I need a little advice

Wingmaster

Wingmaster

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I have a feeling my daughters boyfriend is going to ask me for her hand in marrage.
When they started dating a few years ago, I told him "If you make her cry, I will make you cry." I meant it.
I really got to where I like the guy. That being said, I still don't want him to think he has one up on me.
I think he would make a good son in law.
What would you say?

Wingmaster
 
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Wm - the same thing happened to me 4-5 years ago and then recently, the young man came and asked me.
I appreciated the way he's treated my Daughter and am happy that he'll be my SIL.
If your daughter is happy and you are happy, all is well.
Good Luck
 
Ask him up front "What did I tell you a few years ago?" I mean it now More than ever.... Sounds to me that you Really Like the Kid... Best Wishes to them....
 
Show him the gun collection and just let him know you are very
proficient with all of them. End of conversation.


Chuck
 
Wingmaster said:
That being said, I still don't want him to think he has one up on me.
I think he would make a good son in law.
What would you say?

Wingmaster
Click to expand...

Ask for a little boot, say a K22.....? :D

You'll know how to handle it when the time comes. Doesn't hurt to ask The Lord for some wisdom. Good Luck and may God bless. :)
 
My youngest daughter was married last August.Her husband,my newest son-in-law(I have 4) was the only one to actually ask me if I would approve of him asking my daughter to marry him.I was kind of stunned by that old fashioned approach.I gladly gave him my"blessing".He is a terrific young man with a wealth of patience.They are expecting their first child in October.You didn't scare him away with your promise to make him cry and you like the guy and you believe he is going to ask your permission.There ain't many of them left.I say tell him welcome son.
 
If you think he'll make a good son-in-law, just thank your lucky stars and tell him thank you for asking your blessing. My eldest eloped with a boy I disapproved of and now is divorced with a restraining order against him.
 
That whole "If you make her cry, I will make you cry" sounds pretty ill-advised. Seriously. If my father-in-law had said that to me, I would have A) wanted to break his nose; and B) been utterly disgusted that this old dude was flapping his wet jaw when I was clearly stronger, faster and meaner than him.

Getting into a testosterone contest with a young testosterone factory is no way to start your official relationship. I completely understand your concerns, but you're supposed to be the wiser one here, not the stronger one.

Why don't you try appealing to his love for her and his desire to be a strong, protecting man? Something like, "I know you love her. And that's important to me because I love her more than anything. Can you look me in the eye and promise me that you'll love her, even when problems happen? And, even when she's irritating, that you'll be respectful of her? And, even when you're feeling lust for another woman, that you'll be faithful to her? I've come to respect you as a man, and if you can do those things, you'd be helping me to care for my precious child, and you have my blessing."

Work with it, amigo, but try not to come across like you think you're the Big Boss Man. In his mind, he's the hero of this story. Play to that, and maybe he'll actually act like a hero. :)

God bless your daughter and lead her into a lifelong happy marriage. :)
 
I believe Erich just gave you some good advice. The young man remembers what you told him before so I don't think you need to remind him. You seem to feel pretty good about him already so be straight up with him and let him know what you expect of him if he is going to be the one taking care of the most precious thing in your life.

You can always remind him later about the gun, shovel and 40 acres in the woods.
 
I agree with Erich. Once our kids are adults the only thing left is to advise and support...not financially of course but in all other ways. Our kids are going to do as they please and it will be hard enough without us judging. Don't forget that when a father walks a daughter down the isle it is symbolic of handing her over to the new #1 man in her life. No one ever replaces Mom or Dad but we do step back and let them live. How would you feel if your wife listened to her Dad first an placed you second in your own marriage?

I, for one, don't make decisions for my daughters. If they ask my opinion on something important I will ask questions and discuss it to insure they are giving it due consideration but I won't tell them what to do...I don't want credit for their successes or blame for their failures...I only want to be around for all of it and share in the ups and downs.

This, of course, applies to the normal trials of life...abusive relationships change the rules.
 
Last edited:
As this is one of the more conservative sites on the net, and the young man seems to place importance in asking for your daughter's hand (out of respect to you and western Judeo-Christian custom), It seems he has values very much in line with yours.

I would say this gentleman is a rare gem in today's world. Just remember when the vows are said, and the preacher turns to the visitors and family, you will also be asked to agree to do everything you can to help the marriage. If your answer to this question will be yes, then your answer to the young man has already been made in your mind.

Good luck to you and yours.
 
I have a variation on Chud333. Show him the gun collection and if he can ID all with no clues he's in. You know you will have someone to talk to when the women are off chatting about girl stuff.
 
I think Erich had very wise advice, and would support what he said.

If it doesn't work out you can always refer to NE450No2.:D
 
My (then) young daughter got a very unusual proposal from her long-time boyfriend. Their high school graduation was held outside in the football stadium.
He hired a plane to fly a banner over the stadium saying "Sara will you marry me?" over the stadium during the graduation.
They have been married for over 10 years, and he is for sure a keeper!

Myron
 
When he asks I would talk with him about responsibility and committment. Marriage is a lifetime thing and kids need to know that. I also liked the line Jimmy Stuart used in, I think, It's a Wonderful Life, where he says to the young man asking for his daughters hand "I know that you love her, but do you like her?" Being friends is far more important than being passionate....IMHO.....
 
When the young man showed the respect and class to come to you, he already told you most of what you want to know about him. But you should still ask for the three goats.
 
Best to let them sort out their own problems, and offer advice/opinions only if asked. Make sure they know that you will be there for them when they need you.
You can't exert much control over their lives after they are grown up, even though they will always be our little angels to us. Just hope that their upbringing sticks.

Myron
 
You don't want him to think he's one up on you?

I would suggest that you back up, sit down, and breath through your nose until you process a few truths here. He does not even need to ask for your blessing. They don't need your permission or anything else, and if they did, you would be wise not to hold it over their heads. The kind of relationship and future you have with this new, sovereign, independent married couple depends on how you handle yourself now. Try some role reversal; do unto others. How would you have liked your FIL to regard you? Most of all, if you are a person of faith, make that the center of your input for this new union, and if you're not, consider making God the center of your life and then lead by example. You asked for advice, I hope you receive this in the spirit it was sent. flapjack.
 
Both of my daughters fiancee's came to me to ask permission to marry. I did the same with my wife's folks. Tradition maybe but I'm kinda old school. They are still daddy's little girls married or not. Frank
 
It is out of the norm now days that he would ask for permission from you. Its good that he values your opinion on the matter as some people now dont even tell their families after the fact.
 
While I am in agreement with Eric I still think I would express the same sentiment if it were my daughter. I guess I wouldn't, most probably, mean it literally.
I've been to enough "family beefs" to have the opinion that a man that lays a hand on a woman, and gets away with it, will probably continue. I assume that if you want to marry my daughter you are at least minimally acquainted with me, that's the way my family is. You would then know me well enough to know that if you and she had some personal problems or verbally fought a lot, I would mind my own business and stay out of yours. What I would want him to understand is, if you treat may daughter decently I will love you as a son, and do everything in my power to help you. Conversely if you ever make her cry through physical abuse I will do everything in my power to make you pay. I may not be able to kick your *** but neither will I give you any support, ever.
I guess it's probably a matter of age. I think I could say those words to a future son-in-law and he would understand I wasn't going all "type A" on him. If he didn't recognize the real meaning behind the words we probably WOULD have trouble communicating.
 
my FIL told me there is "no depsoit-no return, but understand when you marry a Sicilian, you marry ALL of us."
he was right about the later
have not wanted to try the first...
 
You make her cry. I shove this gun in your face. Plus jails not that bad.
 
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