What is your name, address, and date of birth?
- Check my facebook page.
What is your race?
- NASCAR, but I also watch some Formula 1
Are you Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin?
- No, but I became one later.
Where were you born?
- In a hospital.
What is your ancestry or ethnic origin?
- I had a mom and dad.
How many cars do you have at your house?
- Depends on how many friends I have over.
Do you have a flush toilet?
- No, but my house does.
Do you have a sink with a faucet?
- Same as the last one.
How much is your rent/mortgage?
- Really, more than I want to pay, but what choice do I have?
Do you have a second mortgage? How much is it?
- Of course I don't have a second mortgage, silly! I'm still trying to pay off the first one!
Are you covered by a health insurance plan? Which type?
- Ask my wife. She's in charge of insurance.
Do you have serious difficulty hearing? Seeing? Concentrating, remembering, or making decisions?
- Usually, only when I am drunk.
Do you have difficulty dressing or bathing?
- See the last one.
How many times have you been married?
- We only had one wedding. Thank goodness we didn't need a do-over...
When did you last get married?
- Ask my wife. She's in charge of that, too.
Where did you work last? What's the address?
- At my office. The address is on my business card.
What time do you leave home to go to work?
- About 30 minutes before I'm supposed to be there.
What is your income?
- Not enough.
What is your retirement/pension?
- Gone, thanks to all you government buttheads and your financial thief-buddies.
Do you have a VA disability rating?
- Sorry, I have never lived in Virginia.
What's the most important thing you do at work?
- Get paid.