Divorce: When It Comes To An End

[Bat Guano]

Boy. I've been clobbered a few times but thank God not with this.

I think I'll go hug my imperfect wife now.

 

[jtcarm]

I've never gone through a divorce, 17 years and counting on my marriage. But all I have read is that is the #1 listed item on the list of stressful events.

Maybe, but it has an end. A miserable marriage, not so much.

My best advice? Don't seek advice on an Internet forum.

 

[M29since14]

...but once the divorce proceedings begin, you just can't imagine the tactics that the other person will use, especially if they are receiving advice from co-workers, other divorcees, relatives, etc.

(Emphasis above added by me.) Be ready for this. When he says, "you can't imagine," well... you can't imagine.

I disagree with the advice about hiring a "junkyard dog" attorney.

Unless there are significant amounts of assets to be divided, you will be better served by hiring a local attorney who specializes in domestic law and who has a good reputation for reasonableness.

Even if there is a significant amount of assets, it is still probably the best approach. As long as you can work with your attorney and you think he is doing a good job for you (be realistic), don't worry too much about the junkyard dog stuff. And remember, if at some point you become unhappy with the lawyer, you can fire him and find another. Lawyers are a "dime a dozen," so to speak. You can change if you have to. With a good local attorney who has a good reputation, you probably won't.

Finally, if there is any chance to "cool off" for an extended period of time and see if things change for the better, maybe that would be something to consider.

 

[Will Carry]

I have been through a bad divorce. I won't talk about it but to say that it's worth it in the long run.

 

[Old Corp]

My .02 - you at some point need to learn 'separation/divorce language'.
And there's no 'Rosetta Stone' program for it either.

Here's an example:
-Her- : "I just want everything to be FAIR."

meaning: She wants all she can get, including any internal organs you have that may be of value.

 

[rwsmith]

Divorces are nasty......

I disagree with the advice about hiring a "junkyard dog" attorney.

Unless there are significant amounts of assets to be divided, you will be better served by hiring a local attorney who specializes in domestic law and who has a good reputation for reasonableness. Your interests will be protected and defended, while at the same time your attorney will be able to cooperate (I hope) with the other side's attorney. This is a much better situation than one in which take-no-prisoners attorneys are involved, which will lengthen and complicate things unnecessarily (except for the wallets of the attorneys).

Too often, I think, divorcing people hire hard-nosed attorneys as a way of making the opposing party's life as difficult as possible, for selfish and hurtful reasons. It doesn't help, and when all is said and done, you won't be any more or less divorced than if you had gone with reasonable, professional, and non-ego-driven attorneys.

Trust me on this one.

It's very likely that she will have a junk yard dog lawyer and you don't want to be caught with your pants down. A lawyer doesn't HAVE to act aggressively but should be able to when things get rough. I had a lawyer once that didn't anticipate how mean people can be much to my disadvantage.

 

[jculloden]

I'm on my third, it's the same woman they just have different names.I'm 67 and finally realize I should have entered a monastery in Tibet

 

[S&WIowegan]

We've been together 47 yrs. and occasionally fight a bit, but both of us know when to just shut up. I have no advice to give but I'll share a brief story of a friend's divorce. Good Catholic family, 5 bright kids still at home, the couple realize they can't stay together. Both hire lawyers and my friend(the only earner) makes what he and his lawyer feel is more than fair offer. Her lawyer recommends she accept so she fires lawyer and gets a new one. Next offer to her is "less fair" ...she loses it and fires second lawyer. Third lawyer does exactly what she demands and the wrangling lasts a long time. Final settlement was well-below his original offer.

Never under-estimate the capacity for irrational rage....especially since your wife is bipolar and self-medicating. I have a daughter who is both brilliant and bi-polar. It took her years to accept the diagnosis but she is doing lots better now. She got married a year ago to a nice easy going guy and I say a little prayer for him often.

 

[6518John]

In at the wire--

I'm on my third, it's the same woman they just have different names.I'm 67 and finally realize I should have entered a monastery in Tibet

But the funniest post of 2014 (that I have read).

I was deposing (questioning) the sweetest little 80 plus year old grandmother (think Mrs. Claus) in a case involving a big land deal that went bad. I was asking her about her husband, whom she divorced, and if she had plans on remarring. She literally transformed before my eyes and said, "I will eat **** and live on a riverbank before I ever marry again." We still laugh about that one.