Stupid Things Uttered by Auto Parts Store Workers

[BuckeyeChuck]

I'm cheap, which means I buy used cars that have lost most of their market value. There are only two kinds of used cars: those that have broken, and those that will break again. Since I'm cheap, I fix the used cars my cheapness compels me to buy. This means I have spent quite a bit of time at the parts counters of various auto parts stores, chief of which are Auto Zone and Advance Auto Parts.

Over the years I've heard a lot of stupid things from the people who man the counters. They don't know me; they don't know if I'm educated, or in what; they don't know how experienced I am, or not; and they don't know how knowledgeable I am about cars. Over time I've learned to keep my mouth more closed than usual when speaking with somebody I don't know, because I might make a fool of myself emphatically saying something erroneous in an area of their expertise. Apparently, auto store parts counter workers lack this insight because over the years I've heard some incorrect and stupid stuff from these guys.

I understand why they do this. They think that working behind an auto parts store counter gives them credibility. They must know what they're talking about because, you know, they work at an auto parts store. Duh. See the brand on the shirt? He *works* there. You just shop there. Never mind that there are decades of cars from scores of manufacturers offering hundreds of models in literally thousands of variations, or that each vehicle has between 3500 and 5500 parts. Just look at the shirt! It tells you all you need to know about the container of automotive part awesomeness who condescends to spend a little of his time helping you purchase a part that you really don't understand anyway. Maybe someday you can work there and get a shirt like his. I know I aspire to this lofty position in life. It's all about the shirt.

I own a 2003 Ford Focus ZX5. It had the factory rotors on it until today, and with 107,XXX miles on the clock, those rotors were pretty ratty. I had procured discs and pads and descended upon my Focus's front wheels about 10:30 AM. Discs and pads should only take about an hour, and that long only because I always work at a leisurely pace. Well, on the right front I attempted to put the new pads in the caliper and they didn't fit. Comparison to the pads just removed showed they were completely different. Huh. How could The Shirt have done this? So, to my displeasure I got in my other car (after completing an oil change I was doing at the same time as the brakes on the Focus) and headed back to the store.

I explained that they didn't fit, showed The Shirt the pads just removed, and said I'd need something that fit. I told The Shirt I wanted semi-metallic pads so whatever he had in semi-metallic that looked like the parts in my bag, that's what I wanted. The Shirt peered down at me and said they didn't have any semi-metallic pads and that I wouldn't be able to find them. I replied "Oh, I bet I will be able to find them." And then The Shirt uttered something that ranks highly on the list of Stupid Things Auto Parts Counter Workers Say:

"Semi-metallic has been discontinued because they are damaging. They damage your car, whch is why most cars come with organic pads."

I admit to a moment of disbelief. What I wanted to say was "Ah, so I see that your shirt came with a degree in mechanical engineering." I would find this comment particularly funny because while I don't have his shirt, I do have a degree in mechanical engineering and actually studied disc brakes as part of a three-quarter machine design course that was part of the core curriculum. But I just scowled and told him I would shop at his competitor because he wanted me to pay $55 for a set of ceramic pads, when what I wanted a $35 set of semi-metallic brake pads. After receiving my money back, I drove 200 yards down the street to their largest national competitor, wherein I found not one, not two, but three variations of semi-metallic pads which looked just like the parts I removed from my car.

Sadly, the tale doesn't end there. I put the LF pads on and secured everything, including the wheel. I went to the RF wheel and inserted the pads, only to have a retaining tab on the outboard pad snap off as I attempted to put a retaining wire clip into its final position. So I disassembled both brakes again, got in my other car again, and got a third set of pads. I'm pleased to say that my Focus has shiny new discs and pads (of the semi-metallic variety) and for my troubles I got to tell this story.

What other stupid things have the shadetree mechanics on this forum heard from the people behind the counter at their parts stores?

 

[BaldEagle1313]

Oh my gosh, there are so many.

