Need advice on how to handle a situation

I agree with the posters here who say that unpleasant as it is, it happens, and your daughter needs to accept it, and move on. Offering her a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, is the right thing for a father to do.

Part of growing up is learning to accept that people, adults, who as kids growing up we look up to as models of behavior, at times behave outrageously. I still remember the first time I realized that some outwardly appearing responsible adults flat out lie. I was junior guy in a management meeting and an older executive flatly denied that I had warned him earlier about a supply problem we were discussing with our retail business's owners. I was stunned.

But I don't see the downside to writing politely to the HR department at the hospital about the behavior of their execrable employee who uses the hospital's good name as a threat. Maybe they'll stick it in the nurse's file and it'll help one day to give her the heave-ho. And the store manager where your daughter works, if she tells him of the letter, can mention it when senior management asks him what happened. (If the irate customer actually follows through with her threat.)

And the behavior, as others note here, is not, unfortunately, an unusual experience in the retail world, so I don't think your daughter or her manager has anything to worry about.

She sounds like a good kid.
 
Check out "not always right" on the net and discover the joys of working with the public. Not all managers have their employees back, but no one is required by law to put up with abuse at work. Her boss had her back, but should have trespassed the "nurse" out the door with a warning to never come back. Surprisingly, the customer is actually rarely right, but is frequently an entitled ***** who knows they are wrong but want to get their way anyways. Customers can be fired.

Employers also have a legal, ethical and practical obligation to provide employees with a work environment that is free of harassment and discrimination.
 
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You did not provide any information as to the actual nature of the issue, so it is very hard to judge the situation as a whole.

I am not at all casting doubt on your daughter's distress and feelings of being verbally abused, but to a dispassionate observer it would be important to know whether this lady did have a legitimate complaint to begin with which set her off.

You may have a clearer picture, but trying to MacGyver a retaliatory intervention from afar, contacting the supposed employer of somebody whose identity you're not positive about and whom you've never met, regarding a situation you were in no way involved in, seems a bad idea from any perspective.

It also disrespects your daughter as an adult.
 
How exactly is Dad going to report it to the Hospital? He wasn't there. Did anyone get the nurses full name?


Dear Hospital, One of your Nurses was disrespectful to my daughter at XYZ store. No I don't know what was said but please take care of it for me,

How about working at a job where we got "I pay your salary" all the time??


Oh so you are the one? Would now be a bad time to ask you for a raise??:D
 
Anything you put in writing is just hearsay.....you weren't there to see or hear it first hand. How would you know the name of the nurse, if your daughter shared that with you is she breaching store policy on how employees handle customer's personal identification? It is the store's responsibility to protect her and provide for a harassment free environment and that means from customers too, not just co-workers or bosses.....the store has processes for handling employee complaints regarding work environment issues. Have her follow that process with HR if she feels that she needs to further address the harassing customer. The store also has support services like Employee Assistance Programs that can help her get through the anguish of such an encounter with counseling etc., these are modern times corporate America has processes in place to protect and support your daughter.....they even have their own no fly lists so to speak that won't allow customers back.....have her take advantage of them.
 
Somewhere in the tirade against Faith and her manager, the woman somehow "bragged" about being a nurse at Tallahassee General Hospital.....

Now I want to contact HR at TGH and file a complaint of my own. Am I justified in doing so since she volunteered her place of employment?

You are not justified in getting involved in any all. Not at your daughter's company nor the woman's place of employment.
This is a life lesson for your daughter.
She has to decide for herself what she will and will not tolerate in the way other people treat her. Situations like this one will help her figure it out.



And besides, the whole situation has nothing to do with the hospital where the lady works.

What are you going to do? Call the hospital and tell them that the lady is a jerk?
She works there..... they already know. :D
 
Even if you would be justified in going to the employer of the person who berated your daughter it could open you to a world of expensive legal hurt.

Treat your daughter to what she likes doing best and ask to come along
Love and support from a parent is the best recourse
 
I can't see how you can justify sending something to the crab-apple's place of employment since you weren't a witness to what happened. If anything, the manager should have evicted this unruly jerk woman out of the store and the manager would have been justified in doing so.

Your daughter showed very good restraint in not going off on this raging fool. I know that if she had threatened me to go to corporate, I would have given her a valid reason to do so. I guess that's why I have never worked retail, as I just don't have the patience to put up with blowhards and fools.;)
 
A few days before Valentines Day I was at a CVS pharmacy buying cards for our three grandchildren. Some whiny female dog was ahead of me in line. Her two kids were running all around and one tripped and slammed into my right hip, cutting his forehead on the belt clip of my Vedder IWB holster. He was bleeding pretty good, the mom was screaming. I turned my phone on video and filmed it all, along with the label on her prescription lying on the counter. I told her I had her name and address if I woke up sore the next day. I paid for my cards and left, still filming her screeching about little precious's injury.

