HELP ME OUT HERE! AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH OR AM I RIGHT IN FEELING DISSED?

[hittman77]

You may have unrealistically high expectations of others.
Trust your gut.
Move on.

 

[smoothshooter]

Taking the bottle home is why the deadbeat isn't poor.

That occurred to me as well.
A lot of people have made a lot of money by being cheapskates.
And when they finally achieve long-term financial success, they still can't break the habit of being cheap.

 

[smoothshooter]

Some people just don't have a clue about good manners, being a good guest or a gracious host. I suspect it's in their upbringing to always be takers.
Maybe bringing a bottle of wine for dinner, or leaving the remainder of a bottle of liquor with your host is a southern thing. I live in central Virginia, and that's been my experience here.

A woman we've known for about 45 years used to come down to visit over a period of years for a long weekend with her then new husband, and neither one ever lifted a finger even to help my wife clear the table after she fixed meals for us. She'd drink three or four bottles of wine and he'd drink a fifth or more of my bourbon over those two or three days. They never, ever brought a bottle of anything to share.

If we went out to dinner with my sister, father and late brother-in-law, my BIL always ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, and never once in the eighteen years we went to see them did he ever offer to get the check. It always fell to me or my father.

A good friend of mine complains that his daughter's father-in-law always shows up for a family dinner at my friend's house, always shows up at a family dinner out, and in more than twenty years, has never offered to help with dinner at home, or ever picked up a check for a dinner out.

Some people are just takers, never givers, are totally unaware of that, and unless they have something else you value to offer, I'd try to avoid proven moochers, or just make your offering much less attractive like Onomea says - offer a cheap beer and some pretzels.

Maybe the daughter's husband is inviting his dad to all those meals? And not telling anyone else about it?

 

[mike4sigs]

There is alot of good comments in this thread most of them i agree with.
And i would like to add before i go.
Maybe the Neighbors wife allocates his bourbon and that was the last of his stash. JUST SAYING

 

[Mike SC Hunter]

Nothing. It was just a very inexpensive whisky.

Better than Crown Royal?

 

[lihpster]

Better than Crown Royal?

I prefer the Crown. But for cheap mixing whisky, CC is pretty good for $10 a fifth.

 

[Ingramite]

No offense buddy. But did you wonder if YOU are the problem? Not your friends?

Or are your standards so high that nobody can measure up?

No offense taken buddy.
Did I wonder if I was the problem?
No, I don't have to wonder, I know I'm the problem.
Yes, my standards are too high. I know that too.
As I age my tolerance grows even shorter.

Check the prescription on your perspective peepers.
My point was that if that "magic connection" in the elusive arena of Bro-mance was struck, then the Booze and Smoke faux pas wouldn't have been the tall nail.

When you end up with the memory of gravy on your dress shirt and nothing else, then you talk about the gravy and not what a great meal it was.

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

You can be frugal-cheap, stingy, a skinflint and still observe the social graces and norms.
For 2 church pot lucks /cookouts I made franks and beans, cheap franks, store brand beans, had plenty leftover, offered some to a neighbor, he said his kids didn't like them. Next time I used Oscar Meyer beef franks, B&M baked beans-went to get my dish to take home, it had already been washed.
The key to being cheap and miserly is you only do it for yourself, don't impose on others. One woman told me she and her siblings had bitter memories of their tightwad father, when it came to buying school clothing everything was always 2-3 sizes too big-"They"ll grow into it." Which, on the meager rations they received, always took a long time. I recall one boiling hot summer day at a picnic, the cold drinks ran out, gave a friend a store brand cream soda, he said it tasted better than the name brand.

 

[Ingramite]

After re-reading my two posts on the fine art of Bro-mance, maybe I should make a post with some brighter thoughts?

When I cast my eyes on a man that the boots I'm wearing out age him, I know I ain't gonna like him. When the eyes of two old greybeards meet, they already know each other. Odds are, they ain't gonna like each other either. This right here is why a smile and a nod might be easier path to travel.