When the kid (who looks like he's twelve years old) says "what's a Datsun?" and I had to tell him to try looking under "Nissan".

 

[doby]

I needed a spark plug boot remover. So I asked the young man I needed one, his reply...."Don't make 'em, just pull 'em off with your hand.". So I stroll down the aisles, found one, went to pay for it and his reply, "When did they start making these and what aisle did you find this?" Ah.........

 

[4011]

Tell them exactly what you want and they need to look it up . What year is the car. 1932 Ford/350 chevy/350trans/8inch ford/a/c. Then you get the deer in the headlites....

 

[BuckeyeChuck]

Oh! I have another from the past few days. The Focus has 100,000 double platinum spark plugs and at 107,000 miles, that means it's time to change them. I went to the auto parts store and told The Shirt that I wanted four OEM plugs for my Ford Focus. After clicking through the computer, he looks at me and says "What brand was that?"

I said, "Motorcraft. It's a Ford." See, Shirts, if you want to talk the puff, you need to know the stuff.

 

[writerinmo]

I don't get this anymore from "The Shirts"... because I go online to their site, look up the part, write down the part number, walk in, hand them the paper and tell them "I need this".

 

[tacreload]

I feel your pain cause ya see I have been managing auto parts store for the better part of a quarter century.Not the big box stores like Advance or the Zone but trying to find intelligent workers these days that are willing to learn is like trying to find a corner in a round room.On the other hand I have over the years heard and witnessed some stellar brain power on the part of the customer too.Guy on the phone wants plugs for his car and I ask him if it was a 4cyl or 6cyl.How would I know that was his response.Or the time a guy wanted parts for his car and there was a choice of two 4cyl motors.One was 1.8 the other being 2.0 to which he replied "It's gotta be the smaller one cause it ain't very fast goin' up hill".Then there was the guy who would jump out of his truck and run to the back of his truck and do it again and again,probably 3 or 4 times before I couldn't take it any more and went outside to ask him what he was doing."I'm tryin' to see which brakelight is burned out he said."These are all true ,I've got many more but really I am trying to forget cause it scares me.

 

[David LaPell]

When I tell him the goofy kid (who looks like he escaped puberty a week ago) that I need something for a Ford F-100 and he tells me "You mean F-150 right? They don't have F-100's.) At that point in time i kind of want to talk to his dad or whoever is in charge of him at that point.
Another one that is fun to use. When they ask (or any other place) "Are you waiting in line?" The answer to use (and I have) is "Nope I am an undercover Jehovah witness just waiting to spread the good word." Works pretty good.

 

[Kelly Green]

I remember the days when we still had mom and pop auto parts stores. If you traded there a few times, the owner knew your name. If you brought in a part and laid it on the counter, he would say, ’Got one in the back, I’ll get it.’ These were the folks who knew cars and the parts that made them run and they took pride in that knowledge. Things never seem to change for the better.

 

[m1gunner]

Just about every vehicke I own is older than the "shirts" these days.

As I always have a back-up vehicle (or 2), I just order on line for everything except oil. Even got a complete Honda timing belt kit on line, and it was correct and had everything I needed to do that painful job.

I did my time as a "shirt", so I know mistakes happen, but no one would understand what dealing with consumers is really like without having actually worked day in and day out with them.

Was never a LEO, but I can kinda understand why, after a while, some of them feel EVERYONE is guilty, they just haven't been caught yet.