I think I went above and beyond considering nothing was my fault. Rude people deserve no special consideration and don't receive any from me. That shoe store customer deserves to suffer.
 

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In between getting her A.A. then going the last two years to get her B.A. in Psychology
my Daughter worked at a local Dunkin' Donuts as a "Shift Leader" which is Mgr without the $$

She had to handle Rude customers on almost a daily basis and often came home upset
(She eventually gave her notice after 3 years)

Yes, its very hard seeing our children upset; BUT she learned a great deal from it
and she still has loyal former customers who remember her Positively

Her job currently right after getting her B.A. is as a Juvenile Trauma Crisis Manager
She learned lots of life lessons "slinging coffee" and is better for it

Did I ever have to intervene? No because despite her being very upset
I KNEW she could handle it and would come out ahead
 
My apologies for not getting back to this thread sooner. I wrote my original post early this morning while I was eating a quick bite before heading out the door(I normally try to head out by 5:15), so I didn't have time to put a lot of thought into what I was writing, along with the fact that I was still pretty upset.

I want to thank everyone for their wise council and kind words. The Bible tells us to seek the council of many, and I consider all of you very wise peers.

Yes, I've had time to calm down a lot, but I am still upset about the whole episode. Faith's manager who witnessed the altercation actually reached out to my wife today to ask how she was doing and confirmed nearly verbatim what Faith had told us. The manager had emailed a report of the incident to DSW's corporate HR department, ostensibly to counter any complaint filed against the two of them by the customer. My wife says the manager apologized for not stepping in sooner and said she couldn't believe what this woman was actually saying to Faith.

It started when the customer was trying to use a coupon on her phone that came from a grey website, if not actually fraudulent. Faith tells me this is something that is quite common they deal with. And when they tell a customer it's not actually a DSW coupon and explain it, a customer will usually say something like "oh, I didn't know that...good to know" or something along those lines. The barcode on the coupon will come up as invalid and it's no big deal. This woman flew right into a rage and claimed it had to be valid and wanted Faith to do an over ride on the barcode. The more Faith tried to calmly explain she couldn't do that, the more enraged this woman became. She began hurling insults starting with how incompetent minimum wage retail cashiers are, then began using some very profane language in a very loud voice. The part about her being a nurse at TGH came out when she compared how she was being treated as a customer to how she treats her patients and would be fired in a second if she did this.

At that point Faith said she was shaking uncontrollably and she was starting to cry and quickly excused herself before she really broke down. The manager took over and somehow calmed the customer down enough to let her complete her purchase at full price. The manager told my wife she had never seen anyone act like this customer did in public and was shaking with emotion herself and just wanted to finish the transaction, get the woman to leave, and go check on Faith. At the very end the customer said she wanted to file a formal complaint against Faith and that "that little ***** ought to get fired for treating her so rudely". Well, that just really pissed her off she said and evidently she really laced into this woman and told her off pretty well. She got a small round of applause even from the customers waiting in line and the woman grabbed her bag and stormed off saying both she and my daughter would be hearing from corporate when she filed complaints.

So yeah, I wasn't actually there, but have corroboration that it was a pretty bad scene. Maybe some of you think my daughter is a little snowflake princess who needs to grow a thicker skin and grow up. But I have to say if it was as bad as it seems to have been that in all of my 58 years no one has ever treated me like that and those who started down that road were quickly put in their place.

Yes, I've been accused of being a helicopter parent and I spoil Faith a lot. I had a lot of anxiety over her moving 400 miles away to go to school, and if her older brother wasn't already up there, I may not have agreed to it. But it was her dream and she worked so incredibly hard to make it happen. When we came back from taking her up there, I went into her room and saw all the pictures and cheerleading memorabilia, it really hit me hard and I sat down on the floor and cried for the first time in many years.

My wife took the high road and "open letter" approach, mostly as catharsis I think. She is very upset as well and I hope she doesn't take it any further. The first thing she did was track her down on social media, so yeah, we know who she is and a lot about her.

