The first thing, take an inventory of what you have, room by room.
You'll probably find a lot of stuff you forgot about. Then go from there.
The things you find out after someone dies...
- Thread starter Ματθιας
- Start date
The first thing, take an inventory of what you have, room by room.
You'll probably find a lot of stuff you forgot about. Then go from there.
Ματθιας;142139720 said:
Thanks. A lot of my stuff is out in the open but there are some boxes I can go through. I think in some regards a 1930s mindset about saving everything came down to me.
StrawHat
Member
I have a different way of dealing with things. Start in one room, preferably the smallest one in the house. Pick something up. Decide which pile it goes to, "KEEP", "SELL", "TOSS", or "GIVE AWAY". It is not easy and you really need to be in the right frame of mind and you need to be honest with yourself. If you have not used it in years, get rid of it.
Good luck!
Kevin
I can remember watching my dad stash money between books as I mentioned earlier. When I got to Nam I was stationed on an LCU which had a crew of nine or ten, we had bunks and lockers. For some reason when I got paid I took a couple hundred in brand new MPC notes and stuck them in a bible I picked up along the way. If your not famililar with MPC, its what the military paid us while in an area like Vietnam instead of cash to avoid greenbacks going to the black market and eventually ending up in the hands of the "enemy". About every six months they would have a change of MPC which meant all the old bills had to be returned in exchange for a new printing, this kept an amount of control over the MPC notes being used on the black market as well and much easier to control. There was always a scramble on the part of the Vietnamese to exhange their ill gotten or in some cases legally obtained MPC. You were only allowed to exchange something like two paychecks worth and Vietnamese would often throw bags of the stuff over the wire to get it exhanged, loosing out big time. There was an exchange called and I was working on the boat, we were running up and down the coast and out to an island, it came down to crunch time and for the life of me I couldn't remember where I stashed the $200...probably a bit high at the time it seemed like a good idea or whatever, I missed the deadline...fast forward six months and I am getting ready to ship out back to the states, I'm going through my gear and run across this slightly mildewed bible and absently thumbed through it and out drift these two fresh as the day they were printed MPC notes...lesson learned, I think I still have them as a reminder and it makes a great story.
My wife's brother died in prison--long story--and had several hundred thousand in cash in a safety deposit box, on which my wife had a power of attorney to access it. Somewhere between the relatively short time when they opened the account and when he tried to kill his mother and other brother and then died in prison, all the money vanished. No clue as where the money went, but he didn't have any on him when arrested. As this post might lead you to think, yes, he was nuttier than a fruitcake.
otis24
Member
My in-laws lived in the same house for 40 years. They finally decided to sell their house and be full time RVers. They had an auction and got pennies on the dollar for their stuff. They never really got to be RVers due to health issues and they live in our town now. Father-in-law stated a couple of days ago that thre really won't be anything for an inheritance for his children to fight over. THAT is the best inheritance ever! We dreaded the thought of sorting through and disposing of 40 years of STUFF at their eventual demise.
My wife isn't a hoarder, but has a hard time getting rid of stuff. She also has a hard time getting around. My youngest daughter, although having a very good job, likes to help people clean out their homes as a side gig. My wife has paid her to clear out a couple of rooms that had too much stuff. My daughter uses your method. The result was great!
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I've had some, not so great, experiences with greedy relatives upon a death. For the executor of an estate, it is a very good idea to change locks and replace with very good ones as "vultures" will break in to a home of relatives and steal things that they feel entitled to. As for the dead, I pretty much like to go by the old idea of "Don't speak badly about the dead!" It doesn't do anybody any good. I also feel like the beneficiaries of a will should be the ones to go through a decedent's property. I don't feel like the burden is upon the decedent to sort through everything to take off the strain of dealing with it. Oh yea, get a will!
hkcavalier
US Veteran
My dad passed back in '08. Like a lot of people in his generation, he got caught up with buying crap from the Linkletter catalog and the like, though my constant chiding and the fact he lived in a condo tamped that down quite a bit. I'm an only child, and he did a good job setting everything up so I'd have access to accounts.
