Closing out an Estate

[Ματθιας]

Earlier this year posted a thread about my Aunt closing out my Uncle's estate. He wasn't married and my Aunt is the last remaining sibling. My Aunt was supposed to close out, but things took a turn.

I didn't want to get involved, after talking to my Aunt over that last few months, it became clear that nothing was getting done, unless something changed. That change was/is me.

My aunt lives 3 hours away in Texas and is in her mid 80s. I don't know what happened, but everyone who tried to help, she accused them of stealing. I don't think that's the case, but that's what my Aunt was telling me. After talking to my Aunt some more, she was saying she was stressed and wished all of the non-sense with the estate would go away. I found out that she had alienated everyone in TX.

So, I called the real estate guy and asked where things were and if I could do anything to help. Turns out nothing had been done since my Aunt's step daughter set everything up back in February. Nothing and nobody had been paid. The real estate guy put me on a 3 way call with probate attorney and they both asked me if I wanted to be personal representative to get things moving and close everything out.

Both of them, the real estate guy and the probate attorney, told me everything had been set up, I just needed to sign paperwork and see everything through. I agreed, reluctantly, to help.

I asked my Aunt if she wanted me to take over, and to my surprise, she said yes. So, I sent her the legal paperwork with stickies and arrows pointing where she needed to sign. It took me 10 minutes over the phone to tell her where to sign - that's when I realized that she might be at the beginning stages of dementia - which could explain the paranoia - speculation on my part.

I became the Personal Representative at the beginning of June. The probate attorney told me he'd get me through all, but that it'd a bit of a challenge because of what had happened before I took over. He wasn't kidding. The good thing is, I have a fairly good relationship with the step daughter and she gave me a good idea of what she had done before the falling out. I found out that everything was co-mingled and what had happened to the relationship between my aunt and her. Mind you, I don't have any paperwork, not even a death certificate, just the paperwork naming me PR.

I think that's why my aunt trusts me, I don't have access to anything.

Then family got involved. My second cousin found out I was the PR and that the house was soon to be for sale. I'd never met her before. I told her to go through the real estate guy and that I wasn't getting involved with the negotiations. I also told her that my responsibility is to the estate - and that I take my commitments and responsibilities seriously.

I talked to the real estate guy and told him about my cousin and he said, she's plan A. She'll get first shot before the house goes on the market - as long as it's a decent offer. Plan B is to blow out the house, as is.

Long story short, she made a low ball offer 60% of the asking price. I asked my aunt if she wanted to sell, she said no at that price come up a little more or get everything we can when the house goes on the market. If my cousin had made a counter offer of 10% more, I'd have agreed to sell it. No counter offer, house goes on the market. Of course, I'm the bad guy.

Plan B, the house went on the market, it didn't last 6 hours before we got an offer, 10% off asking price. The best part, they agreed to haul away all of the junk. Done Done and Done! House flippers bought it.

Then there's the estate account, house sale money and being vetted by the banks.

I'm doing this flying by the seat of my pants.

I did find out a few things, about people. I always get asked what I'm getting out of all of this, I say just I'm trying to get my aunt out from under all this. They give me this look like I'm speaking a foreign language. They ask me what my fee is, it never occurred to me to ask for one. I wouldn't even know what's appropriate to ask. It seems like their attitude changed toward me. It's tough to explain.

Now that the house is gone, I'm trying to find out where/what the finances are. That's a mess in and of itself.

My uncle retired from the federal government, I'm also trying to find out about his retirement.

Hopefully we can get this closed out by Labor Day.

 

[TX-Dennis]

All I'm going to say is GOOD LUCK!

 

[JeffD607]

I wish you the best of luck! I just went through this myself. My father passed away and I was Executor. That was about a 3 year process. After he passed away, we noticed that he was doing a great job of hiding my step-mother's dementia. Now I end up as her POA and executor and she had two daughters, the good one and the evil one. The good one wanted nothing to do with the finances and we followed the will to the letter. The evil daughter just sat back, did nothing, collected her share of the money, and criticized. It's a "NO WIN" situation!

 

[mckenney99]

Good luck and be prepared to be snubbed by every member of the family. When estates are involved it seems like normally friendly family turn into money grubbing heathens. God bless you for taking this task on.
I was the Executor for my dad's and then my mom's estate. Luckily everything was spelled out in clear, concise legal wills, all the ducks were in a row and I made everything as transparent as I possibly could. Even then, the estate/probate case has to be kept open long enough for all outstanding bills/claims to come in and be paid before distributions should be made. I apparently didn't settle mom's estate and make the final distributions quickly enough for my brother because after he got his check, he never spoke to me again. (Really sad because he was the one sibling I had always been the closest to.)

 

[DixieRanger]

Trying to 'do the right thing' can be tuff but when you look at the man in the mirror you'll know. Thankless but you'll know.