Here is the open letter my wife posted on her own social media page. Her words are probably more eloquent than mine:


An open letter to Latanya(the woman who verbally assaulted and attacked my daughter at her job yesterday)

You obviously were either having a bad day or just a bad life to think that your behavior towards our 18 year old daughter was in any way justified. Your hostility was unprovoked and your demeanor well beneath what any decent human should have, much less than what someone who may work in the healthcare field should be displaying in public.

Let me tell you what you did to our child. She already suffers from anxiety and the mere fact that she puts herself out there in the retail world to get through college is a miracle in itself, but you decided make her suffer even more yesterday and for no apparent reason other than she was attempting to do her job that she loves. Our daughter worked hard all through high school and graduated with over a 4.0 gpa. She not only received a high school diploma but also a 2 year associates degree while only 17 years old. She has worked in retail since she was 16 and has earned an opportunity to finish her degree at Florida State University in Tallahassee. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body and goes above and beyond to be both professional and pleasant to everyone she meets. And then came you.

You literally had no self awareness yesterday as you continued to escalate your anger and targeted our daughter because it was convenient for you. You must have felt so powerful to publicly humiliate her and torture her right in front of her manager who witnessed the entire episode. I could have been any customer in that store and watched you scream at and belittle an innocent young girl all because you were not getting the answers you were expecting. As a victim of your tirade, our daughter began to shake uncontrollably and had to excuse herself from your attacks as she was crying so hard and was practically inconsolable.

Obviously you know nothing about what it is like to struggle with anxiety and how an ambush like your offensive and intimidating performance made her literally fear for her life. No one should ever have to be subjected to such bullish behavior and for what??? Not being able to use a bogus coupon to apply to your purchase? And even after your belligerent display was witnessed, you still had the audacity to try and file a complaint against HER? Seriously??


I pray to God that if you do work in the medical field at Tallahassee Memorial Hospital that no patient is ever dependent on you for their medical care or their personal well being. You owe our daughter an apology and if you are any kind of a real woman, you will humble yourself and ask her to forgive you. We all have bad days, but we all don't have to treat young girls trying to work their way through college like our own personal punching bag. We consider ourselves to be very understanding parents, but you took your "bad day" way too far and you caused intense mental anguish and real fear to another human being… Not just ANYONE, our little girl, and I'm sure if you are a mother, you would feel the same way if someone did this to YOUR child.
 
I dealt with the public for 50 years. You learn that for every 100 people you deal with you'll run into one a*****e. Your daughter just went through one of life's learning moments. This will help her become a big girl. Let her and her boss handle it.

One of my favorite stories about a situation like this was once the owner of the company I worked 35 years for, Joe, got chewed out in the parking lot by a fairly regular, ill mannered customer who didn't know who he was dealing with. The customer demanded to know who Joe's boss was. Joe promptly let him know that he owned the (fill in the blank) place and he could consider his account closed and he was no longer welcomed at any place we owned in the country. The next morning every store, office, sales rep, and employee got a letter saying that if this customer as much as parks in the parking lot he was to be told in no uncertain terms to leave promptly and we did work other companies just couldn't do. Made me wish I had that kind of power. Eventually I came pretty close, Joe passed away and I got most of his responsibilities, I just wasn't an owner. Gives you something to shoot for at work. I got to tell quite a few trouble makers where they could put it.
 
Just because the woman said she was a nurse at Tallahassee General does not mean that she actually is a nurse at Tallahassee General.


People lie.

I misspoke...it's actually Tallahassee Memorial Hospital. My company has been doing a lot of work at Tampa General, so I had the general stuck in my head.
 
She let the manager handle it and if any complaints come down he can handle those too. This is a life lesson. You WILL run into people like that. Support your daughter, but don't fight her fights unless necessary.

Since the woman wasn't on her job, it's not use complaining to her workplace.

BINGO!
Sadly, this is more the norm than the exception these days. I deal with this kind of issue multiple times a day during an eight hour shift.
We live in an entitlement mentality society where it is me first and me alone.

If I had a penny for every complaint filed on me over the years, I'd be the richest man in the universe!
 
I worked in retail for many years, including management. And so did my wife. The world is absolutely full of people who will do the very thing you describe in order to try and get what they want.

This lady will never change her ways and will likely teach her children to do the same. The flip side of the coin is she very likely knew the coupon was fake and blustered to try to get a discount anyway.

That lady probably tries this tactic often. I doubt very seriously she will file a complaint with DSW, but even if she does, the DM will come to the manager and your daughter to get their side of the story first. Then, the DM will likely give a token store credit to the lady as goodwill and to de-escalate. Unfair, but that's retail.

You're a good dad. You taught your daughter well. Let her show you the things you taught her. Let her handle it.
 
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