My daughters first boyfriend

The tough guy fathers are just hysterical. Its just their impotence showing through. Keep in mind in all this chances are the daughter has just as much incentive to be the aggressor as the unknown young gentleman. No, I didn't have any daughters, but my sons do. The oldest has already started the threats and what not.

Now the story about my friend Mike. About the time his daughter turned 10, he was on the heavy. No little boy was going to take her out, etc. She'd have been doomed to a life of an old maid had he been able to follow through. To make matters worse, she was a really pretty little girl. A real sweetheart. So she remained kind of friendless until she got to about 13.

And then the big day came. Not much warning or anything. Her mother announced that she was going to have a male visitor the next day after church. This is Kentucky, we do things like we did in the past. So his wife was pretty afraid he'd make a fool of himself. After all these years of idle threats (if you want examples, read the above posts), she was afraid he'd say or do things he'd regret. So he was beside himself. Madder than a hornets nest. His wife was out on the front porch, sitting on the swing, monitoring all. Mike was so upset he pulled his "show truck" out in the filtered sunlight and began waxing it...in the sun.

And right on schedule down the street came "Ricky", dooly poppin' along like he owned the world. Going to visit his new girlfriend for the first time. His wife relates that she was still afraid. Big Mike and little Ricky going at it like gladiators. So Ricky crosses the street, pulls up to a stop and exclaims "Wow, Mr Reynolds is that your truck? Can we help you wax it?" The injuries were minor, mostly to his wife who fell off the porch swing laughing. Yes, they waxed all afternoon and came out of it friends. Big Mike, 6'3" 200+ pounds lost in the first round to Ricky who couldn't have gone 100#.

The story is retold every time some father gets a bit too much of himself. The story revolves around dad not having anyone on his side. The other side is made up of real heavy hitters, Mom, the young girl and young boy. They hold all the cards. Dad's have perfected a way to make themselves into fools. We all hear the rants, and none of us believe it. Save your energy for something positive. :D
 
Had a smart alec 17 year old dating my little girl. I insisted on meeting the young man.

"So, this is where you tell me you have a gun. Or show it to me. Yea yea you don't scare me you know. You old timers need to relax."

"No, this is when I tell you I have a shovel and a big yard. My neighbor is half a mile away and thinks I'm a nice guy. I know how to make you never be found."

His parents called. He isn't allowed around my family.
 
You don't relialize what.....

You know, that's something that everyone always says but it never worked for me. My 1st girlfriend's dad tried that. He might as well have been washing windows or vacuuming or painting. ... What are you going to do? Shoot me? Hahaha I doubt that! Right away I thought the guy was a Dbag! In my opinion treating the kid as an adult, talking to him like a friend goes much further than cleaning guns.

You don't realize how obligatory this tradition is. After you get through the shotgun part and letting him know that nobody'd better hurt his daughter, then comes the talking and the fun stuff.:D
 
My 18 year old daughter thinks boys are stupid. I tend to agree. We're doing just fine. :D

As to the "show 'em a gun" stories: A couple of my college buddies and I spent a Saturday out at the farm, shooting whatever we had. We came in a little before dark, Mom started fixing supper, and we started cleaning guns. A few minutes later, my sister's boyfriend came to pick her up. It wasn't planned, but three big (all over 6'4") long-haired rednecks cleaning guns put the fear into him. Everybody in town knew he was a drug dealer, and I'm sure he had a gun or two of his own, but for some reason, he didn't date my sister after that night.
 
An old FD friend of mine had been a USMC Sergeant in Vietnam. When his one and only child, his little girl, started dating, he had a stock line he used when introduced to her dates: "Son, before you go out with my daughter, we're gonna have a man-to-man talk. And since only one of us here is a man, you're gonna do a lot of listening!" :)
 
I was not blessed with little girls, 2 son's that I tried to teach to respect women. When my youngest son died I tried to teach my grand daughters that boys and men should respect them. and NO MEANS NO. I also told them if any male hurt them or mistreated them I would make them disappear, a shovel and 50 lbs.of garden lime makes things go away.
 
Well, you guys are all pretty lucky. My 5 year old grand daughter that I'm raising is totally in love with Danny Trejo. If you mention his name to her she blushes. If you ask her if she is in love with him she giggles and runs away. I'm not too worried about having to deal with DT but if this is indicative of her taste in boys, I may be in trouble. I'll be 76 when she turns 16. Oh well.
Peace,
gordon
 
The first time I met my girlfriend's parents, after talking to her dad for 30 minutes he takes me to his giant gun safe, opens it up, and tells me if I stick around long enough, one day they could all be mine. :D

....a little over 2 years later, and he said the day my girlfriend and I get married, they're all mine.


