LVSteve
Member
Last words from late wife#1 as she was being wheeled out the front door on a gurney was "Don't let any of them move in." As you might guess, "them" was her family.
Has anybody ever heard of such?
- Thread starter rwsmith
- Start date
Last words from late wife#1 as she was being wheeled out the front door on a gurney was "Don't let any of them move in." As you might guess, "them" was her family.
Your wife was clearly a gem!
Sometimes there's a fine line between helping someone in need, and enabling dysfunctional behavior. It appears you and your wife have crossed that line. If SIL is now a divorced single mom, she could qualify for government assistance. A social worker should be able to help to get SIL re-settled in her own place. On the other hand, if SIL is delaying the divorce because she is enjoying the gravy train she is currently on, you may have to take legal action against her and her husband.
GypsmJim
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If anyone had so-called hard luck (other than one of my own 2 sons) and wanted to move in MY house, they would have been turned away in the first place.
If they came while I was gone and there was no choice I would leave (and take my checkbook and bank statements with me).
If ANYONE came into my house with a SINGLE dog (much less a brood of dogs), I would have barricaded the door.
If they came while I was gone and there was no choice I would leave (and take my checkbook and bank statements with me).
If ANYONE came into my house with a SINGLE dog (much less a brood of dogs), I would have barricaded the door.
dsf
Member
Will this person leave if told to do so by you?
After 10 months of living in that home - will you run into problems having her removed simply on you're saying so? No "it's my home" and local PD saying they won't get involved?
Whatever you do to have the person removed will cause discomfort. Which will eventually pass.
After 10 months of living in that home - will you run into problems having her removed simply on you're saying so? No "it's my home" and local PD saying they won't get involved?
Whatever you do to have the person removed will cause discomfort. Which will eventually pass.
OP
She is.......
And her altruism knows no limits. One recent example. Last night, the puppies were cold, so I looked for the nice radiator heater that we had. Couldn't find it. Apparently. somebody she knew needed a heater.
And for anybody that asked, I have indeed told my wife pointedly that they need to leave. On many occasions.
And her altruism knows no limits. One recent example. Last night, the puppies were cold, so I looked for the nice radiator heater that we had. Couldn't find it. Apparently. somebody she knew needed a heater.
And for anybody that asked, I have indeed told my wife pointedly that they need to leave. On many occasions.
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Y'know, after posting my previous message and thinking about this for a while, I've come to the stark realization...you can't do anything. The camel is already in the tent, so to speak. You're stuck with 'em. Sorry. This is something that should've been addressed ten months ago.
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OP
There have been some men interested....
And I told my wife that I hoped that her sister DID marry money. But all of the men that were most interested are looking for money from her. Boy are they barking up the wrong tree.
And I told my wife that I hoped that her sister DID marry money. But all of the men that were most interested are looking for money from her. Boy are they barking up the wrong tree.
pantannojack
US Veteran
Send her, rather deliver her back to her husband. It is his problem; Not yours.
"gonna take you to your daddy; Gunna give him back your hand..." Dusty Chaps.
"gonna take you to your daddy; Gunna give him back your hand..." Dusty Chaps.
She's meeting hobosexuals!
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BLACKHAWKNJ
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If your SIL moved in with you sounds like her "soon to be" ex either:
1.Had nothing
2.Had his assets protected.
Sounds like your wife considers her sister more important than you. Address that issue.
1.Had nothing
2.Had his assets protected.
Sounds like your wife considers her sister more important than you. Address that issue.
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While I have empathy for you a wise person once told me:
"No one can take advantage of you without your consent"
You and only you can fix this. Either fix it or live with it and quit griping, your choice.
"No one can take advantage of you without your consent"
You and only you can fix this. Either fix it or live with it and quit griping, your choice.
Ματθιας;142141423 said:
Exactly what Matthias said! You have to stop enabling bad behavior at some point.
venomballistics
Member
You need a frank and honest angle on this.
Puppy mill and door mat.
She's running a puppy mill on your dime and could care less what it costs you if the hammer falls on this under your watch.
As you are beginning to understand, your situation is starting to go sideways. The full sideways potential is orders of magnitude greater than what you are currently experiencing.
Her antics can cost you everything
Puppy mill and door mat.
She's running a puppy mill on your dime and could care less what it costs you if the hammer falls on this under your watch.
As you are beginning to understand, your situation is starting to go sideways. The full sideways potential is orders of magnitude greater than what you are currently experiencing.