 

[DWFAN]

This is a very amusing thread. I have been a "shirt" for 45 years. I enjoy the occasional BYM that knows what they are doing. 90% of the folks I talk to really don't have a clue but being the true professional that I am I always try to help. I'd say there is a true 25% that should never touch anything mechanical. They are absolutely sure of what is wrong with the car and know how to fix it because they saw it on the internet. I joyfully sell these folks what they want with no argument and then refuse to take back the part they just tried and didn't fix the problem. I could go on and on but really good counter men are either working in dealerships or are very very old.
DW

 

[65kaiser]

I like to restore old jeeps and old tractors so I am constantly using parts for an application that they were not originally intended. Because of this finding a Shirt that can think outside the box is very difficult. There is one shirt at the Advanced Auto that I frequent that is always whining and complaining about my requests so I try and avoid him when possible. There is a very helpful girl that I prefer to use. One day while waiting for my regular girl the other idiot asks me why can't he help me and I replied... I come here for parts and all you ever give me is attitude! funny since then he doesn't even look my way. Problem solved!!

 

[Erich]

Chuck, that was well-written and amusing - thanks. I'm sure there are many folks working in parts stores who know what they're doing, but I enjoyed reading your rant and can relate to the needful urge to rant.

 

[Peter M. Eick]

My brother is one of those shirts by choice. He has been at it about 30 years now and is exceptionally knowledgeable about the parts and what they go to.

You should hear his stories about customers. The stupid things that folks say to the shirts will make you cringe.

Most of his stories go like this. Someone comes in and says "i want one of these" and plunks a part on the counter. So bro says what car did "it" come off of? A yellow one is the answer. No, what make and model? A yellow one with big tires and it don't run but I want one of these.

You can picture the conversation goes down hill from there.

Just remember some of those shirts are doing the job because they don't want to work for the man. Also don't underestimate them, some may have multiple PhD's and post-docs in materials engineering, electrical engineering and mathematics.

 

[amazingflapjack]

One of the tech writers in a Motorcycle Mag puts true stuff of this nature in his column. One that stands out is about a guy who came to a bike shop parts counter and asked for a "new flint for his starter." The parts guy asked him to repeat his request, and he explained that his bike wouldn't start, and he needed a new flint for the starter.

 

[snowman]

Interesting thread. I too drive well-used vehicles and do nearly all my own repair work. I've bought parts at AutoZone, Advance, O'Reilly, NAPA stores, CarCraft, etc. I guess I've been fortunate in that I don't recall running into the kind of counter person described by Chuck. I have gotten upset at times over an aftermarket part that doesn't fit. I don't really see an excuse for that. I bought a fuel filter for a Toyota Corolla at Advance that had an inlet fitting that was too long. The steel fuel line entering the fitting was so designed that it absolutely could not be reshaped to fit. I had to return the filter and get the OEM part from the dealer at a much higher price. Oh well...

Andy


P.S. One other story: Last summer I had to replace the CV half shafts on my Civic and bought remanufactured ones from NAPA. I discovered after getting them home and installing them that neither of the outboard joints on them were any good. Lesson learned; new ones only from now on.

 

[mkk41]

Most of the big discount auto stores hire high school kids. Fine for cleaning and maintenance supplies.
When I need PARTS , I deal with NAPA. The older guys at the local NAPA have been there since I first walked in 20yrs ago. They know their stuff and they know me by name. They know what points & condenser I need for the Morris magneto on my '50 Pan or what ones fit my stock '68 Shovel. Never get a wrong parts from them either. Never get a 'core charge' , they know I'll bring back a core.

Plus I truly believe NAPA stuff is better quality than the other chains.

 

[anoblefox]

I typically always replace an older battery long before it craps out leaving me or my wife stranded. I measure the battery box and attempt to fit the largest battery that will fit. When I go to Sears to get a new diehard, I take the old one for a core. They ALWAYS ask what year and make and model it fits. I tell them it is for a 48 studebaker (even though it is not!) and ask for a particular part number that I have already looked up online. That is the only way I can get what I want in the least amount of time without a big hassle.

 

[BuckeyeChuck]

Also don't underestimate them, some may have multiple PhD's and post-docs in materials engineering, electrical engineering and mathematics.