....I'm currently saving up for an engagement ring.
 
I have four sons, my fifth and youngest is my daughter. She is only one. The thought of her having a boyfriend is disturbing. Not because she is my daughter, but because I will always think of her as she is now. Hating baths like a cat so being smelly. And her favorite thing to try to do is take off her diaper so as to eat her own poop.

When she is older, I will teach her how boys and later men are stupid, and how to get them to hurt themselves for her amusement. Though I imagine after having four older brothers that she will be the meanest one yet.

Her maternal grandmother killed her maternal grandfather, and her mother spent 20 years in the Navy before retiring where she was known as the mean one. Parris Island D.I.s considered her abrasive and unpleasant...

I actually kind of feel sorry for anyone my daughter ends up dating one day.
 
Only one idiot in my daughter's school wasn't afraid of me, of course she had to date him. I come home from work one Friday night, and they say they are going to get married, and she is wearing his grandmother's ring. The wife is doing dishes and won't look at me. So I say, "How soon?" In about 2 years! I say "OK, I'll bless you when the wedding gets here." They go on a date, the wife just looks at me like a dog at a new bowl, and I said We'll see. 5 or 6 weeks later, she never wanted to see him again. I looked at the wife an said,"If I had said 'no way,' they would have run off to spite me, this way I've got the shoulder she can cry on." She brought a great boy home a few years latter, they've been married 7 years this month.

I saw one of you saying Walnutred's F-I-L didn't have a list like that for his daughter. That's true, but her dad did warn his friends to not make fun of him until they had seen him, Then they just smiled politely! The funny thing is Walnutred's daughter is a little slip of a thing, her brother is this "Mongo" sized thing and Lil' sister keep him in line. Ivan
 
For some reason this issue seems to be worse on fathers.

My oldest girl was a freshman, 2 little freshman boys were in my living room when I walked in. I had my Parker double over one arm holding about 6 DEAD quail. I did not know they were going to be there. Both their eyes got real big. I said hello boys. laid the quail on the kitchen counter, closed the Parker and set it in the corner.

I asked my daughter who her friends were, she introduced them. One lad was a bit lippy, he eventually asked if I used that shotgun to shoot daughters boyfriends. I said haven't yet had too. HE said good, pointed at his buddy and said, he's her boyfriend. I'm just his buddy. With out missing a beat I said excellent, I use your type for target practice.

The boy took her to the dance, his parents drove. Monday night when I got home from work my daughter was upset and explained it to me. HEr short term 14 year old boyfriend had told everyone about my shotgun and how any boy that even asks to date her will get it. She said her lifes ruined, boys told her they would not date her. I said, I'm sorry, but you were here, I did not threaten the boy at all. Then I went to the bathroom and did my super bowl victory dance. That did not last long. She is quite the looker and boys started asking her out.

She did not fess up when in her junior year I asked how old the current BF was. She said a Sr. She did not tell me he had dropped out for 3 years and came back as a 21 year old Sr.

He was about 6' 1". Real tough, just ask him. Told my daughter I did not scare him. He started roughing her up. Slapped her around. My #2 daughter told me.

She broke up with the guy, his Mom had given my daughter a Levi Jacket she bought that was too small for her. Mr wonderful kept calling wanting his mothers jacket back, she told my daughter no she didn't want it back.

The lad kept calling. I was mowing the yard, #2 daughter came out and said Mr Wonderful keeps calling and is threatening to hurt her big sister. I had had enough. I answered the phone one day and asked him to quit. Take his dog and pony show elsewhere. He told me to kiss something and he could stomp my 40 years old rear any day of the week.

So I told Daughter #2 to tell her sister to have the guy come get the jacket.

He walked right by me, never said squat. Pounded on my front door screaming for the jacket. I walked to the door. When she opened it I grabbed the jacket. Stepped up to the lad, said you mentioned kicking my rear, well since we are both here this might be a good chance for you to do it. I dropped the jacket and twisted it in the dirt. He got a little mad. Per both my daughters, his swing connected with thin air. My first swing spun his head 1/2 way around his bod. His rear was pretty well whupped by the 3rd or 5th punch. Since this is a family forum, I left out where he may have been kicked, the wonderful things he said to me just before he swung and what he said as he ran to his car.

