There comes a time when one MUST hold one's tongue

CAJUNLAWYER

CAJUNLAWYER

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So my wife and I are by ourselves over Halloween, just the two of us, no kids, no house guests, no visitors, no home health, no exterminator, NOBODY. There is a bowl of candy left over.
I hear my wife ask angrily "Who's been putting the wrappers back in the candy bowl?" ???:confused:???

I respond "The dog" :D

Wrong answer ;)
 
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Smart dog, good training. Mine would just chew up the wrapper if I handed it to her......Besides, your pup is too cute to get in trouble for it.
 
For a lawyer, you seem unskilled at deceit. I know it takes years of practice but its just something you either learn or pay the consequences.

First, its your job as man of the house to help give out candy. When you're doing that, its incumbent upon you to test the candy you're giving the little runts. Then if you're smart, you find a convenient drawer or place to stash some of it. I always felt one for them and two for me was a fair distribution. By the end of the night, the bowl is nearly empty.

She'll be happy because there won't be that much to eat afterward. You will also be happy because only you know where the stash is. But be careful, if you eat a piece now and then (like every 15 minutes) you've got to dispose of the wrappers in an environmentally friendly manner. Meaning where she won't find them. I've found that an empty pop or beer can works well. You just spend a few minutes while enjoying the candy bar to twist the wrapper and stuff it in the can. If you elect to toss it in the trash can, make sure you shake it well (so it will sink to the bottom.)

Another trick I've learned (it is trick or treat after all) is to do as the old miners did. Salt the mine. You put the crappy candy like gum and pure sugar nastiness in the bowl. Then you place one or two of the good stuff like Reese's or Twixt on the top. Then you give the little democrats wanting free cheese the crummy stuff, you pour the bags of good stuff into a nearby drawer. In my situation, I've got the kitchen junk drawer right where I place the candy bowl. If by chance one of the good items pops itself into my mouth, its easy to just take another out of the drawer. When a visible goodie comes missing, you can just lie and tell her you gave it to some kid. You know, that really does occur if the kiddy had a really cute mommy.

My problem, or not, was we had no trick or treaters this year. Not one little urchin bothered to come to my door. Guess word is out I'm evil, a pervert, stingy, who knows. But on the up side, I've got all that candy to eat myself. Doesn't hurt to mention to the wife that the diet isn't going too well. You kind of need to do that over the days leading into Halloween. If you mention it after, she will get the idea you're being selfish and just want the candy yourself.

Oh, and WalMart sells off its overstock pretty cheap this week. Almost too late, but it doesn't hurt to swing by.
 
CAJUNLAWYER said:
Wrong answer ;)
Click to expand...
Duuuhhhhhhh.....
Counselor!
Never give an answer the forensics can easily disprove!
Never tell a blatant lie under oath! (oath implied with a wife)
Never hesitate to say "I cannot say for sure" or "I don't recall the exact circumstances" or answer with a question- "Are there candy wrappers in the bowl, sweetie?" or "Do you think some of them came empty?"!

I had always planned on retain' ya if needed.
Now, I'm wonderin'...........
I mean, if a guy can't think quicker 'an 'at aroun a woman he's known for 30-40 years.......
It ain't like she didden already know.
:D
 
I'm just amazed that she would even ask the question in the first place!!!! And then expect me to tell the truth!!!:eek:
 
"Who's been putting the wrappers back in the candy bowl?
Click to expand...

Ok I'll admit I can be a little slow on the uptake at times, but I honestly thought the wrappers were to be placed back into the bowl. What are we expected to do with them, drop em on the floor.
 
CAJUNLAWYER said:
I'm just amazed that she would even ask the question in the first place!!!! And then expect me to tell the truth!!!:eek:
Click to expand...

AHH! Now I get it. You haven't told her you're a lawyer. She thinks you play piano in one of those Loozyan houses of ill repute!

I wouldn't tell her either. ;)
 
I didn't know their were two different ways to hang toilet paper on the roll until I got married, my wife promptly trained me in the proper way!
 
And just why is it that the wives think it's a "good thing" to not have much candy left over. Mine took half the leftovers in to her work!
 
A good reply would have been, "What difference does it make?"

A better reply would be, "Why do you ask?"

Women always reply to a man's question with a question so let them have their own medicine.
 
Wife: Who's been putting the wrappers back in the candy bowl?
Cajunlawyer: :mad:
Wife: It was you - wasn't it?
Cajunlawyer: :confused:
Wife: :mad:
Cajunlawyer: :o

Wife storms out of the room taking the bowl with her.
Cajunlawer: :eek:

or...

Wife: Who's been putting the wrappers back in the candy bowl?
Cajunlawyer: Of course it was me. You are always asking the obvious.....

fight starts.
 
We knew a couple several years ago whose 2-3 year old daughter chose to go to the bathroom in the closet in her bedroom instead of utilizing the room specifically designed for that purpose. When she was confronted by her father with the question "Who went potty in your closet?" promptly replied "The Teddy Bear did it!!!"

I bet this kid grew up to be a lawyer too.

(Great answer by the way)
 
handejector said:
Duuuhhhhhhh.....
Counselor!
Never give an answer the forensics can easily disprove!
Never tell a blatant lie under oath! (oath implied with a wife)
Never hesitate to say "I cannot say for sure" or "I don't recall the exact circumstances" or answer with a question- "Are there candy wrappers in the bowl, sweetie?" or "Do you think some of them came empty?"!

I had always planned on retain' ya if needed.
Now, I'm wonderin'...........
I mean, if a guy can't think quicker 'an 'at aroun a woman he's known for 30-40 years.......
It ain't like she didden already know.
:D
Click to expand...


I'd be wonderin' too. Remember he's Code Napoleon. They're strange.
 
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