I didn't hear about this in an after school special or in the comic books. Just my personal observation.

When you get past the red tape in the screening process, it can be worthwhile I suppose.

My last attempt to make a friend...a guy that I worked with.

We go out to lunch at work. Order a pizza so it's ready when we arrive. We sit there chit-chatting. Each taking a piece of pizza off the platter, one after another.

I took a piece off the platter which left two. My new pal then takes a piece in his hand and then takes the last piece and puts it on his plate.

Yeah.
You wanna be pals with a creep that would do something like that?
Me neither.

 

[pharmer]

OK - so I know now I am not being overly sensitive or presumptuous here.........

Your "new friend" has sized you up as a "soft touch." Next time he will invite the entire American Legion he belongs to until you tune him up. Good luck. Joe

 

[wuluf]

Ingramite: Yeah, I can see myself standing on the porch and screaming for someone to get off my lawn.....and it's probably gonna get worse.


One does not scream "Get off my lawn," one growls it..

Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk

 

[chief38]

We live in our new home and community just about 2 years now and we have the best neighbor's we have had since we have been married (45 years). While we obviously gravitate more to some than others, there are not any couples we would avoid. We are blessed in that respect! We are constantly entertaining which is a huge aspect of our lives and neighbors reciprocate - at least the vast majority of them.

I am sure we will eventually run into a snob, elitist or crabapple but that is just human nature I guess.

To get back to the matter at hand, I have made a decision that after having my moocher friend over 4 times and never inviting me to his house, never bringing his own cigars and pulling what he did on Friday, I am putting the ball in his court and will see if I get an invite. If not - I am done with inviting him here. I will be polite when I run into him and we'll see if he is savvy enough to figure it out.

 

[jaguargolf]

I've never left with a bottle I arrived with.

Good cigar story:

FDNY Chief of Department Peter Ganci (LODD 9/11)(5 stars) liked cigars.


If you got called onto the carpet in front of him when he was Chief of Operations, it was expected that you would hand him a cigar.

He would listen to whatever excuse, complaint, apology, issue you had
WHILE HE WAS SMOKING THE CIGAR YOU GAVE HIM

As soon as the cigar nosedived into the ashtray you were dismissed.

(Ask me how I know)

 

[moosedog]

I'm a bit of a loner but do have friends like that too. I just gave up waiting for them to realize their cheapness/rudeness, so I can only take them in limited doses. They are not bad people, just operate on different levels.
Fortunately, I live in a rural area and my neighbors are not close by. Having said that. I know that if I need help or if people in the area need help, they can always count on each other.

 

[cmj8591]

I agree.......I have one neighbor......About 400 yards. He's a good guy. I see little of him.

You sound like the guy they interview after they find ten bodies buried in the neighbors yard.

 

[charlie sherrill]

And the cheapest most nasty tasting bourbon you can find . And try not to smile when he takes a sip .

Pour it in a nice decanter so it will look expensive. After the second drink it probably won't matter.

 

[2152hq]

Nothing. It was just a very inexpensive whisky.

I kinda like it myself...

 

[YeshuaIsa53]

Friend of mine told me eons ago to stop expecting everyone to be like me.

 

[chief38]

Pour it in a nice decanter so it will look expensive. After the second drink it probably won't matter.

Yea, but I and others here at that same time have to drink it as well so no rot gut here. Same with my cigars. I only buy bourbons & cigars I like and won't just buy because they are inexpensive. There are a few bourbon's that I deem inexpensive that are pretty good. Elijah Craig and Larceny are two I enjoy and they are relatively inexpensive. Arturo Fuente Double Chateau and CAO Gold Corona Gorda are also two modestly priced stogies and are very good.

