Makeing plans for the final exit.

[K-framer]

I can certainly feel empathy for your position. I am going through a similar experience myself, though more immediate. I have no wife or close family, so they are not the issue, but I am wrestling with the "end of life" issues on my own....and with a few close friends.

About two years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage 3b liver cancer (HCC). I was told that, depending on circumstances and complications, I might have as long as 10 more years, but probably not quite that long. Sooner or later, it would begin to spread and that would be it. The tumors, when discovered, were already growing faster than expected. Now, I am Stage 4. There are indications that the cancer has spread to my left lung and possibly my stomach. So, it is too late for treatment (a liver transplant) to be of any real value. I am 52 years old.

I elected to NOT waste resources on treatment(s) that have relatively low odds of success. Rather, I decided to make the best of the time I have left.

As for final preparations, I really was at a loss. Like the OP, I have NO desire for a funeral, wake, etc. A colossal waste of time, as I see it (as well as resources). So, I have arranged for cremation, transport and burial in a cemetery in another part of the state, where my parents happen to be interred. If I had my choice, I'd prefer something dramatic and ridiculous, such as having my ashes shot out of a field gun, or something like that (I served in the artillery, in the U.S. Army). Maybe sprinkle me out of a plane, while flying over Mt. Everest, I don't know.

There are so many things that I would still like to accomplish - but it's not to be. I don't want to dwell on that - I'd rather just get on with it.

I only know that I DON'T want any hoopla. Just let me go. So, having no close family, I have stated this to my friends and colleagues. Some accept my wishes, some don't. So be it.

I can't really offer any advice to the OP (or anyone else) as to what to do to make those in your life understand and respect your wishes. For myself, I can only say that all of this is difficult enough, without having to take guff from others over MY final wishes, concerning MY impending death. I try to consider that their concerns are really an expression of their feelings toward me - and see them in a positive light.

All I can say is, best of luck to any and all that are dealing with similar matters. End of life ain't fun.....but then, I guess it's not supposed to be. As to what happens after (as the OP mentioned as a point of concern).....I have no idea. I'll just have to cross that one, when I get to it.

 

[PA Reb]

I bought & paid for my services in 1997. Everything is paid for. Have my plot in a small Sierra Nevada town cemetary & will be between my folks & my first wife, Eleanor. No cremation for me. Have a living trust will to give the kids what I believe they would want.

A lot of people think this is a good idea but here's one reason not to do it this way. I do quite a bit of genealogical work and spend a few days now and then walking through cemeteries. About a year ago or so, I was walking down a road in a very large local cemetery and came across an open grave right alongside the road. As I passed by, I looked in the hole and saw a casket sitting at the bottom - no vault, no grave liner, just a casket. Having had a grandfather that was an undertaker, I found it odd and know for a fact it is illegal to bury without a grave liner at the very least. The grave crew wasn't around so I decided to stay in the area to "see what the outcome" might be. It wasn't long when the crew returned and started to push dirt in the hole onto the casket - I could hear the rocks dinging off of the metal casket. After they left, I went back and wrote down the last name. I then checked the local newspaper for the lady's obit and found who the family was. I contacted the cemetery office and told them what had happened and they told me I was mistaken. Then, after much thought on how to go about it, I contacted the family.

To make a long story short, there was no graveside service and the funeral (including a vault) had been prepaid. The funeral director that had been paid took the family over the coals by seeming to forget all about the vault. In the end, he paid a heavy fine and had to have another company exhume the casket and do it right. In my opinion, he should have lost his license and done time in jail.

Moral of the story - Have a trust fund or something made out with your money and have it guarded and dispersed by someone you trust. Don't prepay and have your family get ripped off!

 

[ChuckS1]

My plans? First, make sure our estate is in order with a trust to avoid any death taxes. Second, cremation. Third, internment at Arlington.