Twelve Commandments for Senior Citizens

[GaryS]

Knowing this crowd, I figure this will fit right in here. If we can't laugh at ourselves, others will do it for us.

BTW, I hate the term "Golden Years." That's rust, not gold.

TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS:

#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice

#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.

#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.”

#6 - “On time” is when you get there.

#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.

#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.

#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.

#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.

#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.

. . . And one more: “One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.

 

[LoboGunLeather]

This list omits one very important rule:

Never trust a fart.

 

[NYlakesider]

This list omits one very important rule:

Never trust a fart.

Wisdom of the ages!-

 

[fjruple]

The only thing "golden" about the Golden Years is the color of the pee running down your leg! LOL

 

[Doug M.]

I keep wondering who put that old guy in mirror.

 

[Alk8944]

OP would be funny if it weren't so true. Especially the rust line.

When I was in my teens I thought, as many probably do, that reaching 100 years would be a noble and honorable goal. The closer I get to that number the more I wonder "Why the Hxll anyone would want to be that old"?????

 

[GaryS]

My Mother in Law lived to be 102 and for the most part she seemed to enjoy it. The last three weeks weren't good, but before that she was outgoing and had a lot of friends. One thing that made her sad was that she had pretty much outlived her long time friends.

If I could be like her, 100 wouldn't be too bad.

OP would be funny if it weren't so true. Especially the rust line.

When I was in my teens I thought, as many probably do, that reaching 100 years would be a noble and honorable goal. The closer I get to that number the more I wonder "Why the Hxll anyone would want to be that old"?????

 

[GypsmJim]

My Mother in Law lived to be 102 and for the most part she seemed to enjoy it. The last three weeks weren't good, but before that she was outgoing and had a lot of friends. One thing that made her sad was that she had pretty much outlived her long time friends.

.

My Grandparents lived to a ripe old age, but they outlived all their friends.

When Grandpa died only one single person came to the wake. Grandma died 2 months later and nobody came. The guy that came 2 months earlier had also passed.

 

[Golddollar]

Knowing this crowd, I figure this will fit right in here. If we can't laugh at ourselves, others will do it for us.

BTW, I hate the term "Golden Years." That's rust, not gold.

TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS:


. . . And one more: “One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.

Or the restaurant, or the bar or the club.

At a family reunion somebody described the senior citizen times as being the "Metallic Years." That's when you get gold in your teeth, silver in your hair and lead in your pants!

 

[SPEEDGUNNER]

Outstanding list!! For someone who has been an avowed car guy since he came home from the hospital in a 1953 Ford the "that's rust, not gold" line is especially poignant. Thanks for making my day!

 

[Model 19 6"]

The list needs (Depends don't leave home without them)

 

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

Act your age. Being a good actor can get you through a lot.

 

[SPEEDGUNNER]

I sent the "12 Commandments" to a group of close friends and received this in return. How many do you remember?

If You'''ve Eaten Literally Any Of These 32 Foods, You Are Now Officially Old

 

[llowry61]

I sent the "12 Commandments" to a group of close friends and received this in return. How many do you remember?

If You'''ve Eaten Literally Any Of These 32 Foods, You Are Now Officially Old

That was painful, there was only one that I had not personally experienced. So that means that 63 is old.

 

[Golddollar]

I sent the "12 Commandments" to a group of close friends and received this in return. How many do you remember?

If You'''ve Eaten Literally Any Of These 32 Foods, You Are Now Officially Old

I remember so many of those I must be positively ancient.

 

[pasound]

That list is perfect. I'm wondering if I should stick it on my arm like a quarterback's play list.

 

[BC38]

That was painful, there was only one that I had not personally experienced. So that means that 63 is old.

Which one? I'm 62 and related to ALL of them...

 

[The Last Standing Knight]

The Golden Years usually means more years and less gold.

 

[jimmyj]

Had I known I would live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.