Several things come to mind:

(1) I'd wager that the percentage of Shirts with an educational background such as you describe is sufficiently small as to insignificantly lessen the rate of breathtakingly brilliant utterances at part counters, some which I've been subjected to or witnessed over almost 20 years of patronizing auto parts retailers.

(2) I trust that a counter worker educated as you describe would also be smart enough not to invent ridiculousness like "semi-metallic damages your car".

(3) As a group, customers are certainly not more knowledgeable, and probably considerably less knowledgeable about their vehicles and parts than the Shirts. About 15 years ago, a man on a Fiero mailing list (I've had and still have multiple copies of the fabulous flaming plastic fantastic) told me that if I'd just put some 20W-50 between my hands and rub them together, and then do the same with 5W-30, I'd immediately know why 20W-50 was a superior motor oil *and* why I should ignore GM's advice to use 5W-30 in favor of 20W-50. Yep, when you've got a degree in engineering, especially mechanical, and you spend time with other car enthusiasts, you quickly realize that their automotive ignorance is vast.

Let us all take heart. This maddening and humorous behavior is not limited to the auto parts counter. I design, develop, test, and productionize data warehouses for a living. I specialize in the multidimensional type of data warehouse (yes, there are types of data warehouses) and a type of non-relational database built for this type of warehouse called a "MOLAP" database. From 2004-2006 I did 18 months at a giant retailer HQ'd in Atlanta. During my stint there I sat through a sales presentation by IBM, who already had millions of dollars in hardware and software there but who was always trolling for more. They wanted to shove the non-IBM DW development projects out, to be replaced (of course) by millions of dollars in additional IBM database licenses. The woman driving the presentation actually said "Everybody knows that MOLAP stuff doesn't work."

This is amusing for several reason, but primarily because IBM was partnered with Hyperion, authors of the Essbase MOLAP database. My lone response to this nonsense was "Really? Do your partners at Hyperion know you think this?"

So I may love to hammer on The Shirts because I get a healthy dose of them from time to time, but The Suits are at least as bad!

 

[jframe]

As a parts man for the past 24 years who got his start with the "shirts" at Auto Zone, and more recently spent the past 18 years with Nissan, Toyota, and a Ford/Suzuki dealer, I feel your pain. The Zone was a good place to get my feet wet, not much good for anything else. Maybe you should try your local dealer FIRST. In my 18 years of dealership experience, I've discovered that not only many of our prices right in line with aftermarket, but that we also tend to know more about what we are looking for, since we BUILT the damn car to begin with. I LOVE when people come to me and tell me "have you got one of these; you're my last resort; I've tried everywhere else in town." Makes you feel VERY special, and really makes you want to be helpful. I get tired of having to preach the same speech about aftermarket parts. I've said it for years, pay me now, or pay me later. One reason aftermarket big box parts stores are cheaper is that their parts are NOT designed just specifically for your car. That part number may encompass several vehicles; just because it says it fits yours doesn't mean it doesn't fit something else. As for the mentality of the employees, most of them are lucky to get hired in at minimum wage, so it's not a really conducive environment to learning the business. You get what you pay for, and most of those guys want out of there and into a dealership environment as soon as they can find something. Don't get me wrong; I'm not knocking your rant at all. I can fully understand your frustration, but considering the companies you are dealing with, I would suggest your local dealer, if nothing else to compare and see. I have MANY customers who tell me that Auto Zone, Advance, O'Reilly's, etc., all show two or three different numbers for any given part, when, most of the time, I show only one, and that's the correct part for the vehicle. As far as the debate over semi metallic, organic, ceramic, Kryptonic, whatever, I leave that to the technicians, my job is NOT to tell someone how to fix it, only to supply the correct parts for them to do the job AFTER they diagnose the issue. If I could diagnose the problem, find the part, sell the part, AND tell them the install process, I would truly be an automotive God. Good luck, and if you have any Focus questions, I'll try to answer them to the best of my knowledge. (Even though, starting Monday, I'll be in the Hyundai business after seven years of Ford).