I've been dating an awsome woman for many months who is quite beautiful, caring, loving, giving, and intelligent. She is an accounting mangager for a defense contractor and she is very polished in her professional appearance and her communication. There is however, one thing that bugs me a little about her. In conversation she will use the phrase "I seen" instead of saying "I saw", as in "I was driving home and I seen this stray dog". I know some regions of the U.S. may consider this acceptable local grammar, but it strikes me as poor grammar. Now I love this gal enough that she could talk like Porky The Pig and I would still be glad to keep her, but it does bug me a little and I wonder if it would hinder her climb up the professional ladder. Any thoughts on how/if to tell her?
Poor grammar?
- Thread starter Farmer17
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mstuhr
Member
Howdy
Hi Farmer,
You asked so here is my two cents.
I dont think there are many relationships anywhere that a person isn't better off to overlook some things.
She might be grateful you brought it up, or she might react as if you told her that she has a big butt and dresses funny.
If she is all those things you say to you I'd focus on them and let it be.
Good luck
Mike
Hi Farmer,
You asked so here is my two cents.
I dont think there are many relationships anywhere that a person isn't better off to overlook some things.
She might be grateful you brought it up, or she might react as if you told her that she has a big butt and dresses funny.
If she is all those things you say to you I'd focus on them and let it be.
Good luck
Mike
pete-driver
Member
Tim Wilson did a song about this. He still seems happy.
YouTube - Tim Wilson - I Married a Woman Who Talks like Jerry Reed
YouTube - Tim Wilson - I Married a Woman Who Talks like Jerry Reed
Part "briar" added to your list of excellent qualities that she exudes, hain't that bad! 
rags
rags
george minze
Member
Heck be a man and tell her about your displeasure with her speech. Then go to some library and find a dumpy book worm to date....Are you nuts or are you just trying to twist our tails. I'll bet you would want to comment on her cooking to.....Not at my house, I love domestic tranquility. I'll bet you don't like Reba 's twank ether????
walter o
Member
if it bothers you their are other problems that you are not talking about . if she has all the abilities to hold the position's you say then you best get over her grammer or leave . Or did i mean grama
BarbC
Member
You can't say anything.
My husband Charlie was a blue-collar Ford assembly line worker who said "ain't" and "supposably", "I seen" and a slew of double-negatives and everything else and I figured during the first month we dated that he'd just be a good time for the time being, but here we are 10 years later and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Oh and by the way - if corporate felt it was a problem, they would tell her. You keep out of it but be supportive in a constructive manner if they do bring it up ("I know childhood speech habits are hard to break but if this is what they want, and if you're determined to get ahead with them, then you'll have to make that effort").
And maybe corporate likes her just the way she is because she comes across as genuine and sincere.
Stay out of it unless you're dragged in kicking and screaming. And then be as gentle and supportive as you can. Women despise criticism. Trust me.
My husband Charlie was a blue-collar Ford assembly line worker who said "ain't" and "supposably", "I seen" and a slew of double-negatives and everything else and I figured during the first month we dated that he'd just be a good time for the time being, but here we are 10 years later and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Oh and by the way - if corporate felt it was a problem, they would tell her. You keep out of it but be supportive in a constructive manner if they do bring it up ("I know childhood speech habits are hard to break but if this is what they want, and if you're determined to get ahead with them, then you'll have to make that effort").
And maybe corporate likes her just the way she is because she comes across as genuine and sincere.
Stay out of it unless you're dragged in kicking and screaming. And then be as gentle and supportive as you can. Women despise criticism. Trust me.
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OP
I've dated her 8 months and if that's the worse thing I can find to complain about her, then I'd be so happy I'd do cartwheels with a sparkler in my butt. I mainly was just wondering if it would hurt her in the corporate workplace since she is seeking some pretty high level management positions.
TNDixieGirl
Member
Hearing "I seen" bugs the life out of me too. You aren't alone. Whether you say anything about it or not is totally up to you.
35Rem
Member
THAT was funny! I love Tim Wilson. He's a nut!
back on topic...that type of stuff makes me nuts, too. Spelling is another. My wife is a member of "Bad Spellers of the World Untie."
I kid her about it, but she isn't a professional, either. It would hurt her career if she were.
