Interpreting the female language...

[coltle6920]

If only "Rosetta Stone" had a CD that helped us guys translate what the wife really means when she says something.

Wife: Does this dress make me look fat?
Translation: You better think twice before answering!

Wife: The Opera is in town this weekend but we don't have to go if you don't want to.
Translation: I already bought two tickets so don't plan anything.

How about it? You men have any stories that might describe the utter lack of comprehension skills you have as a husband?

 

[Taurus627]

I agree with you but there is also the way the ladies interpret what men say that frustrates the **** out of me.

Was wachin TV the other night with the little lady on the phone and stated that the lady on TV was about her size and looked scary in her outfit. Her response, "what are you trying to say, that I look scary"

Me, "No, the lady on TV looks scary" She didn't talk to me for 2 days!

 

[Iggy]

Most dreaded word.... "FINE!!!"

 

[Brian41]

I find a slow response and a chance to ponder best. Now my wife thinks I need hearing aids.

 

[skrazo]

Set up your cell phone to "vibrate" when receiving a call. Be sure the Mrs. knows about it. When she asks one of those "awkward" questions, pretend you are receiving a call, go into the other room to fake the call. When you come back, totally "forget" the question. It works "sometimes".

 

[cussedemgun]

Let me fix it for you

If only "Rosetta Stone" had a CD that helped us guys translate what the wife really means when she says something.

Wife: Does this dress make me look fat?
Translation: I need some reassurance here, so LIE to me if necessary.

Wife: The Opera is in town this weekend but we don't have to go if you don't want to.
Translation: I already bought two tickets so don't plan anything.

There are only two times I don't understand women;

When they are asleep

When they are awake

(shrug) I think the mystery & hidden dangers are a part of the attraction

 

[KevinCH]

My wife & I laugh about those instances where we don't hear exactly what the other means to say.

I can tell you this though: if I start calling her "the" wife (she's "my" wife), the old lady, the little woman, etc. - my happy home won't be so happy.

 

[arjay]

I understood a lot more at 40 than I do at 60. Not a good sign...

 

[wuluf]

Six words for a happy home: "Yes dear, I have no opinion."

 

[smokindog]

Per my Dad, "Yes Honey, you were right, I was wrong, I still love you!".

Perhaps we share some family as I'm from the SE side of Cleveland!

Six words for a happy home: "Yes dear, I have no opinion."

 

[kozmic]

I don't believe Rosetta Stone could handle the laws suits that would follow for damages and personal injury from use of their product.

 

[moe smith]

I understood a lot more at 40 than I do at 60. Not a good sign...

Probably one reason why...........

"Oh but I was so much older then
I'm younger than that now"

..........was such a hit.

 

[Krell1]

My wife "thinks" she remembers everything and I'll ALWAYS lose if I try to prove her wrong even when she is. Best way to handle it is to not try unless there's physical, undeniable, concrete, not faked, proof to your side of the story. I find that even some of my "proof" fails to change the opinion.

 

[Kanewpadle]

The day you said "I Do' , you lost. It just takes a while to realize it.

 

[Hillbilly77]

1) We need. = I want.

2) It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

3) Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later.

4) We need to talk. = I need to complain.

5) Sure...go ahead. = I don't want you to.

6) I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron.

7) You're...so manly. = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

8) You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

9) Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

10) Hang the picture there. = No, I mean hang it there!

11) I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.

12) Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

13) How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like..

14) I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

15) Is my butt fat? =Tell me I'm beautiful.

16) You have to learn to communicate. = Just listen to me.

17) Are you listening to me?! = Too late, you're dead.

18) Yes. = No.

19) No. = No.

20) Maybe. = No.

21) I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

22) I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

 

[blujax01]

Maybe this'll help...

 

[Rule3]

Most dreaded word.... "FINE!!!"

That is the abbreviated version of:

FINE-WHATEVER!

 

[LazyKB]

I agree with you but there is also the way the ladies interpret what men say that frustrates the **** out of me.

Was wachin TV the other night with the little lady on the phone and stated that the lady on TV was about her size and looked scary in her outfit. Her response, "what are you trying to say, that I look scary"

Me, "No, the lady on TV looks scary" She didn't talk to me for 2 days!

Hmm.....sometimes I could use two days off.

 

[Vulcan Bob]

I just gave up trying to figure em out and take like a man.

 

[snowman]

We need Steve Smith(aka Red Green) to handle this stuff.

Andy