 

[greenwellg]

The surviving 3 brothers, me and two younger ones will probably have nothing to do with me permanently and that suits me just fine. Never saw a will or any of my fathers keepsakes. Two Morons didn't even have the decency to tell me my mother had died until my wife and I WENT THERE TO SEE HER 4 days after she passed!!!
Pop passed 7 months later. The Morons then decided when he was dying of chronic pneumonia they needed to give him oxygen and breathing therapy, which kept him alive for 4 MORE days gasping for air once every two seconds 43,200 breaths a day of TORTURE, in total defiance of his DNR document from 40 years earlier and I was the only one of 4 who even had a copy.
I found his crew photo and the family photo album on the floor of their garage in a $%^&*( flood plain as well as his University of Virginia Diploma!!!!!!
That was the end of my "family".

 

[JMD999]

I didn't want to get involved, after talking to my Aunt over that last few months, it became clear that nothing was getting done, unless something changed. That change was/is me.

Your a good man! Big heaven points for that. you saw her situation and knew someone needed to step in. Thanks for stepping up!

 

[Golddollar]

Believe me, you are to be commended for stepping up to take care of this estate. When I was working I reviewed a lot of estates and saw a lot of conflicts within families. Even when families get along fabulously there is just a lot of work that has to be done. I watched my cousins have to deal with two estates when my aunt and uncle who lived near me died within 5 months of each other. Do you know how much stuff two Depression babies accumulate after 63 years of marriage?

I am certainly no spring chicken now, and from watching how hard my cousins had to work I'm trying to clear out my house a bit and trying to get my affairs organized to make it easier on whoever administers my estate.

 

[jscheck]

Very good of you to step in! I truly hope it doesn’t go too badly for you. Estates seem to bring out the worst in people!

 

[JMD999]

My uncle retired from the federal government, I'm also trying to find out about his retirement.

Most of us opt for "spousal support" at retirement, which means she would still get about 70%ish of his monthly retirement check.
( the wife would have had to sign off on this if he chose not to do it)

 

[pharmer]

Estates seem to bring out the worst in people!

I've seen "dead people's money" bring out the worst in folks a couple dozen times in my lifetime. Even if it's $100, 2 people will fight over "who gets what share." Joe

 

[cowboy94916]

My condolances I can feel your pain. I helped my friends widow, dispose of his gun collection and business. It was an eye opening experience. Some of his so called friends, tried to take advantage of the situation, offering pennies on the dollar.They would try an end around me, going to the wife and getting upset with me when she said no. Lukily, my friend had told his wife to trust my judgement,.He had told her to seek me out, because I had promised him I would help her get the most we could for his stuff.
The same thing happened when the executor of another frriends estate asked me to help him with the guns for our buddy. The executor knew cars, I knew guns and we woked together on what we didn't know. All the proceeds went to charities we knew he would approve of.
The worst experience was the family estate my sister and I were co-executors. My dad's instructions were to convert everything to cash and divide it equally between the nine. Well to start the initial trust was messed up, which we luckily caught before he passed (they had the 2 of us inheriting everything). After that we held an auction with, siblings getting first shot, then grandkids, followed by great grandkids, anything left went to goodwill.
That is when i saw insanity in full bloom. Three of the girls bid up a $100 table to close to $600 when we told them one ast bid each sold for $1000. It was all about spite. One brother went tilt and called us up screaming incoherantly (he owed the estate a lot of money). The second youngest sister decidd, she had o buy everything. Three, couldn't accept the auction and felt they should pick what they wanted. I could go on and on. At one point, my wife stopped me from mailing the other 7 a letter explaining that, as far as the executors felt, they could all visit hades.
Then after all the dust settled,and they all got their checks. 4 years later my middle sister calls us and asks, where is the documentation on the receipts and the payout. She had never opened her mouth, when it was going on. She had been provided a summary and had access to sold price on all auctioned items and been given a list of what went to good will. She said we had not been transparent. My co-executor went tilt, as she had assembled all the paperwork. The boys still speak regularly Four of the six sisters are close but do things to irritate the other two at every turn. Needless to say my parents are spinnning in their grave over all the stupidity. Me it just makes me sad. But life is what it is.
I am the oldest so I try to keep in contact with all.
Sorry for being so long winded but the topic hit a nerve and i needed to vent,

 

[greenwellg]

The wife asked me about a survivors benefit from her retirement. "What does that cost?"
"It takes away 40% of my benefit"
I said "fogedaboutit".
That was 18 years ago in Nov of 2025.
Let's see $1200x12= $14400 a year for 18 years
$14400X18=$259,200
She paid $235,000 for the condo we live in now IN HER NAME
I homeless

 

[LVSteve]

Matt, best of luck to you.

Some of you better brace yourselves. To me, there is a point that when crossed, people are not family any more, regardless of the legal relationship. I've been watching venomous activity in one arm of my extended family for decades, and maybe it is a good thing I have not been resident in the UK. Between the vindictive behavior and the apologists saying "but you cannot give up on family", my blood pressure couldn't take it.