That's a tough one. Depends on how good you two get along as to whether you should try to correct it. I think I would.
5_Is_Alive
Member
Some pretty humorous responses here. 
My 2 cents goes something like this:
If in conversation she happens to say the phrase in question, kindly say, "I love the way to talk..."
When she asks what you mean, just tell her that you love the way she says "I seen" instead of "I saw." Then at least she's aware of it. I wouldn't take it much further than that...
Jason
My 2 cents goes something like this:
If in conversation she happens to say the phrase in question, kindly say, "I love the way to talk..."
When she asks what you mean, just tell her that you love the way she says "I seen" instead of "I saw." Then at least she's aware of it. I wouldn't take it much further than that...
Jason
rburg
Absent Comrade
I grew up in a family where any infraction was called on the spot. I have tortured views on it now. My long time gun show buddy had a wife who was an English teacher. He got away with nothing. It was pretty funny to watch, and she occasionally was tempted to correct me. I didn't care or mind.
But after a weekend of John and I being together, I always managed to get him to relax and talk like a good ole boy. She just had to get used to it!
The situation at hand is different. Some people, especially in a dating situation, might take great offense. You need to be the judge on it. If it irritates you enough, take the risk of offending her. Just remember there may be a bad outcome. She may just clam up and be afraid to speak around you. Weigh the consequences.
But after a weekend of John and I being together, I always managed to get him to relax and talk like a good ole boy. She just had to get used to it!
The situation at hand is different. Some people, especially in a dating situation, might take great offense. You need to be the judge on it. If it irritates you enough, take the risk of offending her. Just remember there may be a bad outcome. She may just clam up and be afraid to speak around you. Weigh the consequences.
gr8AmericanBash
Member
We can all weigh in, but it's all useless without pics!
BarbC
Member
feralmerril
Absent Comrade
I am the very last who should give imput on the matter as I am the worst speller here. BUT I used to live with a highly educated english woman for 13 years that corrected me habitualy for 13 years!
I am now married to a woman that spells worse than I do, if thats possible! I never had it better than now! This one never ever corrects me and does everything she can to back me up etc.
If experience counts, I am here to tell you, keep your mouth shut!
I am now married to a woman that spells worse than I do, if thats possible! I never had it better than now! This one never ever corrects me and does everything she can to back me up etc.
If experience counts, I am here to tell you, keep your mouth shut!
bmx
Member
Hey Man,
Is she an Okie????? If so this is a normal speech pattern along with Ima needin and Ima fixin.
Roll with it a take her out to Junior's on Northwest Highway for a great steak dinner.........
Is she an Okie????? If so this is a normal speech pattern along with Ima needin and Ima fixin.
Roll with it a take her out to Junior's on Northwest Highway for a great steak dinner.........
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oldRoger
US Veteran
To the OP’s point, In most corporate circles “I seen” or “axed instead of asked” will indeed be a stumbling block. Not many will be good enough in other aspects of their jobs to avoid being pigeon-holed by improper grammar.
Fortunately for me poor spelling is a bit easier to overcome, since clients and the public don’t see it.
Far better for her to hear this from a co-worker rather than you. Girlfriends/wives do not take this sort of “he means well” correction from significant others well at all; you can trust me on this point.
Fortunately for me poor spelling is a bit easier to overcome, since clients and the public don’t see it.
Far better for her to hear this from a co-worker rather than you. Girlfriends/wives do not take this sort of “he means well” correction from significant others well at all; you can trust me on this point.
41Rem
Member
Grammar
Hay farmer, I feel your pain. I just let it go. The words are not coming out of my mouth (or yours) even though I'm standing right next to her. I (cudnt) couldn't believe what I was hearing. But like I said let it go. I do any how. Grammar and manners are my pet peevs. I should talk I can't spell worth a crap.
Hay farmer, I feel your pain. I just let it go. The words are not coming out of my mouth (or yours) even though I'm standing right next to her. I (cudnt) couldn't believe what I was hearing. But like I said let it go. I do any how. Grammar and manners are my pet peevs. I should talk I can't spell worth a crap.
Pick and choose very carefully here. My wife does the "supposably" like Barbs hubby, and I just let it go, now going on 33 years.