I learned from going through his docs that he'd been unsuccessfully sued back in the 80s by an employee (he and a friend subcontracted to Boeing on the side). He had a lot of Boeing patents with his name on them and some cutout articles from Seattle newspapers as he was part of a number of nonprofits that occasionally made the news. Some 1950s mining stock certificates that turned out to be worthless. But no earthshattering stuff. No half siblings out there or napkin map to the lost city of El Dorado.
My wife's side of the family has lots of suburban and rural hoarder types. When her uncle passed a few years back, he left quite a pile of goods stacked up. He came from a poor farm family but made good $ and was the type to buy decent stuff from quality manufacturers and, once it broke, just bought another one. So lots of "repairman's specials" like chainsaws, lawnmowers, etc. The John Deere riding mower in my garage is from that, as is my 34 ton hydraulic splitter. His house is still not cleared out of stuff after 2+ years, and why his kids haven't done so and sold it is beyond me as a nice house on 15 acres in the outer suburbs of Seattle could be a million dollar sale in this day and age.
I learned from going through his docs that he'd been unsuccessfully sued back in the 80s by an employee (he and a friend subcontracted to Boeing on the side). He had a lot of Boeing patents with his name on them and some cutout articles from Seattle newspapers as he was part of a number of nonprofits that occasionally made the news. Some 1950s mining stock certificates that turned out to be worthless. But no earthshattering stuff. No half siblings out there or napkin map to the lost city of El Dorado.
My wife's side of the family has lots of suburban and rural hoarder types. When her uncle passed a few years back, he left quite a pile of goods stacked up. He came from a poor farm family but made good $ and was the type to buy decent stuff from quality manufacturers and, once it broke, just bought another one. So lots of "repairman's specials" like chainsaws, lawnmowers, etc. The John Deere riding mower in my garage is from that, as is my 34 ton hydraulic splitter. His house is still not cleared out of stuff after 2+ years, and why his kids haven't done so and sold it is beyond me as a nice house on 15 acres in the outer suburbs of Seattle could be a million dollar sale in this day and age.
Grayfox
US Veteran
The most common thing to find after the death of a friend or loved one is just how greedy and unscrupulous people can be. I've seen otherwise good people commit criminal acts because they think that they should have all that was left behind. 
If you're not the Executor of the estate or otherwise responsible for the deceased's property, I strongly suggest you walk away and don't look back.
If you're not the Executor of the estate or otherwise responsible for the deceased's property, I strongly suggest you walk away and don't look back.
I have an aunt and uncle who both passed on within the last 1 1/2 years. I was very close to them all my life. It was hard to keep from putting my nose into things. I had to keep reminding myself that I was not the Executor and not an official heir. Happily my cousin the Executor gave me some of my uncles shirts and coats when the house was being cleaned out, and I was glad for that. When requested, I was glad to help with the Estates as being another set of eyes and ears as far as dealing with the major items.
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"Asking for money means he doesn't have money."
Not in my experience.
I won't breach privacy laws, but I could tell you some interesting stuff about people who have money, but still borrow from family.
Not in my experience.
I won't breach privacy laws, but I could tell you some interesting stuff about people who have money, but still borrow from family.
The Last Standing Knight
Member
As someone who is going through this....but an only child....makes it easier in this state as far as probate goes. But I am learning things that were probably best left buried. 
I leave it at that.
I leave it at that.
My wife and I set up a living trust. Our stuff is all ours to do as we wish....But when we're gone it automatically belongs to our 2 kids(no grand kids)to do as they wish..........NO probate......No cost to them.
We went to an estate sale last year that was the same situation . Widow with a lot of money apparently . The house was filled with stuff from HSN . Nice stuff . Enameled cast iron cookware in unopened boxes . Stacked to the ceiling . Multiple complete sets of dishes , expensive Christmas decorations , Crystal , and on and on . We picked up some decent deals on cast iron stuff .
When my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, the doctor told us that the diagnosis was very serious and that she should get her affairs in order. We decided on a trust, which was moderately more expensive than a will. One of the advantages of a trust is that it is not a public document, like a will. Only the Trustee(s) and the beneficiaries know where your assets go. With a will that is filed in probate court, anybody so inclined can go to the county courthouse and read it.
