Heard From an Old Friend, update #13

[snubbyfan]

Many years ago, before I met the future Mrs. Snubby, I lived in a condo room I rented from a little redhead. She had a boyfriend that she later married.
Anyway, we became friends and when I met the future Mrs. Snubby, she became our friend.
After she married her boyfriend, he became very controlling and he conrtrolled who she was allowed to have as friends.
My wife and I apparently didn't make the list.
We kept in touch for a while via FaceBook until her husband made her remove her account.
Still, we did get to hear about her little girl Sadie who's 13 now.
We could still email and for a while recently she didn't return our emails and we thought her husband found out and made her stop.
We recently found out why we hadn't heard back for a while.
My wife and I spent the weekend out of town visitin' family and friends and when we got home there was a message on the answering machine.
Our redheaded friend had been having a rough time. She had a blood clot in her leg, spent three days in a coma and had her right leg removed above the knee.
She's taking physical rehab and intends to relearn to walk when she's fitted with a prosthetic.
Right now she's in a wheelchair and can't leave the house until her husband builds a ramp.
We spent a coupla hours talking with her on the phone today while her husband and daughter were out.
Interesting thing, she says she looking at the loss of her leg as a challenge. That's the same thing I've said about my degenerative peripheral motor nerve condition.

 

[Doug627]

Well, she has a challenge ahead of her. I will pray God strengthens her. I have faced some difficult times myself. When life knocks you down, there is no shame in taking an eight count before getting up. I have even had to ask for a rematch now and again.

"In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
OR cut him 'til he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains"

 

[jdlii]

Keep up the fight and as my Navy friends say: "Don't give up the ship!"

 

[mmb617]

As I was reading this I thought for sure you were going to tell us her husband had beaten her to death.

I can never understand why anyone would continue to live with such an animal.

If she could put up with living with a guy like that for years she's surely tough enough to get through this latest challenge.

 

[snubbyfan]

Well, she has a challenge ahead of her. I will pray God strengthens her. I have faced some difficult times myself. When life knocks you down, there is no shame in taking an eight count before getting up. I have even had to ask for a rematch now and again.

"In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
OR cut him 'til he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains"

We hadn't actually talked for a while. Mostly just kept in contact online.
In my minds eye, she's still the cute little redhead that usta go bra shopping with my wife before she got married. I remember them modeling their new purchases for me.
I was kinda surprised at how haggard her voice sounded. She sounded like she's been through a lot but upbeat and ready to take on the challenge ahead.

 

[snubbyfan]

As I was reading this I thought for sure you were going to tell us her husband had beaten her to death.

I can never understand why anyone would continue to live with such an animal.

If she could put up with living with a guy like that for years she's surely tough enough to get through this latest challenge.

When we stopped hearing from her, that was my fear.
Back when I was renting the condo room, she'd ask me to accompany her to a local rock club that had live music. I asked why her boyfriend doesn't go with her. She said that he was afraid to.
I did almost get into a coupla fights there but the other guy'd always back down. My wife says it was because I was "scary looking."
One time she went to the rest room, came back and got me then pointed out a fellow that was hassling her. As I walked toward him, he looked like he was trying to disappear into a corner. I just looked at him, put my arm around her then we walked away.
Yeah, her husband's a real tough guy....

 

[Rpg]

Sorry to say that your friend sounds like a paradigm case of spousal abuse.

The social isolation is a hallmark of a very seriously abusive situation.

Odds are that she's the subject of a good deal of domestic violence.

 

[walkin jack]

Wayne I'm very sorry your friend is having such a hard time. I am also very sorry she made such a poor choice in selecting a husband. To my mind that is a much worse problem than loosing the leg. I know you and your wife must be worried about her. I hope you can find a way to communicate with her and offer her support and encouragement or at least someone to talk too. Sounds like she can use all the friends she can get. Too bad you can't get a couple of leg-breakers to pay that jerk a little visit.

I had a dear friend in high school and if circumstances and timing had been just a little different we might have ended up together. We lost touch after grad and Had no contact of any kind until I got a letter from her in the snail mail box in march of 2016.

She SAID she had been thinking about me and got my info from our high school reunion website. We began emailing and had the occasional phone conversation. She was happily married but felt guilty for some reason that I don't know that we never got together and she wanted to apologize.

On December 28th 2019 I got a phone call from her husband telling me that she had passed away from cancer. It turns out that she found out she was terminal the day before she wrote me that letter.

Her death was a gut-punch for me and I resented the fact that she didn't trust me enough to be honest with me. After much introspection I realized that she had the right to decide that issue. It was her life and her death and I must respect and accept her decision.

I am no longer angry with her but had I know her true situation I'd have gone to visit her, even though I live in Texas and she lived in New York. I would also have gone to her funeral but her husband said she didn't want any funeral or any service of any kind.

I feel sick that I never got the chance to try to help her or encourage her and I never got the chance to say good-bye. There were things that we both wanted to say that never got said.

I'm just going to have to file that under unfinished business, but it still hurts.