I presume that she knows you have guns, and no complaints there, so I'll let her "seen" anything she wants to.
I presume that she knows you have guns, and no complaints there, so I'll let her "seen" anything she wants to.
There’s a time and a place for everything. Maybe she’s smart enough to weigh her words in a business setting, and she only lets her hair down around those she’s close to.
Next time, use spell check. Please don’t take that personally, I could care less… but how do you like it!
Wowie zowie! Hot, smart, kind, and has a good job… You’re a very lucky man!
What are you thinking? Get over it and don‘t say a word.
bigcatonhd
Member
My wife says you should let it go or she should let YOU go.
4330Inroute
Member
If you decide to take the correction route allow me to suggest that you take a cardboard box and a pillow with seat belt attatchment with you. She is going to take everything you've given her and throw it into her front yard then proceed to throw you out on your butt. Hence the cardboard box to collect your stuff and a pillow (strapped on) to land on. Each of us has our faults and that is what makes us unique in this world. Her formative years are behind her and to try to change her would be wrong and disastrous. Accept what is there and enjoy her company.
My wife has been working on me since day one, she has succeeded to a point but after 30 years I believe she has accepted the fact that I'm as socialized as I am going to get. I have learned to play with others although I still will not share my toys. Good luck.
My wife has been working on me since day one, she has succeeded to a point but after 30 years I believe she has accepted the fact that I'm as socialized as I am going to get. I have learned to play with others although I still will not share my toys. Good luck.
ky wonder
US Veteran
a beautiful caring woman that talks like that is a waste of your time, and i hate to see a fellow farmer suffer, so my suggestion to you is send here down here where her grammar will fit rite in, and she wont hang on the vine long before someone will sure enough pick her up and off'n that vine before she spoils.
she sound like she belongs in the land of sweet tea and sweeter women, and where the men know how to appreciate the finer things in life, like good women, better guns and great dogs
she sound like she belongs in the land of sweet tea and sweeter women, and where the men know how to appreciate the finer things in life, like good women, better guns and great dogs
NCTexan
US Veteran
Since you asked, my two cents.
If something (easily correctable) bothers you during the beginning of a long term relationship... when every thing is new and exciting.... it will become more of an issue later on when things cool down to normal.
I'd do her a favor and mention it politely. If you can't talk about things as trivial as that, how will you handle the big deals?
Abigail van Buren
If something (easily correctable) bothers you during the beginning of a long term relationship... when every thing is new and exciting.... it will become more of an issue later on when things cool down to normal.
I'd do her a favor and mention it politely. If you can't talk about things as trivial as that, how will you handle the big deals?
Abigail van Buren
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venomballistics
Member
you have to take the warts with the beauty ... its a package deal.
you may or may not be able to retrain her on a quirk or two, but dont press your luck.
if you do too much remodeling, the walls cave in.
you may or may not be able to retrain her on a quirk or two, but dont press your luck.
if you do too much remodeling, the walls cave in.
bellevance
Member
This is sensible advice. If it bothers you enough to bring it up on a forum like this one, it's not going to go away. And I can sympathize. I have met a number of women with admirable attributes whose language skills are compromised by stigmatizing usage. It would certainly bother me.
I'm an English prof who works with adult college students, many of whom are prone to similar fundamental errors in grammar and usage. Often, in business settings, this kind of mistake is noticed but deliberately overlooked, just as you have overlooked it so far.
You write that this woman "is very polished in her professional appearance and her communication," but given the basic grammar trouble that you have cited, I have to say that I'm skeptical that she is polished in her communication. This kind of error falls into a category of substandard colloquialisms and mistakes that many people make routinely, because no one has ever corrected them--and because many others who may have noted them (negatively) have been too polite or uninvested to mention them to her.
Anyone at any stage in life can improve her diction and usage, especially if she is making basic mistakes that she has simply ignored or not been aware of. You are in a position to provide her with some awareness--kindly and gently. The issue here is that the error in question is very probably not the only such error, and errors like this, in a professional situation, can prejudice a listener against a speaker in subtle ways that may never be discussed. I think she needs to know that you have noticed this small error and that she can, with no trouble, focus on eliminating it from her speech.
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Tread lightly, my friend, and take a good, hard look in the mirror before you start offering others self improvement tips.
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