 

[ameridaddy]

Being an executor/personal representative to settle an estate can be trying, first meeting the timelines for the registrar of wills' various required postings and filings, sorting through the possible chaos of finances and tangible personal property, and last but not least, dealing with family while faithfully executing the deceased's last wishes. I've found that when money is involved, almost inevitably it brings out the previously unknown me-first vulture in some family members.
I recommend you stand firm and polite that you are following the law, lock up everything you can and let no one into any property - house, car, sheds - nothing, until you are ready to make distribution. There may be pleading, cajoling, arguing, cursing and gnashing of teeth to "let me have," "just a look," "he wanted me to have," etc. Stand firm and polite, keep good records, and communicate often in writing to all interested parties.
It's possible you may become like an umpire - the most hated person on the field. This too shall pass, and the good family members will thank you for doing a good and fair job on a sometimes difficult task.
BTW, most wills will state that as executor, you are entitled to reimbursement for expenses such as travel, postage etc. and compensation for your work, which you can take or decline as you wish. In the states where I have been executor, the max compensation allowed is a percentage, set by by law, of the estate value.

 

[Ματθιας]

Part of my problem was that while things had been set up, they weren't what they seemed. I found that out when I had to find a place to park the house money and to get bank statements of activity in the months before and after my uncle died.

When I tried to open an estate account, I found out that there was another estate account, not in ABQ, but in Texas. I thought it'd be easier to deal with a national bank rather than the local bank in TX. I was wrong. The amount of paperwork is unreal - I get it, it's part of the game.

The national bank folks had to use the same automated call system that we do when we call to get stuff done - as we all know its a pain! And to meet with a banker, I had to set up an appointment a couple of days out.

The local TX bank, phone rang no more than twice before someone picked up - the #2 lady in charge walked me through the set up of the account for when the house funds came in over the phone! Follow up calls, too! Great service!

I have to say, everyone I've dealt with has been patient and more than helpful. It's been a really cool experience.

The one thing I did find in the safe deposit box was a ten 30 year old US treasury savings bonds. They are $100 denominations. Turns out that according the US Treasury website based on date of issue and serial number prefix that are all worth $164.12! I'm not sure that's a great rate of return.

It all went on the inventory list.

 

[Ματθιας]

Being an executor/personal representative to settle an estate can be trying, first meeting the timelines for the registrar of wills' various required postings and filings, sorting through the possible chaos of finances and tangible personal property, and last but not least, dealing with family while faithfully executing the deceased's last wishes. I've found that when money is involved, almost inevitably it brings out the previously unknown me-first vulture in some family members.
I recommend you stand firm and polite that you are following the law, lock up everything you can and let no one into any property - house, car, sheds - nothing, until you are ready make distribution. There may be pleading, cajoling, arguing, cursing and gnashing of teeth to "let me have," "just a look," "he wanted me to have," etc. Stand firm and polite, keep good records, and communicate often in writing to all interested parties.
It's possible you may become like an umpire - the most hated person on the field. This too shall pass, and the good family members will thank you for doing a good and fair job on a sometimes difficult task.
BTW, most wills will state that as executor, you are entitled to reimbursement for expenses such as travel, postage etc. and compensation for your work, which you can take or decline as you wish. In the states where I have been executor, the max compensation allowed is a percentage of the estate value, set by by law.

Everything was/is left to my aunt. When I came into the picture, everything of value had been taken out of the house. All that was left was stuff. She told me to do what I wanted with what was left.

My uncle's wishes hadn't been followed when my aunt was running things. He wanted to be buried at the Santa Fe National Cemetery instead, he was buried in the family plot in TX.

The probate attorney told me he'd make it clear to the Court that I came into the picture late.

The will is one and a half pages of vagueness.

I have a ledger of all my time and personal expenses which is less than $500. I have more time in it than anything.

The probate attorney says that everything seems to be going on time. With the house closing at the end of last week, other than untangling the finances, I don't know what's left.

 

[LVSteve]

The will is one and a half pages of vagueness.

Consider that comment stolen.

 

[444 Magnum]

BTW, most wills will state that as executor, you are entitled to reimbursement for expenses such as travel, postage etc. and compensation for your work, which you can take or decline as you wish. In the states where I have been executor, the max compensation allowed is a percentage of the estate value, set by by law.

^^^ This. Don't be shy about it. Each state has their own laws. In Georgia, the executor is basically entitled to 5% of all moneys that pass through the estate account from personal property and 3% of real estate.
You're entitled to it and you'll earn every penny of it. Ask the probate attorney about it and see what compensation your state allows.

 

[Ματθιας]

I did find a couple of things that are cool. I collect militaria. I got four sea bags

My uncle was in the Navy from 1961 to 66. He was a corpsman attached to 1/9 1st battalion 9th Marines, "The Walking Dead". He was transferred out just before they deployed to Vietnam. He was lucky given the extremely high casualty rate - thus the nickname.

1st Battalion, 9th Marines - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I found a clothes bag that said;

Far East '62-64

Okinawa
Korea
Japan
Taiwan
Hong Kong
Thailand
Hawaii
Wake Island
Phillippines

Right side;

USS Bexar
USS Talledega
USS Calvert
USS George Clymer
USS Renvine
USS Montrose

Left side:

USS Breckenridge
USS Pickaway
USS Winchester City
USS Okinawa
USS Alamo

In the middle

USS Iwo Jima

I also found some cool theatre made stuff like USMC cover made from a helmet cover and a beret.

There's also some match books and match boxes from various bars and hotels in Japan and the PI.

That's what I got.