Call the cops, nope I were one. And it was my yard. And he did swing first. The phone calls quit. I chewed out my Daughter for not telling me the whole truth. Grounded her for a while.
 
One night when my daughter was around 14 we had some friends over playing cards. One of them jokingly asked me what I was going to do to keep the boys in line. He confused me for a moment and he explained that my daughter was very cute and I'd have to beat the boys away from the door with a stick.

I didn't say anything but pointed to a target held onto the refrigerator door with a magnet that had most of the 10 ring shot out. He said "You don't think you're going to intimate the boys with your targets do you?" I looked at him and replied "You don't think I'd put one of MY targets on the 'fridge do you? That's her target." My daughter is on the small side but at that point she had been taking kick boxing for 6 years, had been winning arguments with her older brother, who topped out at 6'4", AND she is a red head. Her brother and I would always have backed her up of course.

Now the guy it looks like she is planning on marrying seems like a nice kid. he graduates from OSU with a degree in Accounting this summer, has a black belt in some form of martial arts AND shows up to help when I declare a work day at the house.
 
I am blessed with 2 very cute blonde, blue eyed grand daughters (glad I'm not in my sons shoes) I sure won't tell them the same things as I told my son when he was young. We have them at our house quit a bit so I got a t shirt that says grandpas rules, I have a beautiful grand daughter, a gun and a backhoe tread softly.
 
Well for all of you guys that have daughters, listen to this. I have a son who is 15. Here are my rules as far as him dating girls.
1. He is to be very respectful at ALL times.
2. He is to be nice to the girl and parents at ALL times.
3. He will go to the front door and KNOCK when he goes to her house to pick her up.
4. I told him not to be intimidated by any girls dad but to be respectful of him and his family.
5. For those of you that have a favorite pistol and plan on showing it to him, he is to ask you if he can show you his favorite pistol the next time he visits, unloaded of course. BTW-He has a new blued National Match Colt Gold cup.
6. Go ahead and clean your gun. He might ask if you need some help. He might also tell you that he reloads as well.
7. Go ahead and put your rifle out on the counter. He has 2 AR's, one he built, and 4 deer rifles. He will not be intimidated by a gun. As a matter of fact he will probably look it over.
8. He will probably be driving my old 1979 lifted GMC with a modified engine and a 4 speed. You have nothing to worry about. He can't get far because it uses a lot of gasoline. He will be too busy shifting gears and trying to carry on a conversation with your daughter to try anything stupid. But be aware- girls like the truck. Just sayin..
9. Oh and the backhoe, he might ask you if you need a hole dug because he can run one of those as well.
10. Did someone mention changing the oil? Yes he can do that as well. And he will fill the oil filter with oil before he puts it in if the oil filter screws onto the engine vertically. Old school baby!
11. He WILL have your daughter home at least 10 minutes early.

Let's see did I miss anything? Let me also add that my son is 5'8, 135 pounds soaking wet, a long time 4-H member, a hunter, a shooter and a very quiet boy usually. He is not a smart aleck and definitely not a girl beater. You will have to get in line behind me if I ever hear of him hitting a girl and I do not care how old he is. As far as making the girl cry, I don't know but you can bet that he is probably going to be very upset as well. So how did I do? Does he meet any of you tough father's criteria out there? I might also add that he is a good shot with a rifle as well. I think I have tried really hard to prepare him for the rigors of teenage and young adult social life.

Edit- I forgot to add that he is life member of the NRA as well. I am also not sure about the 135 pounds, more like 125 if that.
 
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Shovel? Backhoe?

You guys are amatures.

A buddy of mine has three beautiful and intelligent daughters. And a lot full of pigs. "Now son...have you ever heard the old joke about 'went to xxxx and the hogs ate him?' It ain't a joke. CSI couldn't find you after a few hours in there."

And of course this is all tongue in cheek. He would never say that to one of his daughters boyfriends...at least not until he knew the kid well enough to know the kid would know it was a joke. He knows it would embarrass his girls more than it would scare the boys. Of course the boys know they're not going to get shot, buried, or fed to the hogs. It's just dads being dads.

I never had any daughters myself. I always said I'd build a 40 ft brick tower and keep them in it until they were 40. And keep their hair cut short. None of that Rapunzel nonsense around here. :D

I've got four sisters. My mother gave me the best advice ever. "You treat a girl the way you'd want a boy to treat your sisters."

Worked for me.
 
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