 

[Kinman]

My son has never brought a bottle over and yet continually asks for a horn of my finest sipping rye. I took an empty bottle of Reserve and filled it with standard issue, that's what he gets, and his palate never picks up on the difference.
I didn't get any idea of an age difference between you and the neighbor. I find younger guys to be more likely to commit acts like taking the bottle home and not bringing a smoke, usually our generation are pretty good standards of decorum and I have a few friends that almost go to far over by leaving you on the short end of return. One friend is a Bonafide Chef quality cook, it's pretty hard to reciprocate his generous treats, all I can do is return the favor in ways he can appreciate like repairing his tractor hydraulics.
Sorry your neighbor has a poor way of showing appreciation for your obvious good taste, just makes good friends that much better. Friends are family I choose.

 

[chief38]

My son has never brought a bottle over and yet continually asks for a horn of my finest sipping rye. I took an empty bottle of Reserve and filled it with standard issue, that's what he gets, and his palate never picks up on the difference.
I didn't get any idea of an age difference between you and the neighbor. I find younger guys to be more likely to commit acts like taking the bottle home and not bringing a smoke, usually our generation are pretty good standards of decorum and I have a few friends that almost go to far over by leaving you on the short end of return. One friend is a Bonafide Chef quality cook, it's pretty hard to reciprocate his generous treats, all I can do is return the favor in ways he can appreciate like repairing his tractor hydraulics.
Sorry your neighbor has a poor way of showing appreciation for your obvious good taste, just makes good friends that much better. Friends are family I choose.

For a Son or Daighter I could see clear to make an exception. That said, my son is always bringing over my favorite libations and has been extremely generous in that regard. He and and my DIL always send or bring a bottle of Sinatra JD, Michters, Wild Turkey Single Barrel - cask strength, Elejah Craig Cask Strength single barrel or similar. They have signed us up for the Cheese selection of the month, Coffee of the month, and citrus fruit of the month type gifts. My Daughter is also quite generous and always sends or brings our fav's as do almost all our friends. I am ALWAYS doing mechanical maintenance things on ac units, water heaters, generators, cars, boats, golf carts, etc. for my neighbors and friends here and most of the time I will get taken out to dinner or receive a good bottle. I have even received cigars once in a while.

I have no hesitation to offer anyone in my house a drink, glass of wine, cigar, food, etc. - it is our pleasure to do so and everyone else around here does the same - with the rare exception. Seems I've stumbled across one - lol.

BTW, some of our best times were impromptu when friends and neighbors stop by or we run into hem on the block and say,"what are you guys doing for dinner"? We have had some great impromptu dinners and get togethers. Our home is opened for family, friends and good neighbors. We love it!

 

[Buford57]

Hmm, I've been holding out on a brother in law that's wanting to borrow 50 bucks. I may just have a change of heart.

Adjusted for inflation, that's a bargain.

 

[BC38]

50 years ago I loaned a "friend" $20. Never saw him again. Fair deal.

This reminds me of what Sonny told C in the movie A Bronx Tale.
"Look at it this way: It costs you 20 dollars to get rid of him... He's out of your life for 20 dollars. You got off cheap. Forget him."
It cost you twenty bucks to find out he isn't a REAL friend? That's a bargain - it could have cost you more. Especially if you relied on him and he let you down.

 

[NFrameFred]

tact [ /tak(t)/ ]


"The art of making people feel at home . . . when you wish they were"

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

If I bring a bottle of anything to someone's house it stays, whether it winds up in the trash empty or not. Unless the owner specifically tells me to take it home, in which case I graciously comply.
That is just a man rule.

 

[WardenRoss]

If I bring a bottle of anything to someone's house it stays, whether it winds up in the trash empty or not. Unless the owner specifically tells me to take it home, in which case I graciously comply.
That is just a man rule.

Maybe it is a Southern Gentleman thing, but I was raised the same way.

That and if you are a guest, never eat the last piece of fried chicken. Never reach for seconds without first complimenting the cook then ask to "have a little more."


,

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

Yes, freeloaders, moochers, spongers, people who borrow and "forget" go into my Black Book.