Wayne, try to stay in touch with your friend. Try to help her if you can. If you miss a chance to help her you will regret it. Good luck to you and your wife and to your friend

 

[snubbyfan]

Wayne I'm very sorry your friend is having such a hard time. I am also very sorry she made such a poor choice in selecting a husband. To my mind that is a much worse problem than loosing the leg. I know you and your wife must be worried about her. I hope you can find a way to communicate with her and offer her support and encouragement or at least someone to talk too. Sounds like she can use all the friends she can get. Too bad you can't get a couple of leg-breakers to pay that jerk a little visit.

I had a dear friend in high school and if circumstances and timing had been just a little different we might have ended up together. We lost touch after grad and Had no contact of any kind until I got a letter from her in the snail mail box in march of 2016.

She SAID she had been thinking about me and got my info from our high school reunion website. We began emailing and had the occasional phone conversation. She was happily married but felt guilty for some reason that I don't know that we never got together and she wanted to apologize.

On December 28th 2019 I got a phone call from her husband telling me that she had passed away from cancer. It turns out that she found out she was terminal the day before she wrote me that letter.

Her death was a gut-punch for me and I resented the fact that she didn't trust me enough to be honest with me. After much introspection I realized that she had the right to decide that issue. It was her life and her death and I must respect and accept her decision.

I am no longer angry with her but had I know her true situation I'd have gone to visit her, even though I live in Texas and she lived in New York. I would also have gone to her funeral but her husband said she didn't want any funeral or any service of any kind.

I feel sick that I never got the chance to try to help her or encourage her and I never got the chance to say good-bye. There were things that we both wanted to say that never got said.

I'm just going to have to file that under unfinished business, but it still hurts.

Wayne, try to stay in touch with your friend. Try to help her if you can. If you miss a chance to help her you will regret it. Good luck to you and your wife and to your friend

We're kinda working on a plan to take her to lunch. My wife still has some of her scrubs from when she was a home health care aid. We can drive out there, my wife'll drop me off 'bout a block away, pick up our friend for "therapy" then come back and pick me up.
Our friend hasn't seen us for many years and neither has her husband. He probably won't recognize my wife but with me being me, I'd probably still be recognizable.

 

[snubbyfan]

Sorry to say that your friend sounds like a paradigm case of spousal abuse.

The social isolation is a hallmark of a very seriously abusive situation.

Odds are that she's the subject of a good deal of domestic violence.

Her friends warned her against him. I just figured that it's her life. He's got a good job, doesn't do drugs, isn't an alcoholic, doesn't smoke and seems to care about her.
He did kinda creep me out. He seemed rather feminine. Maybe that's what she liked about him?
Our friend did reveal to me that her future husband did have a certain "shortcoming". All I could think was, "why's she telling me this?"
My wife told me that fellow's like that tend to be insecure and controlling. Makes them feel more manly.

 

[pittpa]

Heard From an Old Friend

Control and Curtailment of communications with friends is a classic example of an abusive relationship, if I may say so as a non-professional. I suspect she will have more support in overcoming her physical injury than her relationship issues.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[mmb617]

Yeah, her husband's a real tough guy....

Men who beat on women never want any confrontation with another man. They're all cowards.

 

[snubbyfan]

She's back in the hospital.
We visited her yesterday and the problem was that her remaining leg, the left one, started getting blood clots, getting painful and the top of her foot was turning purple. Fortunately, this time, they were able to save it. From the way she described it, it took an extensive surgery to graft veins in to replace the clogged arteries.
She seems to be able to get around, get out of bed and to a wheelchair for now. She does have a prosthetic for her right leg and is doing physical therapy. The only thing is she hasta have a nurse help her or rather just watch to make sure she doesn't fall.
Anyway, I pushed her wheelchair and she showed us around the facility.
The only thing is the menu they're feeding her. Apparently "comfort food" is more important than a balanced nutritious diet.
Honestly, I'd think that a diet of balanced macros and a controlled daily calorie count would be more of priority.
Now she's gotten pretty plump and is now diabetic.
With my condition, I personally found that getting my weight down and keeping myself healthy really helped.

 

[Chubbo]

Old Friends

These are somewhat different circumstances, but, are, certainly, relevant.

My family and I, were just reunited, with a long-lost family, that were once, near and dear to us. They located us, came to visit, and renewed our friendship. It was a wonderful reunion, and brought happy tears to us all.

The old, long-lost friend, street, is a two-way street. Everyone dreads the effort needed, to locate, lost, friends, and renew friendships.

Although it can be a tedious project, it can be a very rewarding one.

The old adage, 'practice what you preach'. Applies well here.

I'll offer a perfect example. I was offended by a lifelong friend, also the Best Man at my wedding, in my hometown, who was seemingly busy, and was reluctant to talk with me, during our last phone call. After politely biding him, goodbye, I chose not to call him again, and he has done likewise. That's been more than a year, and we formerly conversed frequently. I need to swallow my pride and give him, a phone call.

 

[robrossk]

This past weekend, my wife and I attended a memorial for my best high school friend and best man at our wedding. I did not talk to him much these past 15 years or so as life got in the way. I reached out several times the last 5 years and was able to talk with him on the phone a couple times. Come to find out he became a severe alcoholic and died of liver disease.