Her antics can cost you everything
lrb1200
Member
Reading all this,
Sorting this train wreck down to the bottom line.
It's the wife, it's her sister. It was the wife's responsibility
to preserve and protect the married life shared with her husband.
The wife has put her sister as a higher priority
than her marriage.
Sorting this train wreck down to the bottom line.
It's the wife, it's her sister. It was the wife's responsibility
to preserve and protect the married life shared with her husband.
The wife has put her sister as a higher priority
than her marriage.
She's getting divorced for a reason.
If she's not paying rent and you want her to leave it's not an eviction it's an ejectment, (when a house guest won't leave the party). Evictions get heard before a magistrate of some kind, ejectment is done straight up by the sheriff.
Don't lay hands on her.
Lock up your income from everyone, including your wife. No heat, no hot water, no food, cable tv, phone ...etc., nobody gets nothing until you get your way.
If she's not paying rent and you want her to leave it's not an eviction it's an ejectment, (when a house guest won't leave the party). Evictions get heard before a magistrate of some kind, ejectment is done straight up by the sheriff.
Don't lay hands on her.
Lock up your income from everyone, including your wife. No heat, no hot water, no food, cable tv, phone ...etc., nobody gets nothing until you get your way.
venomballistics
Member
Pretty good assessment.
Given facts in evidence, odds favor a second divorce in this situation
venomballistics
Member
And I think we can see the reason for the divorce before us.
Rwsmith is a member of significant stature in our circle here.
Sad fact here is he's likely looking at his own divorce before this is over.
His wife sees the family she came from right now, not the family her and her husband built.
She doesn't see that her sister is gleefully destroying everything she and rw pledged their lives to build.
Unfortunately this is a default setting with sisters.
I have three of them and I know they'd all destroy my life if I let them.
The goal is to try to protect our friend rw as best we can.
Ideally, we want to see his marriage preserved.
If that objective is not viable, he needs to beat them to the punch before all the resources have been squandered by the sil.
That said, the stakes are high and the road ahead is going to take all your driving skills
It sure is easy to get sucked into a pool of bad just a little at a time.
Last negative example: my wife's aunt had an illegitimate child in her 20s and spoiled him rotten into his mid-40s. She bled her parents dry, then after they passed, she quickly spent down everything in the estate for "...poor Steve." Poor Steve couldn't keep a job because of his laziness, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and life-long rumors that he was too interested in babies' genitals. At early 70s, the aunt was living in senior citizen housing, hiding her chronically unemployed (but healthy, smart, and able-bodied) son in one of the rooms when home nurses came by.
My wife is a Christian, and family-oriented, and hated seeing her aunt in these circumstances. She quietly began sending money from her salary; it came out when a bank teller double-charged her (took her cash AND charged our bank account) for a money order. She told me what she had been doing and why; I pointed out she was just directly funding an alcoholic, drug-using possible pedo. About that same time her emboldened auntie asked for substantial cash to fix 'poor Steve's' broken car (he had no job). We had a hard discussion, then shut her off. She died a year or so later.
Poor Steve recently died alone in his own low-income home, surrounded by cheap liquor and home-grown weed.
Some people you cannot help, and once you know that, you aren't helping - you're enabling. Had poor Steve had some tough love in his teens/20s, he might have had a useful life. As would have the auntie.
Last negative example: my wife's aunt had an illegitimate child in her 20s and spoiled him rotten into his mid-40s. She bled her parents dry, then after they passed, she quickly spent down everything in the estate for "...poor Steve." Poor Steve couldn't keep a job because of his laziness, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and life-long rumors that he was too interested in babies' genitals. At early 70s, the aunt was living in senior citizen housing, hiding her chronically unemployed (but healthy, smart, and able-bodied) son in one of the rooms when home nurses came by.
My wife is a Christian, and family-oriented, and hated seeing her aunt in these circumstances. She quietly began sending money from her salary; it came out when a bank teller double-charged her (took her cash AND charged our bank account) for a money order. She told me what she had been doing and why; I pointed out she was just directly funding an alcoholic, drug-using possible pedo. About that same time her emboldened auntie asked for substantial cash to fix 'poor Steve's' broken car (he had no job). We had a hard discussion, then shut her off. She died a year or so later.
Poor Steve recently died alone in his own low-income home, surrounded by cheap liquor and home-grown weed.
Some people you cannot help, and once you know that, you aren't helping - you're enabling. Had poor Steve had some tough love in his teens/20s, he might have had a useful life. As would have the auntie.
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