed is desperation. Everyone, men and women included, reaches a point of despair in our lives. There is a point when we think, "If I don't keep this one, I'll never be able to find another." It doesn't matter who it is, we all have that thought. Some earlier in life and some later. Thus, we choose the one we're with.
She could simply be choosing him because he's the one she already has. It might have nothing at all to do with nurturing or control. It might, but I don't think so.
Regardless of the real reasons, it's your responsibility to mention what you see to her. If you care, how can you do otherwise?
klondike
Member
Long ago I worked with a beautiful girl who started to date the son of my supervisor who I had known since high school. This guy was trouble with a capital T. I took the girl aside and explained the problems that were coming her way. She said, that she will change him.
Flash forward 25 years and I bump into them at a basketball game. They were still married and she did change him. You never know. Some of the perfect couples that I have known never make it a year.
Flash forward 25 years and I bump into them at a basketball game. They were still married and she did change him. You never know. Some of the perfect couples that I have known never make it a year.
rog8732
US Veteran
I can pass on an old man's gained knowledge about females; which frankly doesn't scratch the surface.
"A woman's love; is like the morning dew; as soon to fall on a horse turde as a rose".
"A woman's love; is like the morning dew; as soon to fall on a horse turde as a rose".
I kinda did that with my first wife. It was a mistake and many told me. Took me 5 months to realize the difference 'tween love and lust. Needless to say I didn't keep her. Thank Goodness. The one I am married to now(just celebrated 45 yrs 10 days ago) has been my best friend for all those years. Surprisingly many don't understand that sentiment.
model70hunter
Member
Gender, reason nor intellect is the choice maker. It is based on needs and wants, many are masked by trivia, love, need to control or change. Thinking while under the spell of emotion.
Many people are doomed to fail in a relationship due to one main cause, failure to think logically.
I know it burns, been there, I have kids. Choice was theirs, advice form Dad? No. What goes around comes around, I did not listen to my Mom, who was right.
It is not healthy for us to sit and burn on others choices. It is an endless stream of drama. My wife and I refuse to participate in some things after being asked for advice, failure to follow advice and asked for more advice which usually has $ attached.
I know you are a smart fella Saxon, I've read you have a Phd in literature, I have a Phd in communication management. So here we are buddy, the wordsmith and the talk to each other philosopher, what can we do? Nothing. It is simply failure to reason by others in a manner we expect when graded by our personal values. I think I just said our expectations is really the subject at hand that is failing.
Reason is a word stuck in many laws.
Reason is slippery and tricky. Even within reason legally may only mean reason to the applicable one. And oft it is skewed.
Once Sig Freud was asked something about his wife of many years. He said something like, I don't know, I've tried to figure it out for many years.
Freud might say it best, actions of others can't be figured out.
Just move on, nothing to see here.
P.S. Don't grade my English Lit as I guarantee I will fail your expectations.
Many people are doomed to fail in a relationship due to one main cause, failure to think logically.
I know it burns, been there, I have kids. Choice was theirs, advice form Dad? No. What goes around comes around, I did not listen to my Mom, who was right.
It is not healthy for us to sit and burn on others choices. It is an endless stream of drama. My wife and I refuse to participate in some things after being asked for advice, failure to follow advice and asked for more advice which usually has $ attached.
I know you are a smart fella Saxon, I've read you have a Phd in literature, I have a Phd in communication management. So here we are buddy, the wordsmith and the talk to each other philosopher, what can we do? Nothing. It is simply failure to reason by others in a manner we expect when graded by our personal values. I think I just said our expectations is really the subject at hand that is failing.
Reason is a word stuck in many laws.
Reason is slippery and tricky. Even within reason legally may only mean reason to the applicable one. And oft it is skewed.
Once Sig Freud was asked something about his wife of many years. He said something like, I don't know, I've tried to figure it out for many years.
Freud might say it best, actions of others can't be figured out.
Just move on, nothing to see here.
P.S. Don't grade my English Lit as I guarantee I will fail your expectations.
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finesse_r
Member
My guess is she is allergic to dogs, doesn’t like cats, and wanted a pet, not a husband. Either that or that boy has a hidden talent that you don't know about.
gman51
Member
I say if you want to know about the person you are interested in then check out their parents relationship. People usually take on as normal that which they grew up seeing in their parents. I have seen this to be true quite often. Could be her mom was the provider and ran the household during her childhood.
Also love is often blind. IMO that is why marriages have a 50/50 chance of lasting. Many relationships begin with lust which we know is a poor reason to jump in and buy rings. LOL How many people have sex before they even know each others birthday?
Also love is often blind. IMO that is why marriages have a 50/50 chance of lasting. Many relationships begin with lust which we know is a poor reason to jump in and buy rings. LOL How many people have sex before they even know each others birthday?
Good sense? Thanks! I've got to show this to Mrs. swsig. I keep telling her I have good sense!
Anyway, to answer your question, I grew up in the '50s and was influenced by the very pragmatic and common sense attitudes of the adults in my life. Though few of them had been to college, they always seemed to think things through and reach conclusions based on logic and reason rather than blind ideology. After going through the Depression and WWII, they'd seen enough of demagoguery and ideological extremists, and preferred to think for themselves. I guess that rubbed off on me, because I've always been a pretty independent thinker.
And you're right about grad school, especially when I went in the '60s. Fortunately, whenever things got too weird, I was able to adopt an Eric Cartman attitude ("Screw you guys, I'm going home.") that kept me focused and on task.
Finally, as my tag line indicates, a subscription to MAD Magazine helped.
GatorFarmer
Member
Why don't you ask her? Maybe the guy has the soul of a poet or something. Or perhaps he is just not very bright, nor ambitious, and knows his place. A dull sluggard homebody can be trained to at least take care of the house. I suggest a cattleprod as a wedding gift
