4barrel
Member
My dad said he was ready had no problem going. He licked the nurses and free food.
Ever have to do something you don't want to?
- Thread starter lihpster
- Start date
He did WHAT? Sounds like something that would get him kicked out of most places.
My wife's mom passed from Alzheimer's about 6 years ago. Her last couple of years were in an assisted living place. It really was the only reasonable alternative. It is virtually impossible for you to give the kind of 24/7 care that a person suffering from this kind of condition needs at this stage. It takes a full time staff.
You're doing the best thing for your dad IMO. Consider the alternative - if he were to wander off and/or come to some kind of harm because you didn't find the kind of care he needs for him, how would you feel?
I had "elder care duty" (several folks) on and off from 1980 until my mom passed in 2014. Some folks went quite fast, not mom. She had a stroke in 2001, steady decline from then. She became immobile around 2009. Went into "assisted living" 2009-2010. Hated it, wanted to "go home." I had bought a home almost next door to help, moved my son in to help her and paid CNA's from "the home" to care for her daily, paid out of pocket. Early 2011 she decided at 85 she couldn't fight the inevitable and went voluntarily back. Spent the last 3 years bedridden. I did what I could, never felt it was enough. No criticism from my large Italian family though, I'm last man standing. Point is you gotta save yourself first or you aren't good for anyone else. God Bless. Joe
I know exactly what you're going through, I had to make the same choice four years ago. Toughest decision I had to make, but we just couldn't give her the care she needs. I can't believe she's still hanging in there; it's so difficult seeing her just existing. Last weekend I got to visit her for the first time in 1.5 years. She still remembers me.
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bigwheelzip
Absent Comrade
You've done your best and should go forward with a clear conscience. Good luck in your search for a facility.
Any of us that are in the roll of potential care giver might be well served consulting an attorney specialized in elder care. They can suggest legal tools like trusts, that provide more care options.
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Any of us that are in the roll of potential care giver might be well served consulting an attorney specialized in elder care. They can suggest legal tools like trusts, that provide more care options.
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
lihpster, you have done more then most would have even try to do.
As much as you love your father and thinking you're doing the right thing, someone or a facility that specializes in geriatric care will be far better at providing for your dad at this point. You deserve many blessings for doing what you have done.
As much as you love your father and thinking you're doing the right thing, someone or a facility that specializes in geriatric care will be far better at providing for your dad at this point. You deserve many blessings for doing what you have done.
OP
You know what eats at me? The second I made the decision I felt overwhelming relief. Followed immediately by overwhelming guilt. The nagging little thought that I'm dumping a burden. The fact that I KNOW this is the best thing for him, doesn't make it go away. I haven't been apart from him for more than 4-5 hours in 8 months. And he is now so dependent that if I am injured or otherwise incapacitated, it's game over. The constant strain is immense and relief is a perfectly normal and understandable reaction. I'm used to wrestling my own demons. Might need some help with this one.
My mom died peacefully in a care facility 10 years ago. Fortunately she had most of her memory intact, but was physically not able to do much of anything. Like many here, I did not like the whole situation but realized it was the right decision for us to make. I sincerely appreciate the OP willingness to be open and share where he is at right now, and for all the forum members that share similar experiences and concerns.
God bless Ruthie. She's most certainly an angel on earth.
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Sometimes the best decisions are not guiltfree, but they are still the best decisions.
OLDSTER
Member
My list grows longer as I get older.
Two very touching songs about the ache that loving families bear:
[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bKH13qpFhv8[/ame]
[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yrIW5RpvBnM[/ame]
[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bKH13qpFhv8[/ame]
[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yrIW5RpvBnM[/ame]
Please see my comment tag line.
It isn't easy. My sister and I went through hell with our Mom when the dementia kicked into high gear, and she had to go into a home.
It was the best thing we could have done. The care was excellent.
But it didn't make it any easier.
She's gone now. In my heart, I know that we did the right thing.
God bless. I will pray for you.
It isn't easy. My sister and I went through hell with our Mom when the dementia kicked into high gear, and she had to go into a home.
It was the best thing we could have done. The care was excellent.
But it didn't make it any easier.
She's gone now. In my heart, I know that we did the right thing.
God bless. I will pray for you.
JJEH
Member
It's not easy, just remember you do what's best for him not for you.
Keep your head up and keep moving forward!
Keep your head up and keep moving forward!
My prayers are sure with you. My mother was a people person, and she fit in great in the assisted living home she chose. My father was the opposite - he was a country loner, and stayed outside, and by himself right until he passed away - in his sleep, in the same house his grandfather and father lived, and passed away in. I am the exact same way. When the time comes that I can't call the shots, my kids are going to have a real problem on their hands - and they already know it. I keep telling them that I intend to set new records for Silver Alerts in Texas. Decisions like yours are based on love, and them only. Bless you.
LoadedRound
Member
lihpster
You've done your best. You are doing nothing wrong.
Please see your doctor. You still have an important role to play in your Father's life. He still needs you and if you don't take care of yourself, you can't help him. Consider counseling too, but it sounds like you could have some urgent physical health concerns.
Call your Doctor......now.
Prayers
You've done your best. You are doing nothing wrong.
Please see your doctor. You still have an important role to play in your Father's life. He still needs you and if you don't take care of yourself, you can't help him. Consider counseling too, but it sounds like you could have some urgent physical health concerns.
Call your Doctor......now.
Prayers
BLACKHAWKNJ
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A hard decision to make, remember we are all pulling for you.
Regarding those 6 kids who aren't really helping, how much affection and attention did they get ? I've known of plenty of people who described their parents as ARID-aloof, reserved, indifferent, disinterested.
Regarding those 6 kids who aren't really helping, how much affection and attention did they get ? I've known of plenty of people who described their parents as ARID-aloof, reserved, indifferent, disinterested.
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