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I haven't had parents this century... and I am only 58... co trusty of their estate with my brothers... I was executor, financial power of attorney and trusty of my Aunt's estate... she owned the family homestead that was in the family for over a century... inheritance makes people crazy... a knock down drag out mess over worthless crud.. money just amps it up.. thankfully parents and my aunt were Smart and organized.. both had trusts spelling out everything... it does make life easier for those left behind to deal with it.. mother-in-law only had a will... probate stinks... thankfully wife was an only child... which simplified things.. we have set up a trust to make it as simple as possible when our son has to deal with what will eventually happen to us all... if you don't HAVE TO be involved... stay clear... stupid people like lawyers...
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docbrazos
Member
Stuff is just Stuff. The Wife gets Everything to deal with. Right now I'm in the process of planning and paying for our Funerals. Everyone want's the stuff but know one wants the responsibility of planting or cremating the remains.
I agree.............I'll give it 2 amens and a hoo-ha ...........Good information
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Terry G
Member
I worked with a guy who was big on the V.F.W. always pestering me to join. He was forever telling "War Stories" about Viet Nam. I wasn't a joiner or a drinker which he was both. Anyway, his stories didn't ring true. Helicopters from another Division pulling him and his Men out of a fire fight, where were the 1st Divisions helicopters? And 60 round M-16 magazines were just a couple of the stories. He drank himself to death and the VFW was going to give him a burial with full Military Honors. His Wife was a German Citizen and that's where he met her. He was a Finance Clerk in Germany. He never set foot in Viet Nam.
Yep . Our cremations are paid for and our final wishes are documented . Beneficiaries for insurance policies and retirement accounts are named . The " Stuff " is in the Will and most of it isn't worth fighting over .
These kinds of stories make me mad and then sad for the poor soul who feels that he has to dream this stuff up. I'm kind of surprised because the VFW usually reviews DD 214's before allowing vets to join. My father, a WWII vet told me a similar story about a dude in the American Legion. Come to find out, he played trumpet for a military band and never left the states.
I had to quit wearing a service related bracelet when one time it was assumed I was in the Armed Forces, which I never was. I always state to people that I belong to the Sons of the American Legion and that it was my grandfather who served, not me. I don't want to even imply by silence that I have valor that I know I am not entitled to.
JoeBeDeaux
Member
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After my wife died and I finally booted my last adult child out of the house I discovered something about myself. I never knew who I was. I was born someone's child and grew up as someone's sibling. I met my wife in Jr High and was her boyfriend until we married. I had a 14-month stint overseas where I got a hint of something I was missing but it was too short, and I had a wife to return to. I became a father time and again and never relaxed about being who I should be for them. After my wife died, I was lost, did not know what I was going to do with myself but eventually found out who I was. I found out I liked myself. I found a mantra I have heeded since. I don't know who the author is, I am sure someone out there does but, here it is. "A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free."
The VFW in the next town over from me advertises on their marquis that they are accepting new memberships by anyone/everyone who wishes to participate.
It USED to be that if a traveling veteran was passing-thru and needed a meal or temporary accommodation, all that was necessary was to drop by the local VFW.
Unfortunately, they're all becoming just another beer-joint.
BTW, re: TODD (Transfer on Death Deeds, also known as Title Upon Death in some locales).. it was recently discovered our alzheimer afflicted mother had been talked into a TODD giving ownership of her house upon her death to another relative. Her neighbor was a (crooked) lawyer who drew it up for her on behalf of the relative's prodding, fully aware of the situation. (His own mother had died of alzheimers… both he and the relative were aware Mom had no capability to make financial decisions.)
Only because the relative's wife accidentally mentioned it over adult beverages was it discovered. My sister was the executor and Power of Atty according to Mom and Dad's Will… and I was the secondary E and POA.
Years ago, when Dad and Mom developed their Will that house was to pay for a grandchild's college.
One thing about a TODD: It only becomes effective upon the homeowner's death. The POA which my sis and I held allowed us to sell the house before her death (she was already in memory-care) and pay off the college for the grandchild.
A homeowner cannot "transfer on death" a